Ugh.

Danalana wrote: Ladies, I just didn't know where else I could share this.
I don't really think I have PPD...no negative feelings about the baby or anything like that. Just having a hard time not being pregnant anymore. Wondering if he will be our last and not being able to stand the idea that I will never feel another baby moving in me. I know that's selfish, given that I have THREE sweet babies, when there are couples who can't conceive at all. It doesn't change that it's difficult for me, though. Every time I see myself and how "deflated" I am, I just want to cry. And maybe part of it is that I now know how quickly it all goes once they are out of the womb.
That, and sleep-deprivation. And marital problems. Feeling like I am always tip-toeing around so that we won't argue about something. I have a knot in my stomach a lot these days and don't even want to eat. If you knew me better, you would know that this does not happen to me. Eating is one thing I am usually always able to do. I know the hormone wave isn't helping at all. Factor in the two toddlers and I am an absolute wreck. Bringing Tripp home seemed to age them at least a year. Just feeling like a horrible mama, especially when I have to get the baby, even though Carter wants me to hold him instead
Anyway...thanks for reading. It's not something I could put on Facebook!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry, Dana. I wish I could give you a hug in person! Hang in there... I know the issues you're dealing with are real but the crazy hormones from just having had a baby always make things so much harder to deal with.
I felt that guilt too after having Allie - that "what in the world were we thinking... my other kid is still so little" feeling. But you're not a bad mom! It will take some time for them to adjust but they won't be scarred for life because they have to share you with the new baby.
As for the other problem, you need to talk about stuff with your dh whether it means you'll end up arguing or not. I used to do the same thing - I hated arguing and hated having dh upset with me, so I avoided talking about things we were sure to disagree about, and if I was upset about something I hardly ever said anything because I didn't want us to fight. But it was too exhausting. We recently had the problems in our marriage come to a head - we got to the point where we had to do something to turn it around. We started talking a LOT, and I told Dh that I had been holding things inside rather than risk upsetting him, and I just couldn't do that anymore so be prepared. It hasn't been easy, but I'm making myself talk about things and not just skim over the stuff we disagree about, and bring up things that might cause an argument if it's something we need to talk about, instead of keeping quiet to keep the peace.

coasterqueen replied: The feeling of never being pregnant is normal, at least I think so. Heck, I still feel that way sometimes -- the sadness that my two girls are it. Especially since my littlest is 5. It makes you sad for sure. What I've had to do is look toward the future with them and not look back on the fact that they are it. It's hard for you to do that now, I'm sure. It was for me too. I dealt with so many emotions with Megan because of all we went through. It took me several years before I could really be ok with the fact we aren't having anymore. I'm not saying I'm 100% ok with it, but I know we have the perfect family the way we are and it works this way. Just give it time, hun. I know that's hard to see right now. Just keep coming here and talking to us. We are here for you.

boyohboyohboy replied: Lots of hugs Dana. I felt just that way, and we are coming up on four yrs since I had my tubes tied and I find myself sad that I won't be preg. Again.
It takes a long time as you know for your hormones to level off.
I agree it's better to talk about your marital issues and work it out and not let the wall build between you. Pray Dana, your faith is strong.

It will get better.

Danalana replied: It hasn't been lack of trying on my part in the communication department. He just takes everything personally and it doesn't go well. If you knew how our last argument went, you would understand why I just don't wanna do it again. He wasn't abusive, but I honestly thought we were going to come to blows. Neither of us are violent people, but that's almost where it went. He will NOT do counseling with me...too much pride. It's not all his fault; I certainly have plenty of my own. The thing is, I am the only one who wants to do anything about it.

luvmykids replied: Big hugs

I know what you're feeling right now is intense, but like others have said I STILL feel those things from time to time. I regret having my tubes tied, regret not enjoying my babies enough, wish I could have a do over, wish I'd had one while these three were this age so they could enjoy it, hate not having a baby around, you name it.

I think the key here is to realize you ARE just two weeks post partum, and EVERYTHING feels more intense, whether it's PPD or just the crash of horomones. Now just isn't the best time to try to have emotional heart to hearts, period.

I totally understand tip toeing around, and it's not good long term, but for the time being if you can just get a little time and distance between having just had a baby I think it will do wonders for you.

And like Stacy said, just hang on to your faith.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: My Dh takes everything really personally too... he doesn't even really yell at me but he gets really upset and sullen, and then I feel all guilty and I hate it! But I finally just decided that I was going to explode if I couldn't tell him when I didn't agree with something or if I didn't like something he was doing, or something like that.

boyohboyohboy replied: Dana, does your husband share your faith? Would he go and speak to the pastor there?
I don't mean to make excuses for him either, is it possible that he is tired too with a new born in the house and such young kids? Maybe he is just exhausted right now?

I pray your stress lessons soon.

PrairieMom replied: Hang in there hon! ((hugs)) That new baby time is wonderful and horrible all at once. This is going to be a huge life adjustment for everyone, it will take time for all the pieces to fall into the right place. Everything will work out tho. Once the hormones regulate, and you get some sleep, things should start to look better.

Calimama replied:
I agree with this. Maybe he needs a weekend away to re-group? Or even a fishing trip or a day with his friends? I know it's sort of not fair, because you certainly can't just get up and go right now. But if he comes back more level headed and ready to start fresh, it might be worth it.

amymom replied:

My3LilMonkeys replied:

MoonMama replied:
Ditto. And I agree with what others have said.

Hang in there hun I know how rough it is, trust me. Remember I'm just a call away if you need to talk/cry/vent and that I will always listen.

Danalana replied: Thanks ladies. I wish it was the adjustment of having a new baby. This has been going on for some time for us.

moped replied:


You can always talk to us

Danalana replied: Thank you!

coasterqueen replied:
I agree.

Dana, has this happened since you've had kids, or was it going on before you had kids? I know that Ryan and I have fought more since having kids than before them. And it's usually over parenting.

Danalana replied: It was before them too. I want to add that we don't just fight all the time or anything...we can go weeks without an argument. But it's bad when we do I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, just waiting for the next time.

CantWait replied:

I'm so sorry Dana. I totally know how you're feeling in EVERY way, you took the words right out of my mouth.

I hope you're able to speak to your OB about it and if needed get started on something.

Danalana replied: Yeah, I don't know if I will be able to mention it or not. I'm not very open about things like this, especially in person.

youngmomofone replied: I'm so sorry, cant imagine how stressful things are for you right now