Stepd's friends mom - Am I taking this too personally?

luvmykids wrote: My stepd is 11yo and has this best friend, they're always, always, always together but she has never spent the night at our house (although I have met her dad and grandparents but not her mom). She does spend the night at my stepd's moms frequently though. We invited her to spend the night tonight and her mom called and was asking all kinds of questions, wanted our address (she's not the one bringing her, stepd's mom is), work phone numbers, etc.

Also, stepd's friend was supposed to go to FIL's with her for Spring Break but at the last minute the parents said no, without any real reason.

I'm trying not to be offended, but is she over protective or are we just too laid back, that we wouldn't go that far? And if it had been the other way for Spring Break, we would have let stepd go, just from our experiences with her friend and what stepd's mom has said about their family. I feel like they don't trust us or something. I know I haven't met the mom but I feel like based on what she knows of stepd and her mom, they should know we're good people. And now I'm kinda paranoid, like I'm not sure I want the friend over here if her mom is soooo worried about us.

kimberley replied: it is a bit overprotective but you really can't be too careful these days. try not to take it personallly because i am sure it isn't meant to be. i would guess if you had a chance to meet the friend's mom, it would put any worries at ease and she would relax a bit. sorry you felt bad.

amymom replied: I am the very same way. I ask tons of questions and insist on meeting the adults that are to be in charge wherever my kids go. My son is 15 and daughter is 9 and two years ago we moved to a new town. So I have recently dealt with them both getting invites to people's homes that I do not know. My advice is to try not to be offended, not to take it personally and to be really open about with her. I know tho that it is hard, but she is just protecting her kid the best way she knows how. Believe me it is hard for me to ask all those questions but I just feel that I HAVE to, in order to protect my kids. If it would help I will tell you two stories about how I embarresed my son, by insisting on finding out info about people. But I figure that's my job..... embarras my children

luvmykids replied:


Thanks guys, I have no idea what I'll be like when the rest of the kids are at that age, and with stepd being as old as she is already I haven't gotten to figure it out for myself as we go, kwim?

You both made me feel better.

JP&KJMOM replied: Monica we took step sons friend to the lake with us last summer and I went to his house and made sure that it was ok with his mom. She did not even make an effort to get to know us before we took her son 200 miles form here for 4 days. I just wanted her to know we were not freaks or anything before we left but she was like I like your stepson, he is a good kid so I trust yall.

I think maybe work numbers might be a little excessive but I would want phone and address in case I needed to get in touch with my child. I hope the girls have a blast this weekend and it will be ok. Don't be paranoid and have lots of fun.

luvmykids replied:
OK, I am not that laid back!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

I agree. I think you should plan a playdate, where the two of you can meet, and have your children play together at McDonalds', or the park. Somewhere relaxed where you can both get to know one another. Then she'll see what type of Mom you are. It's hard doing things over the phone.

I'm sure once Cam gets to be that age, I'll be overprotective too. I'd want numbers, ect, and want to meet the family. Like someone said previously, you never know in this day & age, you can never be to safe. I don't see the need for her to have your work number, that was kinda odd. But I understand her wanting the other info.

Call her & ask to meet someone to get together. I'm sure after that, it'll be fine.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yeah, I think it is pretty normal. I'm sorry it made you feel bad, though. I bet if she had met you previously it wouldn't have been a problem.

I hope you have fun tonight with the girls.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I think meeting her is a good idea. It would probably help ease your mind a bit.

I come from a very laid back family. When I was in HS I would sleep over a friends house for entire weekends and my mom would never once question what we were doing or anything. Her only thing was that I had to follow the rules of the house I was in. Little did my mom know that the rules of the house were be home before the sun comes up. I was 16 at the time, not 11, but looking back it has certainly taught me to be careful about where I allow my children to spend their time.

MamaJAM replied: I never fault anyone for being 'over-protective'. Honestly - if any of my kids are going to spend the night at a friend's house - I know exactly where they will be at all times -- and how to reach them (home phone - cell phones if they are going to leave the house at all, etc). And if things change - my kids (and the adults they are with) know that I expect a phone call to ask permission BEFORE they do anything. Also - I don't even allow a playdate until I've personally met the parents.

It would probably help if you met the mother. It always feels more comfortable putting a face with a name.

mckayleesmom replied: In our times today there is no such thing as an over protective parent. I think she is just being super cautious....giver her time to get to know you more.

sixx788 replied:
I would agree with this. I know my husband takes kids to go play lazer tag and go have lunch with my stepson. But he won't let my stepson go in anyone else's car. It took my husband over a year to let my stepson go to the store with ME!!! I say don't take offense to it. This is a nasty world we live in these days and you can never be too careful.