Tamara's mom...

mummy2girls wrote: sent me a message.... She also wanted me to ask if she had posted anything out of the norm shortly before she took her own life? I don't recall but i told her I would ask her...It makes me so sad to know she was struggling this much and we had no idea:( I also googled lorazepan and read that some poeple have serious side effects such as suicidal thoughts:( This breaks my heart to know maby that this drug probably took over her mental thoughts and that combined with her anxiety that she took her own life:(

this is the message

Tamara began experiencing what she described as mild "panic attacks" after the birth of Emma Kate. A doctor prescribed a powerful drug - Lorazepam - for her to take. This drug greatly affected Tamara's state of mind. She & 3 of the kids stayed with me a couple of nights prior to her death, where I witnessed the dramatic change. I took pictures of her prescription bottle Friday morning to research it for myself & to contact her dr about the affects it was having on her. She took her own life Saturday.

PrairieMom replied: I don't think she had posted here for a while before the end. The last post I remember her making was when she announced that she was PG, and mentioned that if we didn't have anything good to say about it, keep it to ourselves. I guess she was getting a lot of crap from people about her having so many kids?

moped replied: Oh gosh, this is sooooo sad. I don't know anything about that drug. I also don't remember her posting anything out of the ordinary. How awful

I had "mild" panic attacks after Laila was born, it was a strange feeling. Obviously not as strong as Tam did

lovemy2 replied: I know I never post on here anymore but have to respond to this because it makes me horribly sad and very very angry to think that a MD could be responsible for this.......that a DOCTOR may not have taken the time to make sure she had what she needed and just prescribed some crazy medication so he could move on to the next patient. I knew there had to be SOMETHING that could have triggered this something that was way way out of character for Tamara....I saw nothing on FB to indicate she was anything but happy -

coasterqueen replied: Maybe someone who was close and talked to her like Mel or Abbie might know, not sure.

I had panic attacks after Megan was born too, she was a little bit older, not right after birth and I can't even remember what my doc prescribed me for them.

luvbug00 replied: that is some serious medication. Im surprised they prescribed that to her. Myas nana and aunt have panic attacks and their dr will only prescribe xanex.

uhh every new development of this story makes me even more heartsick then i was before.

Danalana replied: My father takes Lorazepam and I was told that it is pretty much the same thing as valium.
I never saw anything here, but one of her Facebook updates (a couple of days before her death) said, "You can stick a fork in me, cause I'm (you can guess the rest)". Or something like that. I saw that after the fact, when I was going through, trying to find any indication that something was going on.

A&A'smommy replied:
When I heard about her death that status came to mind... I found it odd.

OhTamara!! I have had ONE panic attack from something prescribed to me from a doctor. It was a HORRIBLE feeling and if she was having that going maybe with the medication making it worse... bless her!!!

boyohboyohboy replied: ativan isnt really that different then a lot of the other drugs mentioned here and depending on the dose she took, it can really have no effect at all.
I have taken ativan both in the 0.25 and 0.50 doses and it only made me numb...and given many many times over the years to patients.

I realize meds can affect people in different ways, but most all the drugs have the same effects and anti depressants and anti psychotics always have the risk of causing increased suicidal feelings..

I am sorry to hear that Tamara was feeling symptoms of PPD..
along with the issues that haunted her.

I think there isnt going to be anyone to blame as much we want there to be.
I also think that many of us have spoken to Tamara's mom and it might not be long before she comes here, if she hasnt already to see the community where tamara came...and the friends she made here...so we really need to be careful what is said here..out of repect for the family.

msoulz replied:
ITA completely with both statements.

A&A'smommy replied:
I don't think there was anything "offensive" said??

boyohboyohboy replied:
no not offensive.
I am just saying we should put ourselves in her mothers shoes, as someone who might want to come here to cont. friendships her dgt started, or read what was on her dgts mind when she was here, and use this as a comforting place, we should all just be careful what we write...

A&A'smommy replied:
just checking to see if I missed something!

mummy2girls replied: Also. I just got another message from her and i guess on top of this larry had told her that he wasnt happy anymore and that coupled with her anxiety and meds she was her mom believes was so out of character for her and overtook her because no matter how unhappy larry was she belives that tamara would not of done that because her kids means too much to her and she would of done anything to make them happy...

~Roo'sMama~ replied: This explains so much. I have been struggling with how this could have happened because it seemed so unlike her. But if the medication was messing with her mind that explains it to me. It is so very very sad to think it may have been prevented by a change in meds if she had just held on a little longer. Poor Tam... I don't think I'll ever stop feeling sick about this!

moped replied:
Ok, I guess all this combined was just too much - Oh I miss you Tamara!!!!!

lovemy2 replied: Oh MY that poor sweet girl - I so hope she has found peace even with the sadness she must still feel even in heaven without her children - I pray she is where she doesn't hurt anymore

mckayleesmom replied: I never saw her say anything that would make me suspect she would take her life HOWEVER there was a post on her myspace from a while back where she mentioned something about suicide and not understanding how someone could do that. It was after the loss of her brother. I guess that could mean maybe the drugs affected her negatively. Either way the Tamara that took her life was not the Tamara we knew and loved.

Nina J replied: I don't recall anything out of the ordinary. I wish she had've maybe came here though and talked to us about her troubles. Poor Tam, it breaks my heart.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: I still think about that beautiful Mama all of the time.