Spanking?

kelsmom wrote: How many parents have spanked their children?
If so what ages and why?

I am confused as the topic, around where I live it is very uncommon, but i heard a few parents talking about it.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I have not as of yet. (My children are 2.5 and 1, BTW). However, I can't say whether I will or not in the future since I'm not there yet.

gr33n3y3z replied: hmm I never so to speak spanked my kids
I called it a love tap bc it was so light I couldnt have killed a bug with it lol

luvbug00 replied: I probaly would if I thought it nessisary but so far my 5.5 year old hasn't needed more then a "love tap".

MyLuvBugs replied: Yep! She's been spanked several times, and given time out, and had toys taken away, etc. And she's a little over 18 months. We started around the time she could walk and get in trouble (8 1/2 months).

MommyToAshley replied: We use time out... either for Ashley or the toys. And, lately we have been using "grounding" from going outside or playing with her friends. Grounding seems to have more of an affect.

kit_kats_mom replied: I am not a "spanker" but K's heard of it and knows that it's not good. Welp, she's been wanting people to go to the restroom with her (even at home) which is ridiculous and if you don't go with her, she spends so much time dancing around begging you to go with her, that she pees on the floor. She did that twice in one day last week and I'd had it. I told her that if she did that again, she'd get a spanking. I'd not spank her for a true accident but this is just trying to get her way and pushing it too far. The threat of a spanking worked for an entire week but yesterday she blew it. I didn't want to spank her but I knew that I had to follow through with my threat. I felt terrible but I explained to her what was going to happen and then we hugged afterwards. I really barely swatted her either...just couldn't bring myself to really sting her. KWIM?

Anyway, I don't think it worked, she did it again today (in a pull up) so nothing was accomplished except that I saw my childs eyes looking at me in shock after I'd hit her on purpose. I still feel bad

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Jade has been spanked, but only for extreme stuff and usually just the threat of one will stop her from doing what she's doing. I woldn't really call it a spank either, more like a love tap and I usually try to redirect, distract, or take something away before I have to resort to a spanking. I don't like doing it because I feel so bad afterwards. It really hurts her feelings and the look in her eyes just kills me. Lately I have just tried getting down to her level and talking to her. This seems to work too.

OMG Cary, Jade does the same thing. She wants me to go in there with her and she does what I like to call the pee pee panic dance. We have had accidents as well.

luvmykids replied: I do spank my kids but it is saved for severe stuff where time out or taking something away just doesn't cut it, sometimes in time out they just daydream and it has no real effect.

I do not, however, spank in the heat of the moment, they know it is coming and what for. And there is a lot of love after.

btw-the kids are 4 and 2 and the 2 yo definitely does not get the same spank, it's through a pull up, and even the 4yo's spankings are probably more than a "love tap" but far from a real hit.

PrairieMom replied: Benjamin usually gets a slap on the hand, but he can also earn a swat on the butt, and time outs.
Lately I have started consequences. If he misbehaves in the store, he can't have a gumball when we leave. I haven't noticed that it alters his behavior yet, but is sure makes him angry!

AlexsPajamaMama replied: We do a little swat on the butt, or the hand depending on what the crime was.

JP&KJMOM replied: Mine usually don't get one unless nothing else has worked and they have had numerous warnings. They don't like them so they usually straighten up as soon as I say do you want a spanking? Of course they are mostly a love tap at our house to but they still don't like them.

boyohboyohboy replied: we "spank" only for really bad stuff, that could hurt him, or else direct defiance. My husband makes a really big deal out of it, he takes him to his room, sits him down and talks to him, and then tells him why he has to be spanked, and then makes him sit himself across dads lap, and by this time he is already crying, so he is just scared to death, and then dad swats him one time on his butt and on top of his clothes,
he is more upset when he does something that upsets his dad.... for some reason.
I think this has happened twice in 4 yrs,
and then dad goes in the bathroom and cries, he hates it!

moped replied: Not a spanker, but that is not to say it wouldn't ever happen.

