Speaking of lunacy...

Danalana wrote: I know there are some who spank their kids as a form of punishment, and there are those who do not. I don't want to debate that because I believe it's the choice of the parents. I just wish people would stay out of other's peoples' business.
A story...
A friend who I go to church with was in a local Wal-Mart with her baby and her older daughter (5 years old). The 5 year old sometimes acts up and she spanks her. It's always after she exhausts other methods, though. Plus, she doesn't spank in anger or anything (I have seen this at church, when she had to carry her outside). Anyway, her daughter got in major trouble at Wal-Mart, and she spanked her when they got out to their vehicle. Honestly, just a regular spanking...nothing anywhere NEAR what would be considered harsh or out of the ordinary. She is a very loving mother and takes excellent care of her kids. SO...this woman comes over and says, "You know, that COULD be considered abuse". I don't know what my friend said, if anything. All I know is that she somehow managed to get the police to come to her house and do a welfare check on the girl. Well, the police are people who are good friends with her and know better (her sister was a police officer for a few years), but they had to go anyway. Of course Jaycee (the girl) was absolutely fine and happy. What makes me crazy is that people don't mind their own business. Now, if it really were harsh and could be considered abuse, that's a different story. If someone opts not to use spanking as a form of punishment, that's their business, but what gives them the right to judge someone who is doing something that is perfectly legal? What would have happened if Jaycee had fallen and busted her lip or gotten a mark on her eye right before the police showed up?
I called social services on a family one time...the children really were abused and neglected, and several people knew it. They were never checked out! And here you have a very stable, happy family that chooses to discipline with spanking and the police are called? Now, I do understand that the line can be crossed...again, that's a different story.
Have any of you had anything like this happen? Someone just poke their nose in and voice their opinion when there is clearly no cause for concern? I wonder what I would say if that happened to me.

stella6979 replied: I don't know, I think if more people butted in, there would be a lot more kids alive today. Now, I'm not saying to call the police every time you see a child getting spanked, obviously you need to use good judgement, but when people do choose to mind their own business, horrible things can happen. I guess it just depends on the situation and what my gut is telling me at the time. But I also don't think you should spank your kids in public. JMO.

Danalana replied: I absolutely think people should butt in when there is something questionable going on. I agree that more kids would be alive if that happened. I also think there is a noticeable difference between a regular spanking and one that crosses the line. Now that we have the "time-out" generation going, people think that any spanking is wrong, and I don't understand that. Trust me, the woman I am talking about doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She is just raising her kids the way she (and her husband) believe is the right way. Not spanking for every little thing, no. It's kinda like TRAINING, CORRECTION, DISCIPLINE. I'm not debating spanking versus time out, or whatever...I just can't imagine that you can't discipline your kids in a clearly non-abusive manner without somebody sayingsomething. I've seen parents drink alcohol at a restaurant with their kids present and then drive home. Where are the butt-iners in those cases? Not trying to offend anybody, but how are some things our business and other things aren't?

TheOaf66 replied: yeah some Nosie Nellie tried to give me that speech once so I took her over my knee and taught her not to stick her nose into other peoples business

stella6979 replied:
I don't get it either. I just know that for me personally, I would have no problems calling someone if I felt it was needed and that does include people drinking and then driving with their kids. Like I said, just depends on the situation for me.

Kentuckychick replied: I agree there's a HUGE difference between a "spanking" and say, beating your child. Take for instance the photos of Kate spanking Leah, I'm sure the look worse than they were because the little girl clearly doesn't want to be spanked. But she spanked her on the rear with an open hand.

If I saw that in public I would think that the child had been disobedient and probably needed a good swat.

I do agree that if more people stepped in there would probably be less abuse in the world, but the sad thing is, most of the real abusers aren't individuals who are going to spank their children in public. They're the kind who will wait until they get home and then beat the kid with a belt or with their fists or something horrible like that. A lot of the times you'll hear that about abusers... that neighbors and friends had suspicions (the child's behavior, marks, etc...) but that they never actually witnessed any sort of abuse occuring.

Some people genuinely think that spanking in any form is abuse. I think the woman who walked up to your friend most likely had good intentions and thought she was doing the right thing, but she should have kept her nose out of it.

I've seen real abuse (just within the last few weeks we had a child come to school - this is a one year old - with huge bruises on his inner thighs... and the parents were "baffled" as to how they got there). I've seen a child with a handprint on her side that stayed for days. I've seen other things that would make you sick...

Spanking when done properly really isn't the evil thing people make it out to be.

Danalana replied: I got spankings sometimes when I was a kid, and I actually preferred it to what the alternative was. I would be sent to bed while it was still daylight...no supper, nothing. It was lonely, and I get that it's supposed to be. But I felt like mama just didn't want me around when she did that. With a spanking, I knew I had done something wrong, and then I cried and got over it. I also wasn't likely to repeat the activity that got me the spanking to begin with.
LOL, at my church, we are nominating couples for Mother and Father of the Year. My friend said, "We're probably gonna win!"

Boo&BugsMom replied: IMO there is a very thick line between spanking and abuse. Some people don't agree with spanking, and I respect that. However, I think it's important to give the other side the same respect and let people discpline their kids the way they see fit.

luvmykids replied: I agree that it depends on the situation, and I very strongly agree that someone who chooses not to spank should try to see the situation without their personal filter on it. I think it's a shame in this case that a "normal" disciplinary situation was construed to be something much worse, and that other much more severe cases go unnoticed But like Rachel said, most parents who are truly abusive do it behind closed doors the majority of the time. Which leads me to believe they, on some level, are aware they are crossing a line which is why they do not do it in public.

I don't think any of my kids ever got a full blown spanking in public but they have gotten a little smack on the rear in public. If someone commented I think I'd probably tell them they're absolutely entitled to their opinion and have a nice day...I'm not going to bother explaining myself to a stranger when really, no explanation is needed.

DVFlyer replied: I've spanked my kids... If someone came up to me in a parking lot and told me that what I was doing could be considered child abuse, I'd say,

"If you feel so strongly about it, instead of telling me about it, call the police... by the time you witnessed what you thought was so bad and took the time to walk over to tell me what you thought of my actions, my child could have been severely injured. Better yet, you should have pulled me away so she wouldn't be injured any further. You should feel ashamed of yourself for letting this poor child suffer this long."

Or I'd hand them my screeching/ screaming/ tantrum throwing child and tell them "here.. you try your way, I'll be back when she's 18".

A&A'smommy replied:



I agree some people should mind their own business there is definitel a VERY clear line between abuse and just a spanking

Insanemomof3 replied: When I was growing up, i WAS abused (2x4's and things used in my "spankings"). I went to teachers, counselors and CPS...no one ever did anything to help me. But I have seen people lose their kids for simply smacking their kids hands. So I totally am frustrated with the system. It really angers me.

luvbug00 replied:
ITA
well put..BIG diferance between spanking and abuse..

Nina J replied: I think, considering your friend wasn't abusing her child, there is nothing to worry about. So it was an inconvienience, and a bit rude.But honestly, how many parents who abuse there children brutally beat them in a supermarket? I've never seen a kid be beaten up by their parents at my local supermarket. In most cases, these things happen behind closed doors. And for all we know, an abusive parent may spank their child in the supermarket and then take them home to beat the hell out of them. And all it could take is one nosy/concerned bystander to take that spanking the wrong way and call the police. The majority of the time, they're going to find a happy child in a loving home. But I wouldn't mind being disturbed by the police, sure it's an inconvienience, but think of the children who do get beaten black and blue behind closed doors. It could only be one concerned stranger who helps them towards a better life, and if I or some other loving parent has to be slightly inconvienienced in the process, I'm all for it.

Danalana replied: I wonder though....wouldn't a visit from the police make that parent even more angry? And if there were no obvious signs of abuse, that child would be left there, waiting for whatever reaction the parent has. I don't know. I just think it's interesting that we will stick our noses in some places but not in others. And some of those others are way more harmful than a normal spanking.
I would definitely react if I saw a kid being seriously mistreated. I'm not sure HOW I would react, but I would do something. Then again, I think I can distinguish between a normal spanking for a kid who is throwing a tantrum and a beating. I wonder why everybody can't do that.