Trouble @ High school!!

Iluvmyboys wrote: This afternoon I got a call from the principal. I am so P.Oed!! So this morning between classes the security guard caught Ben taking some sort of pills by the water fountain. She asked him what they were and he said it was only tynol (Sp) because he had a headace. She gave him a strong warning because the kids arent supposed to have any pills with them at all during school. If they need something they are to go to the nurses office. So she let him go. Apparently they WERE NOT TYNOL! Halfway between class the teacher noticed he was acting very odd - saying things that dont make sense, slurring his words, looked confused, lost, and just plain in a daze and spacing out. So she sent him to the nurses office which he could barely make it there on his own since he had trouble walking and had to hang on to the walls!!! The school nurse was very suspious and had him drug tested at the school right away. And heres the HUGE part! During that he confessed to her that he just taken vicodin, codeine, and oxycodeine. What the h*ll was he thinking?????? So the test came back and came out exactly like what he said. They searched him and his backpack only to find more pills in his pocket about 16 total Then they called me at work and I had to drop everything to go pick him up. Hes suspened for 7 school days or 5 if he aggrees to go to cousiling. I just cant believe this!!!! What is going on in his mind, if anything?? Hes never done nothing like this. I basically yelled at him the whole time on the way home and ever since then. He said he took those pills "to take the edge off things" and that everything is so hard to do. I also asked him where he got those pills and he said some kid from work! So I dont know what to do I am so lost I dont even know my own son anymore. Hes been in him room since then sleeping. I dont even want to look at him

Kentuckychick replied: I'm so sorry to hear this!!! I'm sorry for Ben, I'm sorry for you... for everyone involved . It really sounds like the beginnings of depression and I think counseling is the right way to go at this point in time. I would also highly recommend the support groups that they typically offer at local hospitals. They usually have bereavement support groups in every city and often many different types (teen groups are popular) It may help him talk to people going through similar experiences even if they aren't exactly the same.

I know it's hard not to be angry, I would be angry too, and while he should know that what he did was wrong (I'm sure he does) I truly feel it was a cry for help. One seen often. I think what Ben needs right now more than anything is to know that you AND the school support him in getting help.

If I were you I would meet privately with his principal and the school counselor and let them know what's going on too. They may be able to offer you support and information.

I'll be praying for you all! Especially for Ben

ZandersMama replied: I would suggest doing thisfast , get him to counselling or rehab or something. I knwo personally that it doesnt take long to be addicted. I'm so sorry hun.

sparkys2boys replied: Oh I am so sorry that you are going through this. I agree that this was a cry for help and try to think postivily here.. at least it was caught now and maybe this wont get worse. Just imagine if it was three months from now or more. I agree he must know his actions were wrong but honestly having you yell at him or not be there for him will not help. It will only make him feel worse that now he has let you down untop of everything else that has gone on. Tell him that u are disappointed and will not turn your back on this, that it requires help for him but that you will stand by his side through it all. I do hope that now it is all out in the open and things will began to get settled. It really does sound like he needs professional help and the sooner that you can get him there the better. Talk to the school, doctors, whoever that can guide in you the right direction. I am so sorry, its rough for any mom to see her child like this, stay strong and as long as you are doing all that can your doing the right thing.

Crystalina replied: OMG! I'm sorry. At least you know what he took. I remember High School (15 yrs ago). I'm sure he's feeling stressed about something that to us would be absolutely trivial.

I would try to figure out exactly what is going on in his head. Get him to counseling of some sort and then you go to the store and buy drug testing kits. Then you explain that he can no longer be trusted and he will be drug tested whenever in the heck you feel like doing it. Keep your word and do it. Even if this was only a one time thing. He needs to know that you are on his a$$.

It may sound stern but my mother was "nice" to my brother when he started this in High School. She kept saying it was the kids he hung out with blah, blah, freakin' blah. I kept telling her to be stern but she wanted to be his friend. Now he's 23 yrs old, still living at home and still "hanging out with the wrong people".

Then my little nephew got into something one day, I told my SIL to get the tests. She did and he was so scared he never messed up again. She said if the tests came back positive she would haul his butt down to the police station herself.

I'm sorry this was so long. I really hope this was the first time for him and he's learned his lesson.

marylandsoxfan replied: You need to get help for Ben right away. I only just registered, but I've been lurking for awhile and read the terrible story about his friend, and when I saw this I had to post.

It sounds like your DS got his hands on some Vicodin and OxyContin, both of which are really serious, dangerous drgs. Your posts about him for the last few weeks make it sound like he's majorly depressed, and the fact that he had that many prescription painkillers on him and took them right in the middle of the hallway at school is a huge red flag. If he'd taken all of them at once, it would have likely ended really, really badly. I know you're hurt and upset and freaked out by this, and rightfully so, but I don't think yelling at him and getting angry is going to help.

