Traditional or Modern? - marriage-wise

Calimama wrote: I went to the grocery store with a friend and in the middle of the trip her DH called and said he was on the way home. She stopped.. mid shopping.. and went home so he would have a hot dinner.

My question is, in your marriage is everything 50/50?, or are you more "traditional" (probably not the right word) and believe something similar to "the husband works, the wife stays home with the kids, cooks, clean, etc".




For us it's 50/50, although he does work and I stay home. After Bella turns a year I will go back to work. As far as cooking and cleaning I do about 95% of it, not because I feel I have to but I'm a neat freak and I love to cook. There are days that I dont want to so DH does... but then I go back behind him and "finish" what he left.

redplaydoh replied: We're 50/50, well maybe 60/40 favoring DH's side. I hate cooking and he loves to. He also will clean and mend clothes.... I don't even know how to turn the sewing machine on!

Kaitlin'smom replied: well since we both work full time we try and split 50/50 but I think it might be more like 65/35, me being the 65. I do a bit more than him but as long as he helps and does not grip when something is not done I dont mind, if he were to grip I would simply say di it yourself then I dont have time

lesliesmom replied: I couldn't put a percentage on it... but if I did I'd say 80/20. We both work full time and he cooks dinner but after that it's usually me doing the laundry, cleaning, getting the kids ready for bed, bathing (occasionally DH, but not often ),etc.

Cece00 replied: I dont know if I could label our marriage, we kind of do what works for us. Dh works out of the home, and I work PT in home & stay home with the kids, too.

I probably do about 75 of the housework, but he does help, even if I have to bug him to do it. He also does all the outside work, work on cars, etc.

jcc64 replied: Wow, your friend did that?! I don't even think my grandmother was that old fashioned.
I think I would be labelled as modern, but to me, it's just practical. We both work full time, there's no other way to get it done if everyone's not pitching in, including the kids. Dh and I split the cooking according to who feels like dealing with it that day, we each do the chores that we hate the least, and the rest of it doesn't get done until we're having people over.
And if I feel like going shopping or out to eat with my gf's, it's every man for himself. If you can read, you can cook.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Ha! Love it!

I gotta write that somewhere and post it on my fridge... lol

I do most of the cooking. I love to cook, and DH doesn't... but he will offer to do it sometimes, and he does, even if it IS only hotdogs or kraft dinner.

I also do most of the cleaning... it's just EASIER if I do it rather than nag all the time about it.

He does do most kid related things though, like give them their baths, gets them dressed in the mornings, and he lets me sleep in most weekends.

sparkys2boys replied: Up until i stopped working before xmas it was 50/50 and now that I am home it's like 60/40 I guess. I'm not really sure KWIM.. we just do what needs to get done. I am clean freak too, so I do alot of extra cleaning. But DH will cook. clean, do laundry, get groceries, etc! He's great at that stuff and I don't have to nag him to do it.

gr33n3y3z replied: 50/50 here also
Ed works way to many hours in a week but he finds a way to help around the house or runs Erin or katie here or there. Thank you hun
As you all know I work part time but didnt start that until Katie was in school and they job just fell into my lap

But if I decided I wasnt going to be home for dinner Ed would make it he is a great cook

Plus Ed would never expect me to jump or drop what I was doing just to make him dinner or what ever.

Boo&BugsMom replied: We are a little of both. I would love to not have to work and be a SAHM. I like taking care of the house and my child, soon to be children and letting my husband make the money. I'm not a career person, I'm a family person. I hope to some day be able to have that choice. The only issue I have is with cooking. I really can not stand cooking. If I would have been somewhere like in your story, I would have called hubby and told him to start dinner or something. In a way we are more modern though because my hubby isn't nec. "head of household". What he says does not go, we work it out and both agree on whatever the conclusion. I know some couples who take the "husband is head of household" to an extreme, and that is something I can not live with. Decisions in our house are made by both and discussed equally.

Boys r us replied:
My house exactly!!!!