3_call_me_mama replied: Nope. My kids dont' know what spankings are . Some lady at a store once said to Cameron as he was acting out "you want a spanking young man.. cause if you dont' you better stop that" and he looked a ther and said "what' s a spanking"
I did swat his but once and didn't even barely skim his short adn he turned to me and said "there's no hitting in this house!" At least he listens sometimes right ?!
I really dont' believe in hitting them regardless of the action since I have seen the fear in eyes of small childrne that have been hit and the trust that gets displaced form it. Plus i think it sends a conflicting message to them that big people cna hit littel people if they are upset or angry and it's ok. To each their own in their parenting styles, but that's not a route I take.
Oh i do have a question though for those that do hit, or love tap or spank or whatever you call it. What do you do when your child does it to you or someone else? Liek they are upset with a sibling who has taken their most favorite thing and to them that is somethign awful and worthy of a spankign for that child. Or they are really really mad that you said it is bedtime and to them that's the equivalent of not listening for the third, fourth, fifth time and they smack you, even if it's lightly on teh behind. How do you correct the behavior, or are they allowed to act out in their anger/upset feeling? Not tryign to stir trouble I am honestly curious as no one has ever been able to answer this for me other than saying . I tell them not to hit.

kit_kats_mom replied:
I'm from your line of thought. The only reason I did swat her was because I had to follow through on what I said I'd do. That'll teach me about empty threats. I talked to her afterwards and told her why I did it and then I explained to her that it won't ever happen again because it made mommy feel bad to hit. So now it's back to loss of privliges if she pees on the floor again.

3_call_me_mama replied:
That make sense. Glad you got to talk to her about it.. and boy don't I know about empty threats... they always coem back to haunt you! Why aren't kids ever easy ?!

Jamison'smama replied: Not a spanker.

Edited to delete my thoughts ---This is a person's first post and 'might' have been posted to stir the pot.

Amanda replied: We don't spank or threaten to spank.

jcc64 replied: Not a spanker here. Don't believe in it. I think it sends mixed messages about impulse control and bullying. From a developmental perspective, I think small kids see things in black and white- hitting is either right or wrong, across the board. I don't think they can differentiate between certain situations where it is "appropriate" and others where it isn't. I am an adult, I have the ability to convey my feelings and expectations with words alone, and if I expect the same behaviour from my children, I better model it myself. And finally, it just goes against my instincts to strike my child, however gently. That's not to say that they don't infuriate me on a regular basis- but it never enters my realm of consciousness to hit them when they #@$@ me off.
These are my beliefs regarding my own family. How everyone else deals with their children is their own business, no need to argue about it.

luvmykids replied:
Mine don't do it back, the times they have hit each other are more out of not knowing how else to deal with their frustrations but it's a pretty distant memory. Also, there has never been an instance where they thought they needed to "discipline" the others, they don't spank each other or hit each other because someone did something to them. I explained from the very beginning and still do that spanking is hitting but not out of anger, spite, or instinctive reaction. It is something mommy or daddy do when the consequences have been clearly laid out and they have chosen to do it anyway. And they all know it is not their "job" to discipline each other, that was laid out very early when my stepd who is much older tried to take that role on herself.

I do agree that children who are smacked out of nowhere do fear and mistrust but honestly feel like in our case at least, because it is a very black and white thing and not done "spur of the moment" they don't have those feelings, they know what they are being spanked for and exactly when it is coming so it's not like they get a swat out of the blue or out of rage or never know when they might get it.

