The super nanny thread got

Boys r us wrote: me thinking..you know there are an awful lot of bad parents out there...

What do you think constitutes a bad enough parent that the child should be taken away from the parent(s)?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm not sure, Nichole. I think it must be awfully HARD to get a judge take custody away from a mom! I really can't imagine not having custody of my children. Of course I know some moms that are not the BEST moms and still have custody of theirs.

With that being said, I would say drugs, neglegence, abuse, etc. I hate to see children being mistreated. IMO, the state should take more of these cases seriously.

My2Beauties replied: Well definitely physical abuse #1 as well as:

neglect, drug use in front of children, alcohol abuse to a certain extent, truancy (not making child go to school), mentally abusing a child, and making a child live under filthy non-habitable conditions! i hate bad parents!

mommy2owen replied: It got me thinking too! Not only about what a parent has to do to get their children taken away, but how they would feel once it hits them.

I think that hannasmommy got most of the reasons down!

Boys r us replied: I agree Aimee!

I see all of these horror stories of mom's who neglect their child, abuse them, use drugs..all of that and still they reside with their mother instead of the father who would be a better suited parent who wants custody.

So that leads me to believe that you would have to be a COMPLETELY undevoted and unfit parent to lose custody of your child.

But, in my opinion a parent should lose custody of a child if they use drugs, abuse them, neglect them(not feeding them, housing them, leaving them alone, ect)...

gr33n3y3z replied: I agree with what everyone said
But abuse in any form is reason enough.

gr33n3y3z replied: I shouldnt say this but a little 1st grader came to school today with out eating so we fed him in the kitchen ........ But his Mom didnt have him the night before someone else watched him ...... I think his Mom is sick or something.
Now what in the heck was those ppl. thinking of not feeding him in the am! So sad isnt it?

TANNER'S MOM replied: I would like to add to the mix..not seeing that your child has an education..

Tanner's teacher told me personally, that you would be surprised how many parents don't care if homework is done..if school supply needs are met etc.
She said at least 70 percent of her class has what she calls UNINVOLVED parents...

Of cours I am sure that is due to other reasons..drug abuse, drinking etc. But this should be used as a factor. A way to moniter the parents. She said you can say so-so's parents didnt feed her this morning, or make her do homework all week and it doesn't matter unless she has bruises????

DansMom replied: Well, just to give a balanced view of the "drugs" aspect of things: my mom had her stint as a pot smoker---yes, in front of us too---and sometimes did acid/mushrooms with friends. However, I'm grateful for everything she gave to us. We had an unusually healthy diet (no white flour or processed grains, no sugar, everything organic), and I went to excellent alternative private schools. My mom got me up every morning and fed me and drove me to school. She made great dinners every night, tended a garden, canned for the winter, washed our clothes, paid the bills. She sent us to ballet, tap, and gymnastics. She bought a piano for us. She received her college degree while raising us, and taught us empathy for those less fortunate, concern for the planet, recycling/reusing, reverence for spiritual truths, simple gifts, the list goes on. She taught me how to read when I was three years old. She made me fill out college applications.

Dad never smoked a joint, but he would have raised me on junk food, constant television, nicotene and martinis, profanity and racism. But he was the model of a middle class navy man---and, as a remarried man, superficially more fit in the eyes of many a court, I imagine, if he'd wanted to fight for custody (thankfully he didn't). And his wasteful lifestyle, his willful ignorance about the world beyond his own back yard, his lack of interest in his kids, etc., I don't know where to begin. Let's just say that my half sisters from his second marriage ended up one as a stripper and one with two kids out of wedlock before she was 19. There's no question in my mind about who was the better parent in my situation. I'm not condoning drug use at all, just making the point that there are many more substance-dependent parents than people might realize (especially if you include antidepressants and other "approved of" mood enhancers), and a lot of these people have good values. And there are lots of worse ways to let kids down---just emotionally not being there and not caring about their inner life, their hearts and minds---that a court would not recognize when considering only lifestyle.

My2Beauties replied:
ITA agree with you that is why I used the term to an extent, my dad was a heavy pot smoker as well and while he may not have lit up in front of me, as if I couldnt' smell it through the house and he was the best darn daddy there is! I am not condining it neither, but I say when it gets out of hand and the parent is extremely strung out then that's a problem for the children (I think your heavier drugs are worse than things just like pot or anti-depressants) I'm talking cocaine, crack, heroine, etc...things of that nature!

kimberley replied:
can i be defensive for a minute?

i was called into the principal's office shortly after Jacob started at his current school (half way thru gr 1). in the office i was drilled about what i feed my kids and told that the church would help us out if we are broke and i should get help instead of letting the kids suffer. WTF?!?!?!?!?