Once I was at my MIL's salon getting my hair done and it was in the evening and she asked me, "what did you leave the guys out for dinner?" I stared laughing and said, "Rick can certainly take care of making dinner for the boys and himself...he did graduate college, I feel confident he can prepare something edible..or at least drive to mcdonald's so that they don't starve to death!"

boyohboyohboy replied: we are "traditional" I do the most of all the housework, kids and cooking, laundry.however if he notices I am tired or behind, he always helps without being asked. and he pitches in when he can. He works 16-18 hour work days 5-6 days a week. since I am a sahm, I do feel those are part of my chores..

also, it was part of our marriage vows, that if there was a conflict in our marriage that could not be resolved then my dh would have the last say, and his way would be the way..I agreed to that, because my dh would never do anything then what was best for our family, and I trust him completely. I also know he always takes my ideas and thoughts into consideration, and has never told me no..the only way he would force an issue is if it were life and death I do believe.

I do make sure I am home to have dinner on the table for him each night, but if I wasnt he wouldnt be upset.
I know alot of my friends have difficulties with the ideas in our marriage, but honestly, we never fight, and I feel more secure in my relationship then alot of people do.

we follow the basic ideas of our religion in our marriage.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: A little of both here, too. I do as much as I can for Scotty, but he is comfortable taking care of himself, the kids and the house when I'm not able to or if he just wants to help out.

My dad on the other hand. That man can't do anything for himself (b/c he's never had to). But, he's so sweet to my mom. He would definitely starve if there wasn't anything cooked for him. But, he'd never complain.

luvbug00 replied: traditional in sence of I WANT to be the domsetic goddess but modern in decision making.

my2monkeyboys replied: Well, since I'm a SAHM, I do 90% of the cleaning, cooking, taking care of Will and I run the paper-work end of the business. My DH works an average of 12-16 hrs a day, 4-6 days a week. On his day(s) off he'll cut grass, change oil, that kind of thing. Maybe wash a load of dishes if he's invited company over without asking me first and the house is a mess so I have to clean all that before I can cook for them! LOL
Really, we're pretty traditional, except I actually make most of the decisions. Not bc I'm the boss, that's just the way it works out usually. He's on the road a lot so I'm the one at home dealing with whatever issues come up. He's always been the type to want to be with me all the time, so even when he goes to deer camp I have to encourage him to go. Every once in a while I'll do something in the evening with a friend, but usually we're together for meals.

C&K*s Mommie replied: We are a little of both as well. Chris is a hard worker for us, so I enjoy doing what I can for him. He is a huge help with the kids, when I am not able to be around, and I could not ask for more.

stella6979 replied: I'd say we're about 65/35 in favor of my hubby. We both work full time, but he works midnights, and rather than pay for daycare, his Dad will come over and babysit for about 4 or 5 hours and then he's up with her until I get home. I do ALL of the cooking, but he does the majority of the cleaning, which is fine by me.

A&A'smommy replied: well i wouldn't say we are traditional because I barely ever cook, but I do most of the cleaning, and he takes the trash out and mowes the grass (I would but I don't want him getting use to the idea that I CAN do it because he would NEVER do it again )

MommyToAshley replied: We have a rather unique situation in that we also work out of our home. So, the week really depends on what is happening at work. If I have a big work load then DH watches Ashley and does the housework. And, if he has a lot going on at work, then I do the majority of the household chores and watch Ashley. All things being equal at work, I'd say we do 50-50. I do the cooking but Dh does the dishes. I do the laundry (DH usually helps to fold) and he does the vacuuming. I clean the bathrooms (bleh), and he cleans the bedrooms and office. He mows the grass and I trim the bushes. It just all seems to fall into place.

I would never do what your friend did though and leave in the middle of something to come home and cook dinner. Nor would DH expect it. The scenerio would go more like this: DH would call and ask how long I was going to be and if I wanted to meet him someplace for dinner.

holley79 replied: Well Dh has dinner cooked most nights when I get home from work. We both pick up the house. He does more cleaning then I do because he's the neat freak. I wouldn't say we are "traditional" in the sense of the word.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I can't really put a percentage on it either, but we're probably more traditional. Since I stay at home and Dh works it makes the most sense for me to do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Dh is always quick to offer to take care of dinner if I'm tired though, and he helps with cleaning projects when he has the time. He takes the garbage out (most of the time ) and when I'm pg he's the one that cleans out the cat's litter box.

ETA: I wouldn't have dropped everything to run home to make my dh dinner like that, no matter how traditional I might be! That sounds a little extreme to me.