WWYD?

coasterqueen wrote: I am almost very upset about this. I just don't know exactly how to feel - mad, angry, embarrassed, what?

My DCP also takes care of our dogs. We were gone this weekend and so she spent a lot of time at our house taking care of our dogs. Since we've had her take care of our dogs we've realized that she sees our personal side - meaning she knows where everything is in my kitchen, she has access to our master bedroom/bath because that is where we keep the dogs during the day while we are gone. We know when she comes over she uses our computer/printer, watches our tv, etc. We are fine with all of that and we are very close to her - she is family.

Well.......I had brought my work computer home this past weekend to get some work done and I had left it out on the kitchen table while we were gone and she was sitting the dogs. I went to get on my computer today when I got back into town and noticed on my document history that she had opened a file. A file to me that is PRIVATE. On the desktop of my work computer is our personal budget. It had been opened twice per my history and I know my history is correct because that's how I go into open documents all the time.

So what would you do? I do NOT like the fact that someone, she or whoever was with her, would go and open up private information of mine. I thought of her as family and she is a second mother to my children, but it is none of her business what our budget is - where our money goes, how much we make, etc. So what would you do? Would you say something? I feel so violated that someone I trusted with my kids, my animals and my home would do this. I thought maybe it's possible that she accidentally opened it, but........it's in a location on my computer desktop with other icons that she would never need to open. She only uses our computer for the internet when she comes over.

Ugh! I'm so upset right now about this

amymom replied:

Karen, I understand the hurt. Sometimes people are just nosy. It doesn’t really mean anything, they just are. However, that being said, I think I would have a conversation with her, calmly letting her know that this is unacceptable and that she overstepped this time.

I get the impression from the way you interact on facebook that there is a friendship and she adores your kids. I am sorry this happened. Good luck with it. Sometimes friends screw up, I hope you both can get past this.

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks Anne. Yes, we have a very close relationship for sure. I just can't believe she'd be nosy like that, kwim? I've always been open to her about everything and if she really wanted to know my finances, I would have told her. It just makes me wonder what she's opened up and looked into on my home computer that I know she uses all the time. Makes me wonder what drawers she's gone through in my house, etc. I would never ever think about doing that in her house. Never.

Ryan said if I try to bring it up to her she'll deny it and it will make me only that more upset. I have a feeling she would deny it

luvbug00 replied: I'm sorry you have t be in this posistion!!
i had a friend who did this when she was a sitter and a nanny. I told her it was wrong. She happened on these documents and saw them, it's how she found out that she was going to be let go and that they enrolled their son into a better school and so on.... she had befriended thease people for over 6 years. They never told her about the school or anything. She said she was in the office cleaning and happened on the paperwork. But since her discovery kept watching and saw that they were really making more then they told her they were so they could pay her less.
Now i'm not compareing your situation with hers. I told her that it was a bad reason to snoop and it doesnt help anyone trust her. i wouldnt let her sit for me or my pets with all that i know about the business she works for the employees.

now my first question is can you make a sign on with her name and then password protect your stuff?
(like when i open my computer you sign on as myself, mya or guest. )
maybe somone can help you restrict what files can be seen? so you dont even have to mention it.
or worse come to worse, just say, you noticed those file had been opened by accident and they are privite and can she not click on them next time.

coasterqueen replied:
thanks. Yeah I can make her own user name, but not with my work computer. I just had happened to bring it home and left it on the kitchen table. I had no clue she'd ever even touch it knowing it's not my home computer.

mckayleesmom replied: OK...maybe it was an accident...I know that she would have to click on it, but if she is like me...she couldn't find the right file to start the internet up. Sometimes I use dh work comp to check my email and I always forget where the link is to turn the internet on and seriously click on every link.....folders....everything.

jcc64 replied: It could have been an accident, though I doubt it. I agree that sometimes people are just nosy-it isn't a particularly attractive trait, and I understand your feelings of betrayal, but I wouldn't assign too much import to the incident. Going forward, though, I would probably take steps to insure your privacy, now knowing what you do. Would I confront her about it--no. She will deny it, and everyone will feel awkward. If you like her and value your relationship, let it go this time.

coasterqueen replied:
This is what I'm going to do. It was no accident, I know that. She knows how to use a computer and my internet links are very clear on this computer. I'm not going to ask because I don't want her to lie to me. I am going to not keep my work computer just floating around and will see what is on my home computer I don't want others to look at.

Thanks everyone.

MommyToAshley replied:
That's exactly how I would handle it. Sorry that you feel betrayed by someone so close.

kimberley replied:
ditto. sorry that happened to you.

DVFlyer replied: Block all access to any computer.

When she questions it, just tell her that you feel it's a necessary step to keep private files from being opened when you're not home.

She'll get the hint.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied:
this!