Teen daughter and dating - I need advice

Bee_Kay wrote: My daughter will be 15 in a couple months.

There is a boy that has taken an interest in her (and she is all giddy about him). He will turn 16 right before she turns 15 so they are a year apart.

He calls her every day and they talk and talk and talk.

He is in football, hockey and golf. He doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs. He seems like an all-around good kid.

My SD who is now 18 (you all know about that).... never gave us a chance to go through the "dating" thing as she chose to sneak out, go behind our backs (even though she didnt have to), so this is all new to my DH and I.

Can you ladies give me some advice on teen dating???


Ashley is a very good girl. Doesn't drink or smoke. She is interested in him, but she is also aprehensive (which is good!!). She did have a BF at the beginning of this schoolyear.... until he tried to be possessive and tell her that she couldnt talk to any other boy (even as friends), so it didnt take her long to kick him to the curb.

She is very strong willed, and she has a good head on her shoulders. We are not afraid of her "giving herself away" (like so many girls are doing at such young ages now.... we are terrified that someone will take something from her that she isn't ready to give.

Maybe that is every parents worst fear?

Anyways, have any tips or advice??

redchief replied: We're in the same boat. I'd say the best advice I can give you is to go with your gut feelings on anything she asks. I wish I could be more specific, but that's how we've been handling Erin's dating requests.

C&K*s Mommie replied: No advice really. It is something that I am dreading (even moreso than Chris) and I want to put it on the backburner of my mind as much as possible.

Even though I am only a mere 28years of age, things seemingly have changed with teens from when I was there exploring the world of dating many moons ago. Dating boys 10-15 years ago, was far different from when my parents dated, and the same is true now. Dating now seems to be not 'dating' it is much more than that.

She has a great support with you two at home, and you must have raised her well enough in your eyes that you trust her not to freely give herself away. All that is to say , is I have no advice-- but I look forward to seeing the responses you do recieve. It may help now for when we are facing this in the future with the girls.

luvmykids replied: Well I don't have teens yet, but from what I remember at that age, I didn't have hard and fast rules, it was a case by case thing. One thing though was they had to come to the door, no honking or calling and saying "I'm here, come out" ... I think it seems like I could only see a boy one night a week for a "date", if it was a school event or sports event and he was there that didn't count ...and I'm pretty sure my curfew was 10. She's a sophomore? When I was a junior my curfew went up to 11 and the once a week restriction lifted.

And before any "first" date my dad sat the guy down and said "This is my daughter, I expect you to treat her like a lady and respect her at all times ... I expect that you won't put her in any danger or situations she does not want to be in ... and any problem she has with you would also be a problem you have with me...." I was famous at school for that, and used to be embarrassed but looking back I really appreciate my dad for it!

MamaJAM replied: We're getting close to this too - and it's definately something we've been thinking about...

Set a curfew and stick to it...if she's late coming home, there should be set punishments (make sure everyone knows what all the rules/punishments are and are clear on them).

ALWAYS know where she is and what they'll be doing. Make sure she has some of her own money - and a way to contact you if she should need you for ANY reason.

Make sure she knows that if there has been drinking (or drugs) done by the driver - she should call YOU for a ride (no punishments) - you just want to have her safely home.

Also - a good policy is to try and meet any boy before they go out for the first time....at least to meet him when he comes to pick her up. But this one is hard to enforce (my parents tried it...though they only ever met a quater of the guys I went out with).

HTH -- good luck!

redchief replied:
ITA with that! We want to personally meet any boy who would be dating our daughter.

Bee_Kay replied: It's kind of funny. He told her "I'm not really ready to have a girlfriend, but I do really like you". LOL!

We do have the "if you're somewhere and there is drinking... CALL HOME, no questions asked" rule here also.

I, in no way, compare her to my SD.... they are like black and white.... but with my SD being a pregnant teen... I am terrified for my daughter. What if she does have sex too young? What if she does get pregnant? What if some boy forces her to do something she doesn't want to do?

OMG! I about drive myself batty with worry.

We do trust Ashley though. She has made some mistakes (and luckily learned from them) so far.... but nothing terribly serious.... and she has been honest with us, even when she knew punishment was to follow.

