Unwilling Babysitter

icsgirl28 wrote: Hi all, I'm brand new here. I have one nine year old girl. A girl from school called today and asked my daughter, Isabella, if she could come over to our house. This girl is allowed to ride her bike alone, and sometimes comes over unannounced, so I told Isabella it was fine, but we were going to be leaving at about 2:00pm to run some errands. Isabella told the girl all this, and hung up the phone. The girl came over and they played for a while, and Isabel came back in the house. The girl had gone to another friends house. 5 minutes later the door bell rings, and the girl is back again. I told Isabel she wasn't allowed to go outside, and eventually the girl left. The phone rings a few minutes later. It's the girl, and she says that her parents aren't home, and their cell phones are both turned off, and she isn't allowed to be home alone. So now the girl comes back to my house, and is still here now.

I'm extremely irritated. When Isabel was younger, I always talked to the parents before a play date, but now the kids aren't getting picked up and dropped off anymore, and it's a lot more informal. I love to have these kids over at my house, but I think it's extremely rude of the parents to go out for hours and not tell your kid about it for one thing, and just disregard the parents who had your kid over. I had stuff to do today, I work all week and wasn't anticipating not being able to run my errands, which will now have to be put off until tomorrow. I don't think that I should take the girl with me without her parents knowing. What do you guys think?

C&K*s Mommie replied: How old is the girl? The same age as your daughter?

I would find out the story from the parents as to if they are truly leaving their child to be on her own for hours on end. It could be that they are from a time when they themselves were allowed to ride bikes alone without being supervised, but times have changed. Kids get snatched left and right now.

With that being said, maybe she is not wanting to go home and is telling you that her parents are not home because of that.

Have you tried contacting the parents to see if they are home? Does she live a good distance away? Maybe you can drive to her home to talk with them. Explaining what you wrote here, but to them.

amymom replied: Nicole has good ideas. It is hard as they get older and more independant, but if she is too young to be home alone (and 9 is too young IMO) then she is too young to be making plans without parents talking to parents. Just my opinion.
I have a 9 yr old and a 15 yr old. I understand wanting her to be able to go, but a parent needs to be available. And maybe like Nicole said the kid could be making up stories because she loves your house.

mom2my2cuties replied: I agree with what the others said.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I agree with the above too. But, if these parents are that neglegant, that is just screwed up in my opinion. First though, find out the whole story to make sure the information you got is accurate and everything. You just never know until you find out for yourself.

icsgirl28 replied: Her parents finally turned up at 4:30. She's going to be 11, and she lives only about 1.5 blocks from me. I think she's old enough to ride around the neighborhood (which is enclosed), but not necessarily by herself. It's just crazy to me that her parents would allow her to go to a friends house and just take off without telling their daughter or me. Who DOES that?

msoulz replied: Just a thought - are you certain the girl is telling the truth? Perhaps with the way she is floating between friends, her parents thought she was at another person's house and the "responsible" other parents didn't know that her parents had not returned home when the girl left. I guess we could dream up all kinds of scenarios but I'd try to be sure this girl is truthful before condemning parents.

JHMO. Hopefully there is just some kind of miscommunication, because as you so well said, who does that???

Edited - I just remembered who does that, my next door neighbor. The boy was playing here outside one day after school (he was 7 at the time) and about 45 minutes later my son came in and told me his friend said he had to come into our house because no one was home at his. So as I was stuggling to understand this, the kid's grandfather and uncle pulled into the driveway. So I stomped over there and ripped them both. The uncle (who is somehow mentally challenged but not enough to keep him from driving) told me that no one was watching the boy and I totally blew up at him. Not very neighborly of me but that is a hot button with me. This kid has a less than ideal situation as far as I can see anyway. So the next day his absentee mother is over here explaining herself along with grandma, who was under the impression the boy was alone for only 15 minutes, and said she "should have called" to let us know. Gee, ya think?!? It's all way beyond me how people can just basically ignore little kids and think that is OK. It's not the first time he appeared to be alone and sadly he will probably never come here again if he is alone despite telling him he should do so.

I'm off now . . .

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Sadly, there are people who do. I know, I don't get it either. With all the weirdos out there I couldn't stand to take any chances.

Jolyn replied: If it were me i would have a serious talk with those parents. They would have heard that i told the daughter i was leaving at 2:30 and that having to keep her til after four was highly inconvenient to you!!!! That is just rude. I would nip it in the bud now before you start being treated like the neighborhood unpaid babysitter.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Well I think it's very rude of the girls parents to just expect you to watch there child. The fact that the girl tried to get a hold of them and couldn't is just awful!

Now with that being said, Emily and Spencer were allowed to be left alone after school for about an hour and a half. They are not allowed to open the door and we have put on special rings on the phone so they know that it is us calling. They know how to get a hold of us.

With Spencer being sick, this doesn't happen anymore. If anything Emily is left alone for about a half hour while I take Spencer to the hospital for his clinic visit. Or when Spencer and I are in Toronto. But again she always knows how to get a hold of one of us.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Did you ever talk to the parents, to find out what is really going on?

MM'sMama replied: I would be ticked too! Who off and leaves without knowing where there child is exactly?! And who leaves a 10 yr old home alone?!?!?! And why on earth would they have there cell phones off??????????????!!!!!!!!!! I am asuming she had a key to get into her house?

I kind of have to wonder, were her parents really home by chance and she just wanted someone to play with?

Could there maybe be an older sister or brother who was supposed to be home for her?

If she really was left alone/for you the watch. Then honestly I would lay it out to her parents. And explain to them while you loving have their daughter over, you would like them to ask you before just leaving her behind for you to look after. And explain to them you have a life an things to do too. KWIM?

Good luck

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Seriously... I would go over there and talk with the parents... I would do it passively though - I would tell them something like:

"the babysitter you hired the other day really should be fired... I had to watch your daughter between 2:30 and 4:30 because your sitter wasn't availble... your daughter said he/she wouldn't answer your door or your phone... and your cell phones were turned off... I didn't want to leave your daughter alone, so I had to delay going to do my own errands in the name of safety. I thought you'd like to know your sitter isn't reliable at all, and doesn't deserve to be paid for the other day, in my opinion"

and see what the parents say.

It's really sad that situations like that happen ALL OVER the place. And parents wonder why so many kids are being abducted. DUH!!!!

Around where I live, there are a lot of daycare homes... so at any given point in most days, there are 2 or 3 of us outside at the community parc with the kids... and some parents, unfortunately, let their children play outside assuming that we will watch them. I'm sorry... but it's not my responsability to watch someone else's child, not if I'm not asked. Of course I do... I don't let them take toys away from my kids etc... and I watch to make sure they don't go in the road... well the road is an inner road for our complex, so not really many cars go there during the day...and if they do, they're slow anyways, since there are 2 speedbumps for the part near the parc... anyways... it bugs me that some parents are so ignorant.

boyohboyohboy replied: who turns off their cell phones when they are away from their kids...what if there had been an emergency?