It might be a good idea, if you haven't already, to search his room and make sure he doesn't have any more pills, and I would be keeping an extremely close eye on him until you can get him some serious help ASAP. This sounds like it's spinning out of control for him.

I'll be praying for both of you.

amymom replied: Many Prayers coming your way!

CantWait replied: Prayers and PT's, hope you can get him help quickly. This is clearly a cry for help.

HuskerMom replied: I would let him know also that you're there for him and will help him through it and that he doesn't have to go through it alone. Are him and his brother close, maybe he should talk to him, it might help. I really hope that he gets the help he needs.

Iluvmyboys replied: Well right after we got home I did a full search of his room and found nothing. I was expecting to find something so it was a good surprise. I guess I did lose it with him with all the yelling and maybe I went a little over board. Actually I dont think he really heard much of what I was saying since he was half asleep on the way home and was pretty much like that the rest of the day/night. I dont know what Im going to do with him tomorrow or the rest of the week. We do have a meeting with the principal so I going to bring all this up with him. I am thinking of doing random drug testing for now on or at least till he gets help.

PS: Hes actually very close to his brother but I dont know Bens really not talking to anyone

redchief replied: Just a couple of things.

1. Let him know that drug use in your house is not permitted. He's an adult by calendar, but still relies on you for his roof, so that's somewhere you can and should go.
2. Impose curfews... same reasons as above.
3. Let him know that issue is one of trust and that he has severely eroded that with his drug use.
4. Find out where he really got the pills and be OK with forbidding Ben from spending leisure time with that person.
5. Conduct frequent drug tests if you feel you can't trust him to be truthful.
6. If you suspect he's already hooked on the drugs, get him into counseling now while you still have that much influence over him.

We had a similar experience with our daughter. The first 4 above were our course of action. I hope it worked. Seems to have so far.

lovemykiddies replied: I'm so sorry you're going through this with your son! I'm actually surprised they didn't send him to the ER or a behavioral health unit. If you think he's suicidal, please call the police. This might seem extreme, but my family has been through similar things. In fact, maybe a mental health facility would help him sort things out--or at least protect him from himself since he is so depressed. You guys are in my prayers.

Crystalina replied:
I'm sure it was a knee-jerk reaction and I would have responded the same way. He would have woken up with a sore head as well because I would have been popping him in it all the way home.

Mommy2BAK replied:
I'm sorry your having to deal with this. Hopefully it was just a one time thing and he has learned his lesson. Geez, I don't know how I'm ever going to parent teenagers, they scare me!

Iluvmyboys replied: We have to go down to the principals office in about an hour Im afraid of what is going to happen. I know hes going to suspended for atleast 5 days and that all the assigements he misses at school he cant make up so it will be an automatic F To top that off its his senior year and suppose to graduate late next month so I dont know. As far as the school knows they dont know why he took those pills, the probably figure he just did it for the heck of it you know just for laughs or something. They dont know about Squishy or that her death has really been bothering him. I am going to bring that up with the principal. I did make it VERY clear that as long as hes under our roof theres no drugs and he must go to counseling if he doesnt agree to that he has to find somewhere else to live. He didnt feel well at all this morning but I forced him to get up at 6 am to clean the house. He said the pills were still effecting him and he wanted to sleep more which made me even more P.Oed. I dont know whats up with him. This is so not like him, I know he has friends who do drugs and has been offered drugs many times before but hes never given into them. He use to be very good about that. So you can see why Im so shocked by this!

holley79 replied: Chrystal. I am so sorry. Is this stemming from losing his friend? I really hope he is able to get the help he needs.

I just read your last post. Please be sure they understand what is going on with him. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry this happened! But why wasn't he taken to the ER. Those drugs in combination could have some really serious side affects. I hope that he is okay and I agree that maybe he does need some kind of counselling.

lisar replied: I am so sorry. Maybe some counsling to help him with loosing his friend might help. I lost a friend when I was young and it was tuff to deal with. I wish him the best and the rest of your family.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm so sorry.

Seeing a counsellor will likely be agood thing for him, if he is honest with himself and with the therapist. He's still having a hard time about Squishy's death I suppose... maybe taking him somewhere like Alanon, but for Anorexia...? Like for the "survivors" of those afflicted with the disorder? kwim?

Maybe also, if you can afford it, send him into a sport of some kind, or something he enjoys... it will take his mind off things, but also be constructive for his self-esteem and his budding talents.

