Spanking

m215 wrote: i have a 4 year old of my own and i find nothing wrong with a crack on the butt once and a while but my question is this.... i babysit a 2 1/2 year old and i recently felt the need to smack her butt after several attempts at asking her to stop jumping on the bed that were unsuccessful. i told her mother what i had done and she seemed annoyed with me and stated sternly that they do not hit their child. this topic has never come up in the year i've been sitting for her. how do i approach this situation with the paents? i don't feel that what i did was wrong but i understand that they chose not to do it. your help would be most appreciated!

A&A'smommy replied: Lots of people choose not to spank their children but my husband and I aren't those people but I won't get into that. I would just opologize to her for doing that and tell her didn't know and that you wont do it again I'msure she will understand.

kimberley replied: to be honest with you, i would be livid if my child care provider physically disciplined my child. i understand that you don't see anything wrong with it but that authoritarian style of parenting is just not the norm anymore. violence only begets violence imho. especially in the toddler years, the only effective method of discipline is redirection and explaining in simple terms why the behavior is wrong.. again, just my opinion.

i agree that an apology to the parents and child is in order and you should definitely sit down with them and discuss in detail what is acceptable to them regarding discipline. no method is effective if there isn't consistency at home and in daycare. if you have any other children in your care, it may be a good idea to discuss this issue with them as well in order to avoid similar problems in the future.
good luck.

5littleladies replied: I personally don't have a problem with an occassional spanking, but I do understand the parents in this situation being upset. I would never, ever spank another persons child-even if I knew they approved of spanking-even if they told me I could spank their child for that matter. That is one form of discipline that I think should be left to the parents.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I was spanked as a child and I do not blame my parents for doing it, nor do I feel that they were intentionally acting out violence towards me. I do not think it's right to spank a child that is not your own, but I think it's appropriate that you were very honest with the parent and told them what had happened. If they don't spank, then ask them what they would prefer you do in situations like this. If no discilplinary plan is in place, well then I would probably stop watching their kid. It's unfair to ask you to just sit back and let the child you're watching do whatever she wants without you doing anything about it. Ask if how they would handle it at home...for example, do they do time out instead?

mummy2girls replied: i am a childcare provider and i would never spank or anything the child im caring for. to me its not my right to do that kind of discipline. Tables turned i would be livid if the daycare my dd is in spanked her! I personally dont believe in spanking. but thats because i feel if you are teaching thenm not to hit or if your hitting them because they hit you as a punioshment your not teaching them anything! they see it as well if my mommy hit me when she is mad then i guess its ok for me to hit when im mad also! So what i do is redirection, time outs and taking away priveledges... One child i took care of was just so disobedient to me and what i did was take away the most improtant thing to her for a day and she started to listen. plus i gave her alot of timeouts and just redirection. thats what i do with jenna. And it helps. Plus always get to eye level when trying to talk to them. never stabnd above them and talk down to them...

an apology is the best thing. just tell her you are very sorry and talk to her about discipline and what they do and follow with what they do.

m215 replied: i tried the redierction thing as someone said i spoke to her several times and she still did what she wanted i even did the time out, i appreciate everyones advice and i will be sitting down with the parents asap..the child is very strