To obey?
My2Beauties wrote: OK so last night we're picking out our vows and the preacher (who happens to be Brian's uncle) looks at me and says "Do you want the words to obey to be part of your vows?" I'm like "yeah sure, we'll obey each other as long as it's within reason!" OK I get to looking at the scripture and the only "To obey" piece is said by the bride, the groom doesn't have to say that! So Brian is getting a big kick out of it he's like yeah you have to say obey  Ok HA HA Anywhoo, he can cross it out at the last minute all I have to do is tell him to do it at the rehearsal on Friday. But I wanted your opinions, obviously Brian is not this extreme authoritarian and he will by no means ever think that he can rule the roost so to speak and yes I will "obey" my husband to a certain extent "Hey LeaAnn can you rub my back" "Yes honey" "hey LeaAnn can you get the phone" "Yes honey" "Hey can you pick this up for me on your way home" "Yes honey" - BUT "Hey LeaAnn can you keep your butt at home while I go out to the club or the nudie bar with my single friends" "&*^*^ NO"  I mean so my question to you guys is, should I say these because I know that he wouldn't push his boundaries when it comes to obeying him and that in turn he will obey me so to speak or since it's my vows and if he does come off with some cockamamie wild thing to do and I absolute refuse it, then I'd be lying on my vows. Should I take it this seriously, is obey in a literal sense because I don't think it is, back in the day women were to literally OBEY their DH. So should I leave it out all together, I want to be traditional and stuff, but should this just be out of the picture? Did you guys say it? 
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: IMO I would take it out completely if you're feeling uncomfortable with it. I think you can alter your vows as much as you want. I didn't get married in a church, nor had even close to a traditional wedding, my FIL married us, we wrote our own vows with his help, but I completely changed what my FIL first presented to us. IT was tough. But this is your wedding and a day you will remember for the rest of your life. No one in the audience will notice one bit that you took something out. No one memorizes that stuff. Plus, it's so common these days to write either your own or play around with the wording. I am Jewish, my DH is not, so to make me feel comfortable, I really reworded a lot of the prayers and wording on God. That's just my opinion. I would be sure everything is equal in terms of what you're saying and you're DH is saying. I think they should be the same exact words to each other. This is a union, two people coming together as ONE. Obey is an old-fashioned word in my opinion. 
lisar replied: I took the word obey out of my vows. The preacher almost didnt marry us becasue of it. I told the preacher I wasnt going to Obey anyone. That I wasnt a dog. Well the church we got married in believes that the wives shoudl obey thier mate. So we went round and round with him on this. He finally decided to see it my way and not do it. I told him I was paying him alot of money to do this and I would be happy to move the entire wedding to some other place. It is up to you if you want it but I took mine out.
Lisa
TANNER'S MOM replied: I didnt' say that in either wedding.
I mean every word I said in my wedding..especially the 2nd...lolol I do mean that as a joke. I have always taken my vows very seriously..
But we said Love Honor and CHERISH.. I didn't want to obey.. I wanted to be CHERISHED...that is a really pretty word if you say it out loud too!
Mel
mom21kid2dogs replied: We chose rather traditional vows and they had "Obey" in both the Bride and Groom's vows. I swear everyone on my side of the aisle laughed when I said that!  JMO, I'd add it to his or take it out of yours, whichever you feel most comfortable with.
DansMom replied: To love, honor and cherish is really nice. To love, honor and respect is also good. I say, take "obey" out. It really does make you sound like a troublesome pet.
moped replied: Love honor cherish as long as you both shall live
OBEY - BULL@$^% - LOL - Kidding, but no I don't htink you should have that
My2Beauties replied: OK thanks, I just didn't want to sound bad by leaving it out!
A&A'smommy replied: You know LeaAnn I don't even remember if I said that in my vows but to tell you the truth I don't think it really matters unless YOU want to be traditional in that way. I think all I said was "love, honor and respect"
amymom replied: It has been 20 years but I am sure we both said the exact same thing. And I think we said love, honor & cherish. I will see if I can put a hand on my program because it was all written in there. This was a church (Catholic) wedding so it was pretty traditional.
kimberley replied:
LOL ITA! 
3_call_me_mama replied: We had love honor respect and cherish in ours! OBEY?! NEVER! LOL
DVFlyer replied: I didn't realize vows were taken so seriously. Don't take that the wrong way. I understand the "idea" of them, but the literalality (huh?) literalisness (what?) how do you word THAT one?
I never thought about how literal they were being taken. Might be a guy thing. FWIW, Michelle and I wrote our own vows. Mostly because we're not religious. But also because it meant a lot to Michelle.
JessC replied: I seriously believe, that if you want the word OBEY in there than you can have it, I personally wouldnt have it, because some guys take it into consideration.
I seriously wouldnt use it!  
DVFlyer replied:
Find me a guy who really thinks when you say "obey" it means "obey" and I'll show you someone who's seriously messed up. I can't imagine any person- guy or girl- actually thinking they need to "obey" someone they marry. Honor, respect- yes.
If someone you were going to marry actually took obey literally, I'd hope you turn and run so fast there would be just a smokey outline of where you used to be.
My2Beauties replied:
Yeah but I've tried to cross that road and he wasn't crossing it if you KWIM! He wants to traditional vows, Brian is just simple that way, he didn't want to have to memorize vows, poissibly choke in front of people or stand there with a piece of paper reading them etc etc...he wasn't down for the idea! LOL! I want to take them seriously because it's a promise, so when they say obey I just figure leave it out, because like people have said I'm not his pet, he doesn't own me and I don't have to answer to anyone. I will obey my husband in a sense that I will do whatever I can to make him happy within limits, but if making him happy means that he can order me around, be lazy, and behave like an animal then no I won't obey him! I want to be truthful in my vows because they mean something. I mean I know some people may not take them as literal as I do, but I know I will love, honor, and cherish him, but OBEY Yeah right!
My2Beauties replied:
Yes you are probably right, but the word obey means obey and you'd be surprised at how many men really think they are the head of the household! Every watch Maury Povich  ??
Lynda836 replied: We didn't use "obey" in our vows either. It just didn't convey "partnership" to us. When we were choosing our vows, even our readings, we wanted people to hear stuff that reflected our feelings that day and how we felt about marriage....happiness and love, not to be too corny. Our priest was very flexible, and I still think our wedding was traditional. Ultimately it's up to you, but if you feel uncomfortable with it now, you might want to lose "obey". Lots of people choose not to use it...and people probably won't even notice the change since so many people do it. Remember, it's your day...do what feels good for you.
gr33n3y3z replied: We got married in a Catholic church and I just asked Ed what did we say? and neither one of can really remember LOL
but I think it was To love, honor and cherish till death due us part
Ed said what ever I said he said so that has to be it 
coasterqueen replied: We didn't use obey either in ours. Although my MIL who is a Jehovah witness thinks I should "obey" my husband. I put her in her place on that one.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Here are our vows...Glad the church typed them for me b/c I can't remember a thing.
I, Scott take thee, Aimee to be my lawful wedded wife, and trusting in God's help, I promise to faithfully love you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and thereto I pledge thee my love.
I, Aimee take thee, Scott to be my lawful wedded husband, and trusting in God's help, I promise to faithfully love you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and thereto I pledge thee my love.
And our declaration of intention states that we are ready to enter the holy relationship of marriage to accept the full responsiblities of husband/wife, to be loving, faithful and helpful whether in days of success or adversity.
 So, nope, no obeying there. Just loving, respectful, helpful and faithful. 
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