To top it off my MIL hurt my feelings

My2Beauties wrote: Ok so this may get long...so sorry in advance. Yesterday Staci (Des's mom for those who don't know) sent me some pictures of them at Thunder over Louisville. Saturday night started the kick-off to the Kentucky Derby events here in town. So, I noticed in the pics that Des was in that I didn't like what she was wearing. We're talking a crowd of 800,000 + people, a record crowd this year. The weather was gorgeous and I know it got hot being in that crowd but she had on a pair of really short shorts and basically a sports bra and nothing else. I didn't like it and frankly, thought it was inappropriate but I don't have the final say so as to what Des wears and Brian has no clue half the time what she gets to walk out the door with because she doesn't live with us all the time. I said something to Brian about her clothes in the pic and he got upset about it. Ok I explained to him that I understand it's hard to find girls clothes that fit her that are appropriate for her age being that Des is outgrowing me and I have a hard time finding something stylish and cute that isn't short as it is nowadays but I'd search and search to find it if it were up to me. So he said something to Desiree, he didn't mention my name at all he said he got a call from some friends of his who saw her down there and they told him what she was wearing was inappropriate. This keeps me out of all of it because frankly, Staci forwarded the pics to me, she let her wear it and that's between her and Brian, I said something because I thought he had a right to know, but with her being my friend I definitely do not want to get into the middle of it. I respect Staci and trust her judgment I just thought it was a little too much. She already pushes boundaries but this was over the top, I won't even post a pic of it on here or my myspace page because I don't want anyone seeing her in it. So....MIL is sitting over there when he confronts her and she said no she had on a jacket over it blah blah blah, there were pics of her later on that night with a jacket on, but the pics taken during the day that I saw she had on the "sports bra shirt!" Brian said no she had that on around you you evidently didn't see the other shirt. So MIL then says well she sees LeaAnn wear that stuff and that makes her think it's ok. Ok first of all, I like to wear cute clothes, but by no means do I walk around with my stomach hanging out and my butt cheeks flapping in the wind. Even before I had kids I hardly ever wore a shirt that showed my stomach off, if it did was maybe the bottom right by my belly button. I also feel like the shorts I wear are not super short and the shirts I wear do not hang so low you can see it all. Now I admit I like to wear nice cute shirts when I go out to bars, but they are always within reason and nothing is ever hanging out, anyone can see what I wear on my myspace page when I go out. I'm always covered up and never have anything loose hanging out I never wear skirts and I never wear anything but jeans (with the exception of one time I wore shorts) to a bar. I've always noticed that Des likes my sexier clubbing outfits but I've always told her well you won't be getting anything like this soon because you're too young and I've stressed the fact that she's young and does not need to be wearing clothing that is revealing or even remotely sexual in anyway. I don't even think my clothes are that bad I've seen much much worse but I've let her know they're not appropriate for her. ALSO...I'm a grown woman and I'm not a 13 year old girl so frankly, I feel I can wear what I want as long as I'm not offending anyone. I have to dress up and wear suits everyday to my job and 9 times out of 10 during the week that's what everyone sees me in, I rarely change when I get home unless it's into my oversized PJ's and on the weekends through the winter, I wear jeans, tennis shoes, and fitted shirts that go way below the waist and cover my top, in the summer I'll wear shorts, flip flops and a fitted shirt as well...in no way, shape or form do I find this offensive or overly sexy. Apparently to my MIL I'm a bad influence or something Not to mention Staci dresses exactly like me almost to the tee so me being the only one mentioned first off hurt my feelings. Secondly the fact that she had the audacity to comment on my clothes when I'm 28 and Des is 13 and I don't wear the things she wears absolutely made me so mad!

I need honest opinions...a lot of you guys have seen pics of me or on on my myspace page...clothing wise do I dress too sexy or provocative (and please do not include my Halloween costume ) in front of my kids? I know I have some racy pics on my myspace page of me and my friends out partying but that's what I do when I'm out partying with my husband or my friends. I'm talking clothing here, I mean I just wonder. DH took up for me he mentioned that he thought I dressed perfectly fine and that I was a grown woman and she is 13 and there's no excuse he doesn't care if I walked around in my bra and underwear all the time there's still no excuse for it.

cameragirl21 replied: I don't know anything about your myspace or what you wear but I do think your MIL was out of line, probably because she agrees with Brian about the clothes being inappropriate and doesn't want to admit because she too probably feels like there is not much she can do. How is her relationship with Staci?
I'm sorry your MIL hurt your feelings. Try to stay positive.

