THE BIG "M" - Marriage

wcs40110 wrote: I know this is kind is a testy subject but I'm the mother of a 1 year old who is still with her dad (3.5 years) that has never married. We have a house together, bought our cars together, and all our money is together. We might as well be married. But I dont want to. Can't put my finger on why but I don't. My idea: Just take on his last name. I would like to have the same last name as my daughter. I hate my last name. It will APPEAR to be a little more "respectable" but I kind of wonder what others would think. My mom told me to tell people we're married but what if we do decide to 'tie the knot' later? When I see people from school (I still live in my home town.) and they ask about it what would I say? Just wanted to poll all you lovlies and see what you think about the idea.

gr33n3y3z replied: its should be what you and your SO wants
If your not ready then your not ready soon enough you will hit common law and its 50/50 at that point any way lol

amymom replied: hmmm not sure I am thinking about it.

grapfruit replied: My thought? Who cares what other people think. Do what is right for your family. Forget about everyone else, they don't matter.

grapfruit replied:
No common law here or me and my bf would be close to it...

gr33n3y3z replied:
sucks for you then if something goes south

grapfruit replied: What actually sucks right now is when I need to do something for him and can't b/c we're not married (like pick up papers from work). I need to have him give me power of attorney. *sigh* or a ring.

Calimama replied:
Exactly, why lie and say you're married to people? It doesn't matter what people think.If it works for your family then go with it.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Personally I think marriage is way more than a piece of paper or taking on a new lastname. It kinda offends me when marriage is belittled into that. The fact of the matter is that it not only means something to the vast majority of the public BUT it is also a legally recognized contract. If something were to happen to your boyfriend you can be left high and dry. Not to mention the fact that you can't make any decisions or alot of the time even be involved in medical care. My state is a common law state and it is not really as easy as it sounds to be taken as anything more than a girlfriend when it comes down to it. If you don't want to get married then that is 100% your right and your decision but in this situation 'as good as' or 'almost' just doesn't get it for me.

wcs40110 replied: His name is on everything, as well as mine. Were listed as the poeple we want to our insurance, his mom on any in case we both go down.

boyohboyohboy replied: to me marriage is much more then a piece of paper, but i think that there are a lot of people who do not take it serioiusly, other wise the divorce rate wouldnt be so high. some people get married and divorced with out even giving it a second thought...some people get married thinking at the alter if this doesnt work, we can just get divorced..
have you ever really tried to see what it is that is keeping you from getting married?

sparkys2boys replied: IMO.. if your not sure why you dont want to get married it's probally reason enough not to. I mean if your having doubts, then it says your not ready. Good luck with it though

A&A'smommy replied:
ITA, Well said Abbie

NaturalMom replied: im in ur boat. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and have 2 kids. I do not say we are married to please anyone else. I wont say im married until im married. I dont feel i should have to lie because a few think its odd. Really no one even bats an I these days. Times are different now. i actually meet people all the time that are like we are. You should do what feels right to you and not worry about what one weirdo might think. I would love to have the last name of my children but wont marry just for that. My boyfriend and I have some things to iron out before stepping into marraige. I dont really want a divorce and it happens all to often when people marry for the wrong reasons. So just do what feels right and dont worry about others. They really have nothing to do with ur famiy ;-)

mummy2girls replied: You have to do what you feel is right. JMHO but marriage is more than just taking his last name. you marry someone because you love them and you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Yes Marriage is not always a defenite and things can go wrong and lots have seperated BUT i still feel marriage is more then.. honey lets marry because i want your last name.

gr33n3y3z replied:
exactly

luvbug00 replied: I personaly understand part of your thinking here. But i agree with everyone else.

wcs40110 replied: Im not saying marry to take on his last name, more like change my last name so I can have the same as the rest of my family. If you ask me we're the "Kelly's" Not the Kelly/Jones family ya know? If I changed my last name I could put KELLY on an envelop and it'd be right..

grapfruit replied:
I understand THAT completely. For me having his name is special (isn't that corny) and is one of the reasons I want to be a Mrs. It's a dumb reason sure, but it's one of MANY. I want to be his FAMILY, and part of that is having the same name. I know in our hearts, we are family, but I would like to be able to put it on the mailbox. KWIM?

I understand what you're saying completely. But I still don't care what other people think, it's what I think that matters to me. Our families support us, and that's all that counts (although they'd like a wedding too )