Iluvmyboys replied: Just got back from the meeting at the school. I so did not wanna be there at all, I think I actually hated it more then Ben. He was very quite throughout the whole meeting and the principal seemed very understanding when I told him the whole story about Squishy. He said hes heard about her story from around school and that she qraduated from there last year. The strange thing is that on the way to school Ben begged me not to bring up Squishy. I asked him how come and he said it would be to embarrassing. The principal asked him all kinds of questions like where did he get the pills, what did he think was going to happen, why did he do it and you know all those basic questions. He said he took them because he wanted to "chill out" more because hes been under a lot of stress lately and just not happy. He took the pills during school because he didnt think they would effect him that quick or to that extreme. He said if he would of known that he would of taken them at home. Then the principal asked what he was doing with that many number of pills and that if he was a dealer. Ben said no and that he had that many on him because he needed help to get through the day. He asked if he knew the dangers of taking that many drugs and Ben said of coarse but that didnt really matter to him. The principal asked what is stressing Ben out that he needs to do this to get through the day and he just said things like school, graduation, etc. He asked about Squishy and he said that bothers him most of all and that it was like all this started when she died. So now we have another meeting with the school counsilor (sp) since she wasnt in today The principal asked me if I thought Ben should be admited to the hospital since he could possiblely suicidal. When he asked this questionIs eerously did not know what to say! So I said I thought it would be alright. But I dont know! Im still thinking about it

amymom replied: Lots of prayers continue. I think he needs all the help available right now. And if that means hospital I would do that. I am very sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself and your boys.

holley79 replied: Chrystal I will continue to keep him and you in my thoughts and prayers.

Calimama replied: I hope he gets the help he needs. I'm sending some serious prayers your way.

Mommy2BAK replied: Aww you poor thing! You're being faced with so many decisions right now and I know you will make the right ones. I wish I knew the right things to say or the right advice to give, but unfortunately I don't. But I am here to listen anytime you need to talk. I'm not too far out of my teenage years myself, and I can sort of relate to a few things Ben may be going through. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

Iluvmyboys replied: So Im still debating over this whole thing with Ben. Did I do the right thing by not taking him to the ER? I dont know. The principal did suggest it if I thought Ben was suicidal or that we couldnt wait till our apointment with the school psycologist tomorrow. But I dont know, this is something thats been bothering me all day. I cant believe he would be suicidal, he just doesnt seem like the person who would do that. Hes still acting the same as he has been the past few weeks, mostly sleeping in his room and not really talking to anyone. Do you think taking him to the ER would be a little to extreme and dramatic?

A&A'smommy replied: I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry and that I hope counseling will do him a world of good. It is SOO hard to loose someone so close to you!!! I think you need to follow your mom instinct and do what you think would be best for him... I would watch him a lot closer and maybe even stay in his room with at least until you talk to the counselor and see what she says.. he might need some extreme counseling...

redchief replied: Ben sounds extremely depressed to me. I would definitely be worried about his mental health. I don't know enough about him to guess further, but his behavior is NOT normal 18 year old male.

I saw that you spoke of a number of pills... Where DID he get them? Why did he have more than he needed to get the single high he supposedly was looking for? Why did he take them in school? School would not be a place I would consider taking my first run at drugs... too public.

I'm having some thoughts here that I find uncomfortable. The first is that Ben isn't a one-time user. Another is that you already know this. Get the boy some help. He needs it.

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry, I can only imagine what you must be thinking and feeling. I agree with Ed and I would get him help right away. The sleeping and not talking to anyone really sounds like severe depression. I think getting him help now is the right thing to do. Hang in there!

amymom replied:

This is a little bit late since the night has passed. I hope you are all well. NO I do not think it is extreme or dramatic. I am not trying to be harsh, just supportive. I don't know how this will come across in written form. If I was there I would hug you and drive you both to the hospital so you could support him through this. Take care of both of you.

for informations sake: I was at the ER recently with my son for Xrays (skateboarding ugh!) and there was a teen girl in and unfortunately my son and I could hear her entire visit. But the bottom line is that the ER had counselors equiped to deal with the type of thing that you are going through right now.

Iluvmyboys replied: We got another appointment with the school psychologist in about an hour. Bens told me over and over that he doesnt want to go and that he'd rather take the 7 day suspension. I told him its either go to counseling or move out. He doesnt really have much of a choice here. So we'll see what happens today, Im sure the school psychologist will refer me to some kind of support group or counseling that would help. Ive been reading about some of the pills he took online I cant figure out why they didnt send him to the ER. Those are pretty serious drugs.

redchief replied: Please keep us posted. I know I wrote a little harshly last night, and I meant to. Ben needs some serious no-nonsense intervention. It appears you've come to that conclusion as well. I'll be praying for you all.

Kentuckychick replied:
I was having some of the same thoughts and questions as Ed.

The only thing I wanted to add was that if Ben truly was using those drugs for the first time... that is even scarier in my mind because he took the time to get them from somewhere and if he had that many and the security officer hadn't seen him... would he have taken them all?

I also agree it's odd they didn't call paramedics.

I may be completely wrong of course, but it was just a thought that crossed my mind. Depression is a very serious illness and even someone who's always been the happiest and most easy going person in the world, when hit by something horrible can suffer very badly... never ignore your gut feelings.

It sounds like there are people there willing to help him, I'm glad that the principal seemed concerned and didn't blow it off as a kid just using drugs. I think the important thing now is to keep it up with the ultimatum and make him get some help!