My2Beauties replied:
There is a link to it at the bottom of my siggy. My MIL's relationship with Staci is really good, they talk and Staci goes over there all the time, she is around us for holidays and everything, we're all like one big happy family. My MIL just never lets us discipline our kids either, anytime we get on Des about anything she jumps to her rescue and tells us to quit being so hard on her....well she's 13 she needs to know there are consequences to misbehaving or certain things she does or having an attitude, it's hard enough as it is without her 2 cents...so to say that not only does she contradict everything we're saying and make Des think well at least someone is on my side but she hurt my feelings in the process by mentioning my name when I have never had anyone ever say that to me, I don't think I dress bad honestly I don't.

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree with this statement. As women, we enjoy feeling sexy every now and then and there is nothing wrong with that. The bottom line is that you are a grown woman and she is 13 and dressing that way at that age is NOT appropriate. Why are kids so anxious to grow up?!!!

momofone replied: I would be concerned too if my daughter dresses too sexy because there are too many weirdos around i admit i used to dress that way when i was a teenager but i think i was looking for attention that i didnt get at home.

My2Beauties replied:
I don't know but she really is, she talks about how she can't wait until she's 21 and how she can't wait until she can do this and that...I always say slow down it'll get here before you know it and you'll miss being a kid. What's really sad is that the two best friends Des hangs out with, one has had 2 pregnancy scares (she's 15) and the other well...we just found out last week is pregnant (she's 15 also) and the father is a 27 year old man Well we think, it could also be another boy who just turned 18..either way it's awful and DH is really on edge that she is even associating herself with these kids (and they are cousing, but family or not they don't need to be around her) and Staci is letting it go on behind our backs, my kids wouldn't be near these girls. They have sad family lives but it doesn't make up for the fact that we still have to protect her...I'm just worried about her innocence and her well being in general.

coasterqueen replied:
I agree with this, but I also think we should set examples for our children, even if we are the grown up and they aren't. We set examples for our children on a daily basis - manners, values, etc, etc - so why wouldn't clothes be part of that?

I've not seen your myspace page so I can't comment there. Do I think you dress provocative? Well, it's really not my place to say so. You definitely show a lot more "figure" than I do, but what gives me the right to say either way. You dress a lot like my sister, I'd say, and well for me and in my house and with my girls - yes that would be too provocative for me to set an example for my girls. I mean, if I wear a tank top (with spaghetti straps) around the house with a pair of pj bottoms my girls comment they can see my bb's and their almost hanging out. Then they'll turn around and make comments to me when I tell them they are wearing something that shows their bbs and they need to put a shirt on underneath. Their comment is "well, you have". Yes, I can use the phrase "so what, I'm the adult, you aren't and when you are an adult you can dress the same way", but for me that's not the response I want to give or want to teach them when it comes to that. Now for going out when they aren't around - clubbing (that's what you called it, I think?) - their not there so it shouldn't matter, right? Although I have always wondered why people dress so provocatively when clubbing -- especially if one is married.

Ok, I'm rambling and probably obviously offending you - but you asked for an opinion and I gave it. I think it boils down to how you ultimately want to deal with it with your children and how you want to set examples for them. There is no right or wrong - just each one's personal level to handle things.

stella6979 replied:
Oh I absolutely agree about setting examples. I was more referring to when we go out for a night on the town or something. Not so much how we dress around the house.

moped replied: I haven't been able to read the whole post, but I think I get it.........here is my take!

If I had hald the kick a$$ body you do I would wear a lot more prvacative clothing than you do!

You dress great and just perfectly fine!

coasterqueen replied:
I getcha. I also think personality, style, etc has a lot to do with that opinion. For me, a night out on the town clubbing would be dressing up in classy, work-like clothes and going dancing. Maybe where I'd hang out to go clubbing is where the "old folks" would hang out. Although, in my 20's I wanted to dress more provocatively when "clubbing" (I think that's the same as going out and dancing, right? ), but in my 30's, completely settled in as a mother and wife......classy is more my style.

My2Beauties replied:
No you didn't offend me at all and I appreciate your comment. Honestly around my house I'm almost always either in my work clothes or my PJ's on the weekends it's wither jeans/shorts and a fitted shirt, I ver rarely wear tank tops but my shirts are fitted meaning they aren't baggy t-shirts but they by no means are tight and nothing is spilling out. So in front of my kids I do think that I dress just fine. I have some tank tops but I have no bb's so nothing ever spills out if you KWIM I'm very not blessed I guess you could say in that area. Now when I go out I do wear sexier clothing but that's just me and as long as my DH is ok with it then I will wear it because I like to feel sexy and half the time he's with me when I have it on, because we go out together a lot too. I feel if my kids aren't around then it's ok. I woud never wear "a clubbing outfit" in front of my kids. Hope that explains more.

coasterqueen replied: Glad I didn't offend you. I think it's hard to give opinions on these type of things when people's styles are so different. Like I said before, dressing up classy/business like makes me feel much more sexy than provocative clothing. Maybe that's an age thing. I guess not, since Jen (moped) doesn't feel that way. I don't think it's a "weight" thing as when I was a LOT skinnier I felt the same way.

My2Beauties replied:
OMG girl thank you but I have a knack for sucking things in! LOL! I appreciate it though Jen you're one hot momma yourself girl

mckayleesmom replied: Well...I have met you in person and I agree with Jen..If I had your body I would run around half naked.. Sadly..you saw me too and I don't.

With that being said, I didn't think you dressed innapropriately at all when we got together those few times. Having met Dessi...that girl does not look 13 , she looks like she is 16 or 17 and that is so scary. When I first met you guys I thought that she was you and you were her step daughter..

The feeling I got when we went out was that she sees you as a good friend and stepmom. I would get Staci's permission to talk to her. Maybe if you told her the reasons why you are worried, she would take it better then it comming from her mom or Brian. Maybe you can take her to buy some clothes that are fun and age appropriate without turning her into a nun..although I'm sure you would love to turn her into a nun.

Also, with the sex going on in her friends lives and pregnancies popping up all over, now would be a good time to establish some open communication with her..again with her moms permission. You guys need to come up with a game plan and a safety net for her if she does think she is going to become sexually active. I know she is 13 and its so sad, but its happening.

My2Beauties replied:
Thanks Bri but I think you are gorgeous and shouldn't say things about yourself like that girl..tsk tsk!

I feel safe in that we do openly talk to Des about sex...even Brian does and we've always always told her no matter how much we may not like what we're going to hear we want you to be truthful with us. I can definitely say that Staci is completely on top of the sex thing and Des is very open about it and we talk about it all the time and Staci has instilled it in her that being a teenage mom is no picnic and so has Brian and Staci has no problem with me talking to Des about sex because I have. Des was actually crying when she found out about her cousin because she knows what she is in for and she is upset with her for making the decisions she has made, so that makes me feel a tad bit better. HOWEVER...LOL that being said Des does look much much older and more so now than ever (when you met her I think she was what 11) honey it's 10x worse now. You'd die if you saw some pics lately. So.....that being said we're in charge of her summer clothes this year. I don't know where these shorts she had on came from but anything else that is bought this year will be age appropriate because I have already volunteered to take her.

moped replied: How will Staci feel about you picking her summer clothes? Just curious!!!!!!

My2Beauties replied:
She doesn't have to buy 'em so she could care less LOL We usually almost always buy her clothes at the beginning of each season or school year, so I've been picking out her clothes for years...it's the througout the year clothes that Staci buys her that we question and Des is known to borrow Staci's clothes and shirts and stuff too.

luvbug00 replied: ITA with Bri, 100%. it doesn't matter who she is with the loudest voice they say children hear in their heads at times of peer pressure can be their parents. communication needs to happen NOW.
BTw you dress fine.

MommyToAshley replied: From what I recall, all the pictures I've seen of you with the girls, you've been in a t-shirt and jeans or a cute outfit. I don't see how that is inappropriate. I wouldn't give MIL's comments the time of day.

I'm glad you are stepping up and helping Des to make better wardrobe choices. But, to be truley effective, you will need to bring Staci on board and she will have to agree not to let her buy those clothes as well otherwise I don't think it will be effective.