WWYD

boyohboyohboy wrote: last night we had an ice storm, so today school was delayed about 2 hours..I had to take andrew to the dr today at 730 our normal bus time, I go by our bus stop and see this kid there, its raining and sleeting really hard, I roll down my window and tell John who is 10, that school is delayed for 2 hours..I cant even take him anywhere because I am late for the dr..
so when I get home, John is at my house.. dh said that John came to the door and said that his house was locked and his parents are at work and he has no where to go. so dh let him in..my concern is we already had 6 kids in the house, since I babysit. so I was over my limit for kids..my neighbors are nosey..
but my worst concern is, we dont know John, we dont know what house he lives in, we dont know his last name..his is from a spanish speaking family and he said they dont speak english. so I said to dh it seems we are setting ourselves up for some liability here. what if he gets hurt or says we did something to him, i dont know him..so we kept him till 10 and then drove him to the bus.
I called the school then because I just kept thinking what does this boy do on a normal day off school? Is he left alone? holiday breaks and such? I think 10 is a little young. I called the school, because I just didnt know what else to do...the school receptionist told me who he was, his last name and the house number..which I find distrubing in itself, that she gave out such private info..
but anyway, so I gave John a note from me that he stayed at our home and was welcome there and our number for her to call me to make sure it was ok with his mom..but I could tell John was not going to give it to her..and he said that he just tells them where he goes later when they get home..

what would you have done, and is there anything else I should do now?

lisar replied: thats a tough one seems how they dont speak any english. I seriously dont know what I would do.

mckayleesmom replied: I think you guys did the right thing. I would go talk to his mom and let her know that he stayed at your house that morning. You couldn't leave him outside in the cold..What else could you do? I would remind the mom to leave a spare key with the neighbor so if this happens again he can get into the house and maybe you could get their number so that you can call and let her know if she didn't get the message about the school closing..This would give her the chance to turn around and come back home to stay with him.

boyohboyohboy replied: I am a little worried about them thinking we are getting into their business...and with the language barrier its going to be hard..

I just cant believe how some people just dont worry about their kids....

he was a really nice boy.

CantWait replied: I think you're WAY over reacting.

I have both taken kids in, and had Robbie taken in in such situations. Sometimes as a dual working family there are things you can't foresee. IMO 10 is not to young to be left alone, not for short periods of before and after school. Robbie was left alone at 10 also when I was working. We lived a very short distance from the house, and he was responsible. Him being a really nice boy shows that he's got some great parents who are doing some good, I think you're judging a little too harshly.

I can understand being over your limit, but do you run an actual at home certified daycare service? If not than being over your limit really shouldn't be a concern unless it's for your own sanity. In either way I would think that regardless of the language barrier, any parent would be much appreciative of you helping out. I think the kids you have now (the ones with the problems) have got you on edge thinking maybe all families are like this and would therefore would try and cause trouble in some way.

MommyToAshley replied: I understand your concern... but I agree that you couldn't just leave him out in the cold either. I think now that you have the address, you can go over (or look up the phone number) and go see the parents. The language barrier is going to be tough though, do you know anyone that can translate besides the child?

On a similar note, I volunteer in Ashley's school on Tuesdays and then walk a group of girls that are in her Brownie troop over to where the meeting is going to be. It's in the church in the same parking lot. There is 45 minutes between the time when the girls get out of school and when their meeting starts so I just bring snacks and let them do their homework. I originally sent an email to all the girls parents who are in Ashley's class and Brownie troop that I would be happy to walk them over. I never heard back from one parent, but apparently she sent a note to the teacher that her daughter is to walk over to Brownies with me. I've been walking this girl over to the meeting place for a few months along with the other girls but have never met or talked to her Mom. I am in disbelief that a parent would just send in a note to the teacher, without even confirming anything with me. I don't even have a way to get in touch with her if I am sick or don't volunteer in the school that day. I could always call the troop leader, but that is besides the point. I just can't believe the parent never followed-up to ensure I was going to take her daughter over to the meeting place.

boyohboyohboy replied:
I dont feel like I am over reacting but I appreciate your take on it. I feel that the world we live in now, is WAY different then the world we used to live in.
I know nothing about this boys parents or him. I know that he isnt mature enough to be left home alone, if he didnt have a number for his parents, didnt know when school was to start, and didnt know what to do if the house was locked except to go to a strangers house where only a man was there alone with kids..kids he doesnt know either..
I mean what if my dh was not someone that should have been around kids..and frankly two houses down from us is a registered sex offender on megan's law website..
I think this could have been a much more serious situation.
I dont think a 10 yr old would know what to do if the stove caught fire, if they answered the door and someone pushed their way in...or if they locked themselves out..
just the way he acted when I handed him the note for his parents, makes me think either he is going to get into trouble or they are not going to be happy with him for something he did.

I am also concerned about leaving a boy outside in weather that could have easily have caused him to have hypothermia.

I still think someone should check into his after school and before school situation. I know that with work things can be hard..but leaving a child alone isnt the answer..and this kid I must also add, has made comments when the weather turned cold about how cold he was standing at the bus stop with no coat on, but then cont. to talk about the expensive video games and systems his parents were buying..so the priorities seem a little off.
they could get a neighbor maybe to watch him, or one of us that walk kids up..something could have been done..not leaving him alone.
I would never leave caleb home alone to fend for himself and HOPE he made it to school and back each day.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think you did the right thing. It's a shame that we have to feel guilty or shaky about trying to help people out, but I fully understand your concern.

DVFlyer replied: I would have taken him back to my house or his house (if he could have gotten in and there was someone there). The Dr's time would have been a lower priority.

Worst case, he says we did something to him and we get into a lengthy court battle costing hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees where we lose our house that we had to sell to afford the lawyers, lose our jobs because of the exposure and our family disowns us because of the shame.

