Splitting expenses?

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I guess this is more or less if you have a 2 income household and keep separate finances... but I'll take any advice.

So has been "staying" with me since February, and i use "staying" only because he had his share of an apartment he had with roomates, towards which he was paying about 600$ monthly. August was his "last month" on the lease, and we'd always agreed that come September he'd just transfer his "rent" to me.

I have always paid for most of everything.. he'd help out here and there with groceries but for the most part it's always been on my dime. Which I was ok with, as my bills didn't change when he "moved in" other than an increase in groceries, but like I said he pitched in for that.

So last week he went out and bought me a new fridge and stove, with the agreement from me that he would pay those in lieu of his 600$ payment for september and october.. which I'm ok with I suppose, because from our conversations he knew that I would have used his 600$ "rent" payment to me towars purchasing those anyway.

As far as other expenses, he doesn't pay towards any of them. A calculated "share" of household expenses is approximately 600$, so the amount isn't really the issue, but we're planning on finishing the renos I've been slowly working on in order to sell my condo in the spring so we can buy a house together.

We make approximately the same salary... yet he's only paying out 600$ towards "common" expenses, where I'm dishing out just over 2000$. The arrangement of him contributing 600$ towards "us" and "the condo" is fine.. but for when the costs of renos etc run out and everything has been fully paid (estimated around February) then how would I go about splitting expenses with him?

It's understood that if we purchase a house together all expenses will be fairly equal, as he expects to have an equal stake in the assets, however to be honest the down payment is going to be nearly exclusively coming out of my pocket, and I don't feel that I am getting my fair share from the investment at the end of the day as I am paying for all the utilities etc.. but, he's paying for the renos.. which amount wise, is the fair share of the household expenses... very confusing and aggravating, considering that after his "share" of expenses he's got nearly 2000$ in his pocket since he's not paying for anything else, and that what he's paying towards aren't actually expenses, but more of a potential return on investment to pretty up the place before putting it for sale.

How would you go about splitting expenses? Exactly half and half? or proportionately to our incomes? (I make a couple hundred more a month, but I pay a heck of a lot more, too.)

luvbug00 replied: I hate money..let me start with that..

Jon moved in with us too. EVERYTHING is split in half, unless we agreed on it previously. He gives me $300 a week, pays the cable. I pay rent $800. Everything else is split exactly down the middle.
I know you have more kids and so on, But really for the house it should be half and half in my opinion plus a split in all house upkeep. (fridge, repairs etc)
The rest do as you see fit (groceries etc)

that's what we would do if we got one together.

ETA: Glad things are working out so well for you! so nice to see your

mummy2girls replied: When Marcus forst moved in we were just engaged. and I made over 1000 more than he did. I equalled the expenses according to our pay and then in teh end we have the same amount in our pockets to spend what we see fit for ourselves. When we got married we got a joint account. All our pay goes into one account and i just pay the bills at the end of each month and then give each other "allowances".... Npow that I went private i added onto our bank account a sole account that is for my business. I pay groceries through it, rent, utilities and so forth. what he makes goes into our joint accounta nd he is responsible for his student loans, etc.... But pretty much our income is combined....

grapfruit replied: Up until DH got his current job I've always made a good deal more than him. We each have our own checking acct (they're "joint" we each just use our own). I pay majority of the bills unless they're exclusively his. Whatever "spending" money I need, or if I'm short $$ I get what I need from him. There's never a set dollar figure we just think of it as "our" money. He also does a great job of socking some money away into a savings acct at another bank.


Now this prob doesn't help for situation. I like how Shelly did stuff, that's a good idea. I also think how Nadia splits everything is a good idea.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: We’ll be keeping separate accounts for the time being… and probably after we purchase the new house as well. We may have a “joint household account” but I’m not sure yet, he seems leery of the idea, and so am I, frankly.

I’ve been keeping tabs on who pays what and when… and so far since September 1st I’ve paid out approximately 2300$ (well, 1200$ really, not counting the mortgage and condo fees), and he’s paid out approximately 700$.

At the end of the month we’re supposed to put all the numbers together and see what we’ve spent on “us”, take that amount and readjust if necessary: like I`ve paid 500$ more than he has into “mutual purchases”, meaning he’d, by theory, have to pay up an additional 250$ to be fairly even in terms of spending on “us”.

Obviously this doesn’t count towards the mortgage payment.

Otherwise, he’d have to dish out an additional 800$ to keep up.

I’m worried that he knows this, and knows he’s “getting away” with minimal expenses… because he was talking about spending 1800$ on a new guitar, tonight. Must be nice to be able to blow a paycheck on a guitar because you know your girlfriend is paying for everything else.

Maybe I’m bitter about it after all!

msoulz replied: IMHO you have good reason to be bitter. We all know the two main reasons couples fight ... I know several single women who complain that the men they meet seem to want to move in and take advantage of them. I know you are not the type to be taken advantage of ... neither are the women I know but this Y chromosome behavior has caused them much heartache and grief. I hope you can work it out ASAP.

my2monkeyboys replied: Honestly, I would take all the bills for the month, put them in 2 piles that equal roughly the same amount, and you pay for one pile, he pays the other pile. Then split the mortgage equally. Then you'll each have the same $ left over at the end of the month, and you can choose to keep it, spend it on yourself, or spend on each other.... that'd be your decision to make as it arises.
What's odd to me is that you don't feel comfortable sharing a bank account, but do feel comfortable sharing the house and the bills that go with it...

gr33n3y3z replied:
This advice is good

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm not comfortable putting all my income in with his and having every transaction potentially scrutinized. Considering neither of us are in a financial situation, at the moment, where every penny counts, I really don't think there's any need to potentially be in a position to have to justify every purchase we make to each other.