I don't know if that makes sense to non-spankers, but it works for us. And actually it's pretty rare for anyone to get spanked anyway, if they do they know they did something huge to get it. And I don't think I've had to spank for the same "offense" twice, one spanking is usually enough to nip it in the bud.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: For my kids to get "spanked"... it's gotta be something pretty major.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I believe in spanking, and my child does not hit me back. In fact, he is not aggressive at all. He's a "boy" with lots of energy, but he is not aggressive. If you spare the rod, you spoil the child, in my opinion. I also believe all kids are different. Some kids, spanking never works. Others need it. I find it interesting how some people I've met swear that they will never ever spank their children, then they get a totally out of control kid who needs a spanking. Then they look at me like "what do I do?" and wonder how their child got to be the way he/she is. I've seen it time and time again in many preschool classes I have taught. I also believe that there is a line between spanking and beating. If you are spanking your child every time they do something wrong, then the parent is the one with a problem. However, I think that when used appropriately, it can be effective, especially with the strong willed child. You have to use what works for each child, but I think anyone who says "I will never spank my child" better say an extra prayer that they don't get a child who needs one. It works for our child now. Who knows if we will have to with our next. Every child has to be considered on an individual basis, IMHO. What works for one child and family, may not work for the next.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This went through my mind as well. Who honestly has never heard of spanking unless you live in a bubble? Come on!

redchief replied: At one time I spanked my kids when I thought they "needed it." I learned that they never needed it, ever. I'm sorry I used spanking and I definitely don't recommend it. I'm only going to say this one more thing on spanking; I know now that an adult spanking a small person is bullying. I've learned that discipline doesn't have to be physical, and if meted out consistently and appropriately, nonviolent discipline sends a stronger, longer lasting message.

MomToJade&Jordan replied:



What Cary said. It's usually because I had to follow through. You know it really doesn't work either. I get more results when I say I'm going to take something away or she won't be allowed to play her Dora game before bed. I was rarely spanked as a child because when an adult got cross with me it would hurt my feelings. Jade is a lot like this. I usually send her to her room and wait until she has stopped crying and then I will explain to her why she got into trouble. She has gotten better since we have gotten here and there is more stability in her life. I hope to continue that for her.

Lizzie replied: I think I have each of my kids a total of once, each. It was only when they were really out of hand, and nothing else seemed to work. My oldest knew that if it got like that again, it could happen again, she really didnt seem to misbehave again. It just plainol didnt work with my son, he didnt care, sending him to his room was more of a punishment. For my youngest, you get the same results if you sit down and talk with her, that works the best with her.

That shows you that each kid is different, what works for one, might not work for another.

Brias3 replied: I'm always at odds with this one. I do not want to send mixed messages when I tell them to not hit and then go and give a spanking but at the same time, in some serious scenarios, they have all gotten a pat on the butt or the hand at one time or another. It's not something I necessarily believe in or do in anger at all but I do admit, a "love tap" has been necessary at certain points.

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: Not yet, but my 9 year old is leaning on my last nerve.

3_call_me_mama replied:
Ed you always say it so perfectly!

Bee_Kay replied: When my kids were ALOT younger they got swats on the butt. Ashley twice, Tyler once. I haven't ever struck them to the point where they "feel it".

I was only spanked one time when I was a child (my parents told me what I did... believe me, I had it coming)

I never felt the need to spank my children. I wanted them to learn right from wrong by, first, it being explained to them so they understand and then followed by a loss of something. We have always used the "taking away priviledges" form of discipline.

Ashley and Tyler were never really difficult children either, so maybe that is a reason also.


ETA: although I have chosen to not spank.... I don't judge those that do

A&A'smommy replied: We spank but only if nothing else works or if I threaten one first (the threat use to work everytime) but its really more of a "love tap" I hate doing it but time outs don't really work for her and groundings well sometimes taking away the tv works but what am I really going to ground a 2 year old from

super_mom_syndrome replied:

My son is age 8 and I don't spank him. I talk to my son and we have very good communication between us. I choose not to spank because as a child my parents over did it and crossed the line by actually beating me. When I became a parent I swore I'd never do it. I started taking early childhood education classes when he was an infant. This helped me with my own philosophy. I believe that a child doesn't learn anything from a spanking. Its an act that doesn't have any connection to what the issue was about. Instead of giving a spanking the child should have communication with the adult at the child's level so they may understand what has happened. More than anything the best time for a child to learn this is by prevention. Its hard to write about all the different ways I teach my son because its nature to me and I use a great deal of different kinds of stratagies. It works different at different times but what helps me most is teachable moments and the use of prevention.

Anyway I choose not to spank. Does me that make me a better person or worse person, no. It just is a path I chose for us.