WOW! I NEED OPINIONS AND ADVICE!

Lizzie wrote: My daughter is 15, she has two older sibilings. Shes very mature at times lately.

All weekend, and even on thanksgiving, she was out wiht her "best friend." So we thought, come to find out, she was with her boyfriend. All the time she said she was wiht a friend. She met his family, and everything this weekend. WHEN HE WAS HOME FROM GRAD SCHOOL! Hes 22 with a kid, shes 15. I HAD NO IDEA! until her sister mentioned she saw her with a guy. We asked questions, and she just spilled.


WHAT THE HEACK DO I EVEN DO FROM HERE?!

mckayleesmom replied: Wow.....hmmm....15 vs's 22......I can honestly say that I would be on the phone with the police and my daughter would be grounded.

Ok wait....I would first call the guy myself and tell him that unless he would like to be known as a predator for the rest of his life...then he would forget he ever met my daughter.

First time would be a warning to him, the second would be a call to the police.


Also, if you do call him......make sure he is aware of your daughters age, because the fact that he took her to meet his parents might be an indication that he doesn't.

boyohboyohboy replied: How did she even meet someone his age? and you would think someone in grad school would be smarter then this...what does a 22 yr old see in a 15 yr old...
i agree with brianne and would ground her, and really keep a close eye on her....

and yes, call him and then if he keeps trying to see your dgt, then call the cops.

and screen her friends and where about more closely...

good luck to you.

sparkys2boys replied: WOW.. what a pickle. I'd call him and his family and make sure that she told them her real age also.And then if they do ask them if they know that it is illegal??? Yikes.. WTH.. was either of them thinking?? Ok, here is a question.. do you think that she is sexually active with him???I'm hoping not.. but????I think that you ned to have a very serious talk to her also, tell her that if she continues to see him that they could both end up in a heap of trouble. Has she been seeing him long.. wow.. i'm shocked, I can only imagine how you are feeling. Let us know how it goes

mckayleesmom replied:
Im thinking that he probably doesn't know her real age....that is why I advise the warning first. So many girls these days look older then their years. What grad student at 22 brings his 15 year old girlfriend home to meet his parents? That is a red flag to me that says that he might not even know.

Kentuckychick replied: Oh now, she would not be allowed to go anywhere at all anymore until she were 18 if she were mine!! I would at least defnitely ground her for a long, long, LONG time...

I wonder as well where she met him??? ... the internet sounds a likely place as you said he was in from grad school. It's difficult to monitor a teen that age, but perhaps if she's proven she can't be trusted it's time to start.

I also agree with the other posters... don't assume she was truthful with this guy about her age. If she was then he needs to have a knot yanked in his tail... if she was and they did anything together then he needs to be charged with stat. rape. If she lied then he needs to be made aware of the fact that she's only 15 and she needs to have a knot yanked in her tail.

Lizzie replied: After a LONG and SERIOUS conversation with her..

I established a few things.
He knows her real age, we called him, he even came over to discuss it beofre he left for school.
They have done nothing together, and merely been talking about "..when shes 18" and getting married then.
And here comes the best one .. He was her boss at her summer camp, she was a Junior Counslor and he was in charge. I'm AMAZED!

You all probablly think i'm a terrible parent for not noticing, but all summer he was never "around" becuase he worked wiht her, the work parties were where they hung out. Always wiht others around apparently, but no one knew till recently that they were an item so they say. I feel terrible, but my sister even said there wasnt much I could do, becuase for so long it wasnt noticed by anyone.

I had no way to know through the aim, I cant read her conversations. I know her aol password but thats it, but there is no email at all inthere form anything imporant. She doesnt have a myspace, no facebook, nothing of that sense. I know that for a fact, becuase she was allowed to have a laptop if we blocked those sites and she agreeded.

She must only receive calls from him on our house phone, becuase there is nothing strange on her phone bill, no texts to a random number.


This is all too confusing too me. But shes been extrememly honest from here..

mckayleesmom replied: Im sorry, but does this guy not realize that you don't have to be the one to turn him in? He can lose his whole life over this. If he even gets pulled over with her in his car......bye bye......I know someone it happened to. If they cared about each other so much.....Then he would respect her enough to let her grow up and she would respect him enough to let him go until she is 18.

redchief replied: I can describe that "nice young man" in one word. PEDOPHILE.

Tell him to stay away from your daughter or you're calling the police. It is totally inappropriate for a 22 year old man to discuss a romantic future with a teen aged girl.

Nina J replied: I wouldn't know what to do. Firstly because I know plenty of people who's spouse's are several years older than them. Maybe it seems like a big age difference because of there young age?

He could be a nice guy, you don't know if he is a freak or a pedophile or anything. I wouldn't rush and make some rash desicion until you've really thought about it. I think discussing marriage is a bit to hasty..but he could be a genuinly nice person..

redchief replied:
As a father to teenagers, I totally disagree. We're talking SEVEN years difference between a grown man and a child. This relationship can never be healthy and reminds me of the Warren Jeffs case in Utah. Certainly a fifteen year-old girl can get star-struck by a 22 year-old man who says she's the one for him. That's one of the reasons it's ILLEGAL.

mom2my2cuties replied:
As usual, Ed is right on. I had to think about this one for a while before I responded. By the way - Welcome to PC!!!!!