apparently, Jacob didn't like his sandwiches and told the teacher he didn't have lunch. then she said, well he didn't have a drink either. i was freaking out! he told her it was because we didn't have money . i asked the teacher if she looked in his lunch bag.. she, of course, said NO! well in there she would find 2 sandwiches, fruit, yogurt, a treat and a juice box! gee, sounds real unhealthy to me . then i got drilled about my living arrangements because my ex lives in the basement. they just made me feel like some pot smoking, commune living, welfare space cadet who had no clue how to take care of kids. why?! because i am young and they judge people on the surface before getting to know the real deal. as for Jacob saying we had no money, okay, maybe this is my fault because everytime he asks for McDonalds (which is everyday btw) or ice cream or some new toy, i tell him we don't have enough money BUT i have ALWAYS had the basic necessities for him and more!! so you can't always take the kid's word for things. kids are kids. they exaggerate and sometimes misunderstand.

i think the school should be questioned for neglect! they don't ensure my child ever eats lunch because they are supervised by the gr 8's, not a teacher. Jacob has visual/perception and attention problems, but none of them go out of their way to make sure he has all his warm stuff on at recess or the right books to take home. they were asked not to inundate him with work, but they still do. and if i didn't take Jacob to every type of doctor in kingdom come and DEMAND they help him, he would probably be failing school thru til grade 8 when he would probably give up and be a high school drop out

ok i am off my now

Maddie&EthansMom replied: WOW Kimberley! That is one bad school if you ask me!!!

TANNER'S MOM replied:
Well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. And I understand that you felt attacked by the school. And thank GOD they were wrong about your child.... But I think about the times they are right. I am sorry that you and your child have gone thru this. And please understand that I am not tryign to hurt your feelings.

I do not think they are always right! BUT if one time they are and it helps a child????

Is it worth it??

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Tracy I agree to an extent. I know my brother and his wife have some horrible drug addictions and they are often both too strung out to care for their child. So, they pawn him off on others. He is an infant. So, I can see that there are times when a drug addiction doesn't get in the way, but the majority of the time if effects attitude and performance. I'm speaking of legal drugs as well. Just b/c they are legal, doesn't mean they aren't abused. I think you truly had a unique experience there. You were fortunate that your mother cared more for you than she did her drug habit. Therefore she was able to take better care of you and your siblings. I certainly wish that were the case everywhere.

kimberley replied:
aww you didn't hurt my feelings at all. you just brought up a subject i am passionate about lol. i am glad you did because it feels good to vent sometimes. my problems are with the school, not you i agree that showing concern is important when a child seems abused or neglected but Jacob is far from either and eats more than most men i know. so maybe he thinks he didn't get enough dinner when i won't let him eat an entire pizza to himself but am i supposed to let him become obese so he won't say the wrong thing at school? i guess my irritation with it all is how i was approached by the school. it was like they already had their minds made up that i must spend all my money on partying and clothes instead of my kids and i resent that because i am quite the opposite. ah well. thanks for listening

DansMom replied: Ha, now I'm feeling remorse for saying bad things about my dad! Because he's not the same person now---after two heart attacks and two more marriages after the first two, he's gotten a pretty tolerant world view and a much healthier mindset, eats better, doesn't drink or smoke, and he's attempted to make up for the lack of parenting in recent years. My errant half-sister (the "dancer") quit that trade some time ago and is studying to be an acupuncturist. I didn't mean to be so melodramatic about my family. Feeling confessional today, and most likely PMS-ing.

mammag replied:

I'm a perfect example. My dad was an alcoholic. The schools didn't see it. No one saw it but it screwed me up in a lot of ways. I never knew whether I was coming home to the happy drunk daddy that made jokes and was just embarassing or the mean drunk daddy that hit my mom, or the paranoid drunk daddy that thought the world was after him. On the surface we were a happy family but even today his alcoholism affects my life.

My parents delivered those bags you get with the advertisments each week. I shouldn't say my parents did because they made us do most of the work. On Sundays we had to go to bed at 2:00pm and get up at midnight to deliver in some very unsafe neighborhoods then come home and deliver the newspapers and then get ready and go to school. When I started dating dh I had to pay them from my fast food job money so that I wouldn't have to help and would be able to go on dates with Chris. My point with this whole paragraph is that there are forms of abuse that even schools couldn't pick up on. It's so sad. Why do people have kids if they can't provide a stable loving envirnoment?

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Well, we have certainly ALL been there, I'm sure. I'm glad your family is doing better. I see that as HOPE that my family will get there some day. Not my parents, but my brothers.

loveydad replied: I don't know. it pisses me off when the state just up and decides someone is a bad parent and starts taking thei rkids away, yet kids can live for years in a horrible environment.

Defiantly physical violence, name calling, ect. Kids should feel safe at home, not feel like they're being played nasty games with and have to struggle to survive.

Makes me feel sad.

A&A'smommy replied:
I was going to say exactly what you said! I know a girl that if she has a baby I will report her to DHR and at the least they will have to keep an on her because number she is mentally unstable and they do NOT keep their house clean there is roaches climbing on their food, cats pooping on everything and dust so thick you can't tell what color anything is and I could keep going AND his parents buys ciggerettes for his 15 year old sister and they have been buying them for her for quite a while that too me is not how to be a parent!