To have or not to have - will we ever decide

coasterqueen wrote: Dh pretty much has decided he only wants two kids, but he says he'll keep an open mind about a third. I am not sure what I want. Some days I think I want just one more and other days things just seem perfect the way they are. I've got pros and cons for both, but last night showed me one pro to only having two.

It was just a really sweet moment. Dh and Kylie were downstairs in the basement watching a movie on the projecter. I just got Megan dressed in her pj's and thought we'd go down and see what the other two were doing before putting her to bed. Megan and I layed down on the couch and I was for sure she wouldn't sit still. Much to my suprise she layed there watching the movie as I held her in my arms. I looked over at the other side of the room and Dh was on the other couch holding Kylie in his arms. I looked at him and said "well this is definitely a pro for just having two". He just looked at me and said "momma, when you start becoming outnumbered by your kids you are in trouble. This is just perfect". I was looking for something a bit more sweet to come out of his mouth at that perfect moment, but oh well.

So I wonder if I will ever know if just having 2 is the answer or if we should go for number 3. SIGH.

Jamison'smama replied: We have debated that too. As it stands, we have two asthmatic kids. Neither are too bad but what would a 3rd be like? I am not a spring chicken and have had 2 C-sections with significant scar tissue built up--hmmm, little tiny babies just seem so appealing to me but the thought of having 2 feels pretty special.

The advantages of 2 sure show up during vacation planning---some cruise lines require an extra room for more than 4 people...I'm sure other places do as well. I want to pay for college and other things---can I do that with more kids?

I am with you on the uncertainty.

coasterqueen replied:
Yeah the financial aspect definitely drives DH's decision. We'd have to add on because it would just be too crowded in our house if we didn't and I want each kid to have their own room.

I think a part of me wants to go a third time because I'm curious what it would be like to have a boy. I LOVE LOVE having two girls and I only have a sister, so I know what girls are like. I've never had a brother and for some reason going on in life without experiencing having a boy seems incomplete, I guess. Dh doesn't understand because he has both brothers and sisters. I think if I had a brother I probably wouldn't be so curious. Course having a 3rd doesn't guaranty a boy and I would be just as excited to have a 3rd girl.

I'm just not sure if my curiosity and desires are more important than putting my kids through college or having a retirement, etc. I know we would not be able to put 3 through college or have a retirement if we had a third. That's important to us.

I also think about how much time I would be able to give each kid if I had more than 2. Right now Dh and I can work together to make sure both girls get as much of our time as possible and quite frankly that is hard at times. How would we do that with a third?

Like I said, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to decide.

luvmykids replied:
That got a good belly laugh out of me this morning!

I can't help you with your question though, the only thing I would ask is to maybe give yourself some kind of time frame, if you haven't decided or had another one by a certain time, to take that as your answer. Just for me personally, I don't think I'd want them too far apart, maybe no more than 5 years or something. Sounds lame I guess, probably no help!

MyLuvBugs replied: I don't know....I always figured I have two hands and DH has two hands, so Four is a good number. But finances are a driving force for my DH as well. He worries about college, weddings, etc..... But it all works out in the end IMO.

Kaitlin'smom replied: Well I only have one and I love it but I will confess Kait and I were snuggling on the bed one morning and I thougth wow it would be nice to have another for this arm. I am not sure if we will have 2, we have a few things we need to do before even considering it. My MIL told me that when Kait is 6 I will have a boy, DH did not like that when he thought how old he would be in 3 years. So I am not sure even on the second one and if we were to have one more that would be it. We want to help with college, have a good retirement and enjoy life.

3_call_me_mama replied: Well we were all set with 2.. cause we too didn't want to be out numbered. And a third was not in teh plans.. but sometimes you get blessing that are just wonderful suprises and everything works out perfectly. Leave it to the hands above, is what I woudl do. If it were meant to be you'll get a sign, or it will just happen (And growing up without a sister I only could have wished that my mom would've another! )

booey2 replied: Hugs first Karen because we have this debate all the time and I know how hard it can be. Just recently we have concluded (I believe) that 2 is the perferct number for us. DH turned 40 last year and he was having a hard time dealing with the boys on certain days and at those moments had his mind firmly made up that 2 is enough. He would love to have a girl but I keep reminding him that unless you can guantee 100% the next one will be girl he may be trying for years. We also only use 1 kind of BC and DH doesn't really like it and we have had a few scares because of his reluctance to wear it. So he is ready for the big doc appointment I keep pushing him to go. If it was a perfect world and money was no object I would be a stay at home mom to at least 4 kids. I say this because once you are past 3 I believe you might as well round it up to 4. Easier for travelling, hotels, restaurants and cars/vans suite 6 better than 5 or any other odd number. So I have resigned myself to my 2 beautiful boys and am starting to get rid of my baby stuff but I am waiting til he has his sugery before I give it all away.