1- I don't believe that at 15 she should be thinking about a "romantic future" with anyone specific. EVERY girl dreams of her prince charming - SURE!!! But they aren't ready at 15 to be getting ready to settle down with a 22 year old man who already had 1 child.

2- (please don't take this badly - I can't think of the right way to put it) There is something going on with your daughter if she is more interested in making a family with this guy, instead of spending time doing things normal 15 year olds do.

3- What is she hiding? And Why? She is keeping in contact with him somehow - but why is there no record of it.

4- There is something wrong with this MAN if isn't interested in grown women and is this interested in YOUR CHILD!!!! I would be doing some serious checking into him.

5- The "Dating" they did over the summer, that is illegal in two ways (obviously she is a child, and then sexual harrassment as well) even if "nothing" happened, still the impropriety is there.

6- I would tell him he is to cut off contact immediately with your CHILD or you will not only report him to the police which will cause him a lifetime as being labled a sexual preditor, you will also contact the camp that they worked for and report him to them as well. Which personally I think you should do, because your daughter might not be the only one he has approached like this. And you never know who might have slipped through the cracks during a background check. With our babies, we can NEVER be to careful.

Nina J replied:
Never be healthy?? Never? Maybe alot of the time, but certainly not never. My grandmother was 14 when she met my grandfather. He was 20. They didn't start going out until she was 16 and he was 22, but she was in love with him from the moment she met him. They spent there whole lives together. Plus countless friends I have who met there spouses when they were young and there spouses were several years older. But, everybody's different and there are freaks in the world. I agree with Tish, you can never be to careful. Good luck with everything though, and welcome to PC

McKenna replied: 22 and 15 doesn't sound a big difference to me, but then I was 21 when I first started seeing my other half, who was 16 at the time, here in UK age limits on minor/adult differ here in UK it's 16 not 18.

It's a difficult situation to manage though that one I'll admit. But the law is there for a reason, and especially with him being her boss sounds a bit off to me.

amymom replied: I think everyone has addressed your concerns completly so I won't rehash. Good Luck. But there are two things I can address, if you want to continue to give her computer priviliges...


First there is a program called ChatWatch. Check google. It records EVERY chat and IM on a computer to allow you to monitor any way you wish. It can be done without the computer user knowing it is there.

Second, There are tons of ways to get around blocking sites on a computer. Easiest is to go to google and put in the site info and then link from there. There are other ways of which I do not know them, I would suggest you test them. The teens know them!!


Again, good luck.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I have to agree with Ed on this one, wholeheartedly. It's different when you are talking a 21 and 28 year old, verses a 15 and 22 year old. Total different maturity issues especially in todays world. Things are way different today than it was 50 years ago.

This is the reason my mom and dad never let me go anywhere with anyone until they met the person. If I would have said "I'm going out with a friend", that friend would have had to come over before we went out! Plus, I was never allowed to go in chat rooms or anything of the sorts at this age! Too risky. Tell him if he's that interested in your daughter then he can wait around 3 more years until she is 18 and LEGAL!

redchief replied:
I stand on what I've already written. Nothing has come to light that changes my mind.

ETA I'm sorry if my gut feeling offends anyone with the impression of passing judgment, but as the father of teen aged girls, this relationship disgusts and angers me.

1lilpeanut2love replied: As usual I have to AGREE with what Ed said.
My SO and I are 6 years apart, BUT I was OF AGE[18] when I met him. SO.......

What does a 15 year old want a kid for and to be married for?????????????????? She is still a baby in my opinion.

You should STOP this right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gr33n3y3z replied: Only one thing comes to my head here and its not good

What does a 22 year old MAN want with a CHILD of 15? Scary and so wrong

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I don't have teenage girls, but I was a teenager once, and I remember my mentality at that age. Even the most mature 15 year old is not mature enough for something like this, IMHO.

Hasn't this guy watched Dateline lately?

Kentuckychick replied: I think that I would totally ground her now knowing that she's been seeing/talking to this guy behind your back for months. I honestly would not allow her to leave the house to do anything non-school related, unless she's going somewhere with the family until she turns 16 and then only when you know EXACTLY where she's going.

I would also contact the summer camp where she attended and where this guy worked... he had absolutely NO business starting a relationship with your daughter and as a former counselor I can tell you that this type of behavior is forbidden at any camp! It's a written rule.

Then, I would sit down and have a little talk with this guy again. Tell him that you will let it slide this time, but if you ever catch him with your daughter again anytime before she turns 18 then you will notify the proper authorities. He could go to jail just for "dating" her.

This guy is not normal at all...

Nina J replied:
I was thinking about it and I have to concur concur. This guy talking about marriage is freaky. And, a 22-year-old usually has alot more on his mind than kisses and cuddles.
But, he still could be a nice guy. Although, honestly if I were in your position, I wouldn't let him hang around long enough to find out. Especially because of the talking about marriage thing . Again, good luck, I hope everything works out for the best