Best case, we make friends with the new family for helping out their son.

[/my tongue firmly planted in my cheek]

Which do you think is more likely?

boyohboyohboy replied:
actually i knew that the boy lived in our neighborhood, and assumed he was going to go back home..so being that my baby is really ill, and was in the hosp with what he has now, the dr was a huge priority over this child just going back home..
which is how is should have been..

and when I posted about kids in the past, I wasnt the only one who agreed that taking care of ones own family in the event of something like what I am worried about happening was a top priority..

not only that if he had gotten hurt we would have no info on him..no medical back ground..nothing..i couldnt have even given the police a street number or name.
our bus actually goes to two schools, so i wasnt even sure at the time which one he attended until i called them today.

I really was ok with him coming in to get out of the rain, but from there, my concern was someone should have been called, or he should have been able to find a way to get into his house..
it doesnt seem ok to me, for people to HOPE that neighbors are going to take in their children...
again THERE IS A SEXUAL PREDITOR IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
the cops are thru here all the time....for a reason.

mckayleesmom replied: I think that you are assuming alot too. You are assuming that these parents just leave him and don't worry about him. Maybe his mom didn't get the message about the delay considering the fact that he was at the bus stop. I don't think you should have to take responsibility for this child, but I think you did a great thing by taking him in and not closing your door on him. Maybe his mom didn't even understand the message when they called..since she doesn't speak English. I would just try as best as you can to get her to understand that he needs a key to the house to have shelter if this happens again.

boyohboyohboy replied:
the delay was posted yesterday at 5pm for today

mckayleesmom replied:
Ya, but if she doesn't speak English..chances are she might not be able to read it either.

Maybe you can befriend her and have the son translate for you when school news is posted...That way this doesn't happen again.

My2Beauties replied: I don't think you're overreacting in the least bit. I've posted before about the boy down the street who was frequently coming over my house and asking to play with Hanna and how I didn't feel comfortable letting him in my house. His parents have come to our house one time to get him and his dad was just like hey how's it going. We have trampolines, 4-wheelers, water slides, swingsets, and we always have a lot of friends over our house on the weekends for cookouts (mainly in the spring and summertime) and they would let him come down there everyday for hours on end and never really met us. I talked to his dad on the phone one time. They have no clue who DH and I are and no clue if any of DH's friends or anyone should be around kids. He walks all the way down to our house sometimes (which is a long road) with his 5 year old sister I am appauled at it.

MommyToAshley replied: I have to agree... I don't think you are overreacting at all.

jem0622 replied: I would talk with the mother as best you can. You did all the right things.

I have allowed my oldest son to be home without me if I have to run to the grocery store.

They should have checked on the school opening if the weather was iffy, and told him to stay at home until the bus came.

BecauseIsaidSo replied: I would have also picked up the child and brought him to my house but then I would have done 1 of 3 things:

A) Call one of his parents ( if he knew where they worked)
Called the school ( surely there would have been office staff there) and tell them that you have the child but dont know how to get in touch with his parents
C) Call social services or the police to inform them that you have the child because his parents were at work and school was delayed 2 hrs and the childs house was locked!

I am guessing that someone is home when the child gets off the school bus or else he is in an afterschool program or he has a house key. I would want to talk to the parents later today and find out what gives!

boyohboyohboy replied:
update, John got off the bus this afternoon, and walked home, thats how I was sure of where he lived....and the office staff gave me his address....
but it is 5:15 right now and no one but john is still home..
so he doesnt have after school care or someone to watch over him from when ever his parents leave till when ever they get home.john couldnt tell me when that might be....
it doesnt look like I will be speaking with them tonight.john said they dont have a house phone...so HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO CALL FOR HELP..

this is just making me more and more worried aboutt his little boy..

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm wondering how he got into the house this afternoon if it was locked this morning. I think he just didn't want to go home this morning....and there may be good reason for it.

Call social services and report this famly. I think they need to do some investigating. It's not your responsibility to see that this child is taken care of. Here you have worried about it the majority of the day and he's not even your child.

DVFlyer replied: ^+1

boyohboyohboy replied:
you know it never occured to me that you are right, how did he get in this afternoon if he couldnt get in this morning....

how do you go about finding a county social worker?
I looked up our county offices in the phone book, but didnt see anything like that..just child abuse..and I hate to call that..

I hate to cause the family trouble, if indeed the issues are just language related..but if there was a way to find out if they need help...I sure wish I spoke spanish right now..

does anyone on here that might help me maybe write them a letter asking about some of the things that happened today?

DVFlyer replied: Child abuse covers a wide array of issues so a hotline might be just the right place for you to voice your concern.

If you express your concerns as you've done here, I'm sure the authorities will handle it in a sensitive manner.

msoulz replied: Maybe he thought you said to go to your home instead of his, or he wanted someone to be with, unless someone comes home and unlocks his door then leaves again . . . one just never knows. I would be hesiatant to report the family for a one time thing, and it truly could be that. I don't know about the laws in PA but here in MI there is no legal age where a child can't be left home alone. There are guidelines that under 10 is generally unacceptable, 10 - 12 is reveiwed on an individual basis. But there is no law, and that is here, not there. Just food for thought I guess.

I do not think you are overreacting either regarding the concern with keeping the boy, especially with a family from a different culture, who knows what they think about that? And in these tough times with crazy lawyers out there . . . But I also think you did the right thing by taking him in. I coulld not have turned him away either.

Maybe you could go over after school and try to talk to the family? Perhaps John can translate? And if you go, take at least one kid with you so they can see you are a mom and not a crazy woman! Or take DH and the whole clan. As was mentioned, maybe you will make a friend.