I don't have an issue with a joint account if it's strictly used for household stuff. It's not that I don't want to share money, I just don't want to share ALL of it.

He says he's quite prepared to pay up his share when the time comes that the house we plan to buy is both of ours.. and I don't doubt his word, but part of me thinks it's unfair that we don't do so right now, even though it is MY house on paper, he lives there too and reaps the benefits.

I don't care how we pay things.. I guess what I want is to know that we have an equal percentage of leftover money. I don't want to feel like the higher salary that I make would be eaten up and I don't get to enjoy it...I work for it, ya know?

Then I feel bad for thinking that I'd have more leftover money than he would.. but at the same time, I get paid what I get paid and he gets paid what he gets paid, and if that means I have 500$ leftover at the end of the month and he has 300$ left at the end of the month, that's his problem and not mine.

I feel like such a turd over all of this.

my2monkeyboys replied: You shouldn't, I think we all understand you completely. I'd want things laid out and agreed upon completely before you get into a house and all, too. That way there's no confusion and no one gets angry or feels used.

msoulz replied:
Exactly - no one here thinks you are a turd!!

moped replied: I agree with you Rocky!!! JOINT ACCOUNTS SUCK! I have one and hate it....I am the bread winner in this house and it sucks. My advice is that you have a joint account for house,groceries, bills etc. Anything else is YOURS!!!!!

Mommy2Isabella replied: I don't think you are a turd!


When DH and I were dating and I moved in with him, I gave him $1000 a month towards expenses. Whatever else I made was mine, he paid all the bills.
He owned his house at the time and the mortgage was $600 month, and then of course utilities and what not, but $1000 was a fair split of the bills.

Now, well, I am unlike most here I LOVE A JOINT ACCOUNT, simply because I don't make any money anymore. LOL If it weren't for a joint account I would never have money!

stella6979 replied:
Same here!! Aside from the extra cash I make taking pics which I will gladly share with Jeff

And I absolutely agree! You are not a turd at all. Once you move in with someone I feel the expenses should be split evenly regardless of how much either person makes. That's what Jeff and I did when he moved in with me. However, once you're married, I feel that my money is your money and vice versa.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: lol, I'm glad I'm not over reacting.

We're not married, and I don't foresee it in the "near future", so it's all good.

It's funny.. there are a lot of way more personal topics than money, yet it's the most difficult to discuss.

youngmomofone replied: I agree, you aren't being a turd. I wouldn't want to share every penny I made with my bf if I were in your situation. I do think it's unfair he isn't paying his share now, but glad to see that he will once you buy a house together.

luvbug00 replied: its so great of you for thinking this threw and planning ahead of time. Gonna save you tons of headaches in the long run..not turdy at all.

mummy2girls replied:
I agree vay... I wouldnt be happy about having to pay more into a place we both live in if he had the money to put more into.
Why not have ajoint account for home expenses, bills etc. and then have your own account connected to it that you yourself can put money in and take out. and be able to transfer money as well if needed. and he can have his pwn as well...

What we do is we have a joint account that marcus' money goes into I have a sole account that i use for my buisiness. I pay what I need towards the bills, take some of his money put into mine to help pay beills and then whats left over i keep some in my account for food and my own spending and then put teh rest into teh joint for marcus. So we have set an allowance for each other of 200 each per month. if you dont want to account for everything then teh joint is the money you both put in to attribuite wgat you spend the rest you do fit.

as you can see i cant spell!

grapfruit replied: Personally I agree w everyone else, you're being smart laying it all out!! I'm a banker and I see some craziness w ppl's accts. I think joint accts are ok, you just need a lot more communication. Especially if you guys use a debit card (like DH and I do). I personally like the 3 checking acct system. One "personal" acct for each and then a household acct. Now to make it easier, we're both on all accts. So they're all technically "joint".

So have you figured anything out yet??

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks guys!

Well Casey, the best thing I can say is that he's stepped it up a little bit in the spending department.. he ran out and got milk and lightbulbs!

The thing about having accounts...

I have a personal chequing account, a personal savings account, and a joint account with my ex. The joint account with my ex is strictly for our kid related expenses. We have a pre-determined budget going out of that account on a weekly basis, and we both put in an equal amount of money. Everything that comes out of that account is paid by cheques, which have both our names on them.

I think what we will do when the time comes is have a joint account for "our expenses", and have a pre-determined amount set aside for bills in that account. He's been very open to tracking his spending this past month, and has come to the realization that he spends a LOT on lunches at work and golf.. lol

So he's also been mentioning wanting to cook more at home and start making his lunches at home.. I mentioned a while back that i was a little bored at home all the time, and was thinking of taking a class of something to keep myself busy.. and forgot about it.. he mentioned taking a cooking class with me. So we're going to take the money he spends on lunches and dump it into good food to bring to work and cooking classes. I'm not complaining.



He's taken a more serious notice to what I pay, too.. going out to eat, he's more likely to say something like "you picked it up last night, let me get this tonight". It seems that he's been keeping an eye on my spending as well as his.

It looks like we've been communication really well on this, and he's picked up what I had not said.