WHAT DO I DO?????

lisar wrote: Okay Lexi brought home her progress report yesterday. She has 100's in everything. I mean 100x3 on her reading. Which means she is reading 3 times high than her class. (Lexi is a great reader)

Here is my problem though on her conduct she has a 70. Which is BAD.
A letter came home from her teacher yesterday Lexi slapped another girl in the face with her lunch tray. What do I do? Taking her 4-wheeler away and no tv and taking everything away, and writing sentences I have tried everything and nothing works. Does anyone have any suggestions on something I can try. I have tried it all.

Just wanted to add she cut her own hair on Tuesday. She cut her bangs.

moped replied: Well when I take things away from Jack he never gets them back - I kniow we are talking about a different age group, but if I take something away it is gone forver - so fo rher to get her 4 wheeler taken away , she knows it is coming back so it realyl isn't a big deal......I don't know, it is a tough one!!!
Sorry Girl!

luvmykids replied: I don't know either, I think I would tell my kids that it was going to take me some time to think of an appropriate punishment and in the meantime they'd be working their tails off, no tv, etc.

Good luck

lovemy2 replied: Hmmm- anything else going on that could be making her act up? She is in first grade right? What does the teacher suggest - speak to her - otherwise you gotta hit em where it hurts as my husband says (and I don't mean literally "hit them") but take away what will really sting - and maybe like Jen says - take it away for good....

lisar replied: Yea when I take her 4-wheeler away from her its normalyl for an entire week. Which means NO riding at all. She cant even ride as a passanger with someone else. And she has to watch everyone else ride and have fun. I just dont know what to do.

moped replied: Unless you are prepard for it to be gone forever then maybe the 4 wheeler isn't the thing to take away

lisar replied:
She doesnt like it when we take it away. And I take more than that away. Not just that.
I know it sounds like thats the only thing I do. I took her radio and her vcr away from her a month ago and still havent given it back. So its not like I am taking it and giving it back. I have done many things. I have made her write apology letters, I have made her write sentences. I made her write a thing on why its bad to be bad. And why not to be bad. I have made her literally sit there and look at nothing for hours. Nothing works as a punishment. I mean she sounds worse this way, but she only gets into trouble about 1 once a week. Its not an everday thing. But when she does do something wrong its normally major. Like slapping someone with her lunch tray.

3xsthefun replied: Hmmm..I don't know either.

Maybe you could take her 4-wheeler and other stuff she likes away longer then a week...like a month or so.

luvmykids replied: This may sound dumb, but have you tried to just talk to her about stuff like that? Like why she's so mad and what she could do instead of hitting when she's that mad? Talking to her about counting to 10, etc?

grapfruit replied: I'm sorry honey I don't know. I think talking to her might be a good idea too. This might just be her personality and you need to help her learn how to control her temper and stuff. (Like the counting to 10)

coasterqueen replied:
This was my first reaction/response. Have you tried sitting down with her and asking her why this is happening. Some kids don't respond to punishment like we'd like them too. With Kylie you could take stuff away and it wouldn't matter - but sometimes just sitting her down and asking her why this is happening, talking with her for an extensive period of time, etc gets through to her.

DansMom replied: I wonder if she's bored in school. How are the other subjects? Sometimes kids act out in strange ways when they're bored academically.

lisar replied:
And I was thinking this was the problem. Lexi is so darn smart. She went to the #1 rated pre-school in jacksonville. I couldnt afford it after preschool.
Last year in kindergarten the first week of school her teacher called me and said Lexi has already passed. They do the assesment test and she passed it with flying colors. Here is the first grade you have to be on a level I reading level well she is now on a level K reading level. And for math adding and subtracting is to easy for her. We have been working on her times tables. It could be that she is boared. But the teacher will give her more to do, she does it, and then thats it. Its like it all to easy for her. And I am not trying to brag I am trying to figure how to deal with her.

And as for talking to her. I do that every single time. For instance yesterday we talked for over an hour about her behavior, it doesnt do any good. She is more like okay hurry up and say what you have to say so I can go and do something else. KWIM? She is smart she will tell you what you wanna hear. She is to damm smart for her own good.

gr33n3y3z replied:
She is just telling you what you want to hear sorry to say that
I guess you can tell she is tired of listening to you from the sounds of things I would make her sit there all dang day and night and make her listen to you until she hears your voice when she goes to bed
If she was bored in class she would be acting out more in class I would think
I think she is having issues and maybe a guidance counsler could help out maybe direct you in the right direction


Please keep us updated

Calimama replied: I would take away her 4-wheeler until she can bring two consecutive progress reports with improvements home. Good luck hun!

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Has she made actual ammends with the child she assualted? If it were me, I think I'd start there as it's so natural and logical to have her do that. If it were O, we'd be making a trip to Hallmark with HER money, using her excellent reading skills to read every apology card in the place and chose the nicest one there. Then we'd go home where she would add a personal note of apology to put in the card. We'd go out back, pick a nice bunch of flowers, stick 'em in a vase, drive over to the child's house and further apologize in person.

As for her behavior in school, I'd keep very close tabs on what the school is doing and reinforce it at home. Maybe you could get a daily conduct report from the teacher until Christmas break to better monitor her there. Set up some positive goals/rewards for her to work for in that area for each good week she has, conduct wise.

If she is bored in school, I see it as a totally seperate issue than poor behavior. Sure, the two may be linked, but you can never give her the impression/excuse that it is acceptable to act out when you are bored. Again, I'd go to the school and work with the teacher to find better ways to challenge her more, if that's what's required.

Kids at this age still have pretty much difficulty connecting the dots between their feelings and their actions, especially if impulse came into play. I always try to help kids seperate it out at the moment, but way after the fact, the window of opportunity seems to be pretty lost on them. Good luck with it! You're smart to want to get it under control now as opposed to waiting until it's an even bigger issue!

lisar replied:
She did apologize to the little girl. I made her write the little girl a note about it. Also every school here sends home a daily progress on thier behavior so I know how she is every single day in school. She only gets into trouble once a week but its normally bad when she does. Also I have tried the rewards thing with her. I have a toy that she has really been wanting it has been sitting on the kitchen counter still in the box so she can look at it, she just cant play with it or anything untill she can bring home a good conduct for atleast 2 weeks solid. Which hasnt happened yet.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Lisa I wish I had more advice other than what was given but I don't. I hope you can get this straightened out though soon.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Two weeks might be too long (especially if the behavior is mostly impluse based like the incident you described). Could you start with a smaller reward (like picking out what to have for supper the next night, first dibs on TV or computer or some other small reward) that she could attain on a daily or every other day basis or even a weekly basis? Only let her ride her 4 wheeler on the weeks she gets a clean report from school?

julesmom replied: Have you asked her if something or someone is bothering her? Maybe she is being picked on, but is too embarrassed to say. So instead of telling on the kid, she is taking it into her own hands?

If taking stuff away isn't working, try making her DO more. Give her extra chores for a week. That way she'll be inconvienced more and not just sit waiting for the week to be over to get her 4wheeler back.

She'll have plenty of time to think about what she's done while she's scrubbing the bathroom, for example.