With all that said you have to ultimately do what you feel is best. I was never really a girls girl if you know what I mean. I don't have that ache to have a daughter the boys are fine by me. Now if I was to have had a daughter, who knows it may be different. It is really not an easy decision and you are definitely not alone in it.

luvbug00 replied: I having the same delima.. days I'm all about having 2 kids and others I just want to have Mya. I guess nothing but fate can finalize those plans..
for you.

NikkiM replied: We have 2 kids atm... Logan is going to be 3 next month, Madison is going to be 18 months. I definitely want 1 more... MAYBE 2 more. We both agree with this. But, as you all said finances play an important role.

amynicole21 replied: We still haven't figured this out either. DH says it's up to me I love babies, and want more, but is it practical to have another?? I know that I want Sophia to be in elementary school before we have another... I can't afford 3 daycare bills! Ack!

coasterqueen replied:
That was another thing. I thought we'd definitely have to wait until Kylie was in school, but that's 3 years away. I'm not sure I want to wait that long to have another IF I was to have one. If I'm going to have another one I want to have one before 35 for health reasons. Decisions.

coasterqueen replied: Terri,

You bring up an excellent point that if you are going to have 3 might as well go for 4. Course I REALLY don't think I want 4. Three would be all I think I could do.

lesliesmom replied: DH and I went through this last summer when we had a "scare" and had pretty much come to terms with 2 was good for us. Then, a couple months later we found out that 3 is better than 2... oops....

But, it is a hard question to answer because there are some many factors: finances, daycares, vacations, house, etc. The list goes on. The way DH and I looked at it was that someone wanted us to have a third so He just snuck it in on us. Believe me, it took us about 3-4 months to get comfortable with the idea (DH is 41 and really didn't want to have kids after 40).

Best of luck and think of it this way, whatever choice you make will be the right choice for you and your husband because you made it.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I got hrough that every day... and I have 3!! lol

We thought two was more than enough for us. We told ourselves that in a few years, we might have another - but that if we had a 3rd, like Terii, we might as well go for four.

But number 3 happened a few years earlier - and although I can sorta handle 3...i'm not sure I could handle 4 kids under 5... not from day 1!!!

We're not closing the door. I just don't want to be told : "you can't have any more"
even though my mom sure tries to.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Our family is complete But I do know how you feel. Scotty and I do that, too. We both know we are finished, but we still wonder what a third would be like, but it's so nice the way it is.

ashtonsmama replied:
Sounds like a very sweet moment...way to ruin it Dad!

Good luck deciding...I'm sure it's hard!

Brias3 replied: My husband and I talk about this too, more frequently recently than before. He's pretty unbiased towards the situation. Before marriage and kids, we had always talked about two or three. Now that we're already at the latter, he's said before, Well heck, we're already outnumbered so what's another in the grand scheme of it really. Honestly, I'm just not sure. Three seems like the perfect amount for me right now but I can honestly say I remember feeling the same with two also. That alone scares me....would I feel just as comfortable with four?

I'm so up in the air right now. The thing that makes it especially difficult is the fact that Ryan is in school full-time now and Aliyah will be as of next year so I feel that I could honestly handle it then. I agree with you about the age thing too. I guess my biggest suggestion would be to make a pro and con list and see how they turn out. It sounds silly but this is how I usually come to terms with big decisions- it totally lays the cards out for you visibly. The biggest thing holding me up is the fact that I feel perfect now with three but I feel like I might regret in the future having not had another when it was such a prevalent thing in my mind.

Sorry I wasn't much help, that's the best I could do being in an indecisive state on the issue too. Good luck with the decision no matter what!