Unsoliciated ADVICE :-( - advice badgering!

jen wrote: Hi everyone!!!

I went to a family reunion with my DH yesterday. I did not expect to get badgered by these all knowing superior women ..............IT WAS AWFUL! First I was told that I was expected to at least LOOK pregnant and that at 14 weeks I was much too skinny and that is not healthy for the baby.............I tried to tell this woman that I have put on 8 lbs so far and my doctor said he was very happy with my weight gain. I didn't even know who she was! Then I was told that the executives of Coca Cola do not even allow there children to drink diet coke and that aspartame causes Learning Disabilities in babies, I was drinking water!!!!!!!!!! How this related to me I do not know!!!! I have had a couple of diet cokes a day in the past though and my doctor nor anyone else has never told me this! I have just now read the dangers aspartame may have and of course I have stopped drinking diet coke. I am hypoglycemic so I have to drink "diet" if I want a soft drink. We had another woman tell us that she wished she never had either one of her kids because they are such a financial burden and her teenage daughter began to cry right next to her! UNBELIEVABLE! Then I was told that I SHOULD be riding my horses, this woman did and she even fell off with her last pregnancy and her son is fine!!!!!!!! By then I had had ENOUGH and I told her that I refused to take such a selfish unnecessary risk and that I find it appalling that she did get on a horse. Then I went on to say that my horses are not dead headed trail horses and are specifically trained for eventing and walking them around on trail rides would not be riding to me anyhow. Horses are not machines and are unpredictable and I have been an instructor and trainer for 12+ years! Riding is my passion and it is tough to refrain but this baby is more important to me than anything, my baby is my passion now!!!

I hope no one has to go through such a badgering day, my husband and I were expecting people to be totally different! They were just overbearing! Unsolicitated advice is the worst. I hang on my friends and families every word when they give me advice it isn't that I claim to know everything! These people were just mean for the most part!

Well my day is looking up being back in town! ha ha!

amynicole21 replied: Ach!! What nightmarish people Be prepared for more of it - it gets worse when the baby is actually HERE... Time to perfect the "smile and nod" technique

mckayleesmom replied: Im glad I don't live by my family or anyone for that matter sometimes.

~CrazieMama~ replied: That was awful!!!! How can people actually say things like that to someone they don't even know? I am glad that I have not had this happen to me. They all should be and lol

jen replied:
I cannot imagine getting through it! My DH is going to have to learn to defend me better!!! SMILE AND NOD..... SMILE AND NOD!!! THANKS!! I can do that!!! ha!

aspenblue1 replied: I have never understood why when you get pregnant that people believe they can say anthing to you. That frustrates me so much.

What kind of horses do you have. I had to get rid of mine when I moved in with my DH. We live in what is called a city but not much of one.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yeah, It is so bad with your first. I even have people badgering me about siblings now. I just tell them I am looking forward to all the challenges and triumphs. It is so hard not to get aggravated, but I just IGNORE them! Smile and nod...smile and nod! LOL!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I must say you handled that better than I did when I was pregnant with my first baby. Everyone had something to say to me! I just smiled and listened and let things go in one ear and out the other! I think anything in moderation is fine! I hope the next few months go by quickly for you, but then of course you will have all those grandmothers, mothers and total strangers coming up to you in the malls,groceries stores and everywhere else giving you there 2 cents! It does get easier, just keep doing what you are doing!

jen replied: Thank you everyone for the support and kind words!!! I am so glad I am get on my soap box and vent here HA! Otherwise I would not be very much liked at family reunions!!

Thanks! AGAIN! Until next time................

Hillbilly Housewife replied: lol

family is like that.... they never know when to quit, and they think that just because they're realted to you, they can get away with saying whatever the heck they want.

Next time, jsut say something like - I'll talk to my doctor and see what he says, or If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.

My favorite - and one I used a fwe times with my family:

"did you know that a pregnant woman can get away with murder if pushed too far? If I wanted criticism from you, I'd ask for it!"

You can always turn things around on them too...maeks them feel pretty stupid.... like:

irritating family member: Don't you think you're too skinny?
you: You think so? Funny, my doctor says I'm right on track... why... do you think YOU'RE too skinny?

or

irritating family member: You're so big!!
you: Really? Oh... Um... and get a shocked look on your face and pretend you're about to cry..... or say: I KNOW! Isn't it great?! And prance around acting very very happy! either way.... they get dumbfounded

or irritating family member: you should be showing by now....
you: really? well I was told by my doctor that if you have good abdominal muscles, you won't get all distorted as quickly as women who aren't as physically fit......(not completely true, but funny to see their miffed expression... lol)

A&A'smommy replied: i hate that more than anything people who think they know everything!!! my MIL was keeping tract of my weight gain when i got first got pregnant and started getting on to me about my exercising and stuff like that she made me feel horrible and fat and i wasnt really that big then i didnt really start showing until about the end of my fifth month!! But anyways zachsmom has some great sugestions!!!

MomToMany replied: I feel so sorry for you! What awful people! Here's to all the mean people who said those things to you!!

I think people know better than to say something to me ! But when I first told some other people I was PG again, they have said, "Don't you have enough already?!", which was very irritating, since it's none of their business how many kids we have ! I've quit telling peole- they will find out soon enough anyway!

CantWait replied: What a nightmare. Besides the morning sickness and the awfull feeling of being pregnant sometimes, unsolicited advice was the worst part of having a baby. No matter what, some nosey, overbearing person has got to have an opionion. Sorry you had to go through all that.

MommyToAshley replied: They should add ulsoliciated advice to the list of annoying PG symptoms. But, just like all the other symptoms, you quickly forget about it. Once your baby is born, you forget about all that other stuff because nothing else matters


SMILE and NOD! Yup, I perfected that one!

jen replied: You guys are great!!! I feel much better like I can take them all on now! I just wasn't prepared for that to happen to me! Next time they better be ready LOL! I loved the advice of the come backs from Zach's MOM!! I am normally pretty witty like that so I will have to use some of those!! HA! HA!

My dh's grandma asked me how the reunion went and I told her about all the advice I got! She laughed and then (she is from the other side of the family) called them all white trash! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It was funny coming from an 80 year old woman! I don't stereotype people into trash categories but if I was going to I might refer to them that way! ha ha!

Well Thanks Everyone!!! I really appreciate all the support and advice!