For now, they are content chatting on the phone. Ashley told me that they plan on meeting this Friday at a school dance
They go to different schools, so they don't see each other throughout the school days.

But, he does only live about 2 - 3 blocks away from us.
Thank goodness Tyler (who is 13) has no interest in girls yet LOL!!

TY for the replies. I guess it is mostly a "playing it by ear" type thing!

Bee_Kay replied:

Oh boy!! We haven't even really given thought to "car dating". He isn't 16 yet, so he doesn't have a license yet.

I guess we'll take that one as it comes!

luvmykids replied:
When I didn't have a license yet and a boy didn't either, a few times my parents took us to the movies, they saw a different movie than us so we got to be on a "date" and still had "supervision".

Glad they're content to chat for now!

Bee_Kay replied: I am glad they are mature enough to take time to get to know each other. It's so cute, her cell phone rings and she runs in her room and shuts the door. They talk and talk and then when it's time to get off the phone, she comes down to my bedroom and tells me all about it. She is all giggly and giddy about it.

I wish I had that growing up, yet I am glad that my daughter and I have the kid of relationship that she feels comfortable doing that kind of stuff.

Brias3 replied: No real advice really as I have yet to experience the joys of the teen dating scene but a few tips that came to mind might be allowing her to "go out" with him to partially supervised/public events....for example, offer to drive them to the movie theater and then pick them up, or to a restaurant for dinner or something like that. After all, I suppose not much trouble/harm can be gotten into in a public setting like those, specifically when they really only have a few hours at a particular location. Letting her see him "alone" but not really alone might work for the age she is at. You mention they both seem pretty responsible and fairly mature for their age too so its a consideration.

I remember dating at that age and scenarios my parents allowed were similar. Have a talk with her about what you're both thinking and see if you can common to some common ground on the issue.

Good luck! Sorry that's all I could think of for right now, probably not much help.

Bee_Kay replied: Yeah, we are VERY hesitant about the "alone" scenerio.

It would be fine if they were to go to a movie... or out to eat, or a school event.

It's not that we worry that things may "get out of hand", but nowadays, it sure is different. A girl can "get a rep" for that sort of thing.

Which is WAY different then when I was a teen. I spent a TON of time alone with my best friend, Jamie, (a boy) and nobody... friends, parent, ect didn't think a thing of it. We never did anything sexual.... no kissing or anything...

Just goes to show how things are very different now

Maddie&EthansMom replied: It's really great that she considers you her friend. My mother and I were much the same way. I still am very comfortable talking to my mom. As a matter of fact your daughter sounds a lot like myself at that age. I didn't date much, but I talked to a lot of boys. I was pretty good about weeding out the bad ones. It didn't take long, either and I was very strong willed. However, I can see your concern b/c things do happen and hormones are surging.

Just keep talking to her...let her know she can tell you anything and talk to her about sex and boys. If this boy is young and a good kid, more than likely he isn't real experienced, either. That is what we are afraid of right? Older, more experienced boys....

I do think that girls need the dating experience and I am looking forward to Maddie dating. It was a lot of fun for me and I hope it can be a great experience for her, too.

Bee_Kay replied: Aimee-
Thank you so much for everything you said

Besides being my daughter, Ashley really is my friend. I enjoy our talks we have about boys, school, friends, ect.... but it still scares the bejeepers out of me.

I know Ashley is fairly mature.... she is in no hurry to experience sex (which is more than I can say for ALOT of girls her age), but what concerns me, is that a boy that she is all "ga-ga" over will pressure her. OMG! That terrifies me!

I look forward to her dating and having the dating experience, she is at a really fun age.

It's cute to see her flip-flop between my DH and I. One day I am the meanest mother and my DH just walks on water in her eyes...... and the next, her dad just "doesn't understand" and I am a wonderful parent!! LOL! Kids are so fickle!!

So, as far as this boy goes.... we'll take it a day at a time. Who knows, it could fizzle out before we know it!!

redchief replied: I think you've got a good plan for dealing with this. It doesn't hurt that you and your daughter communicate so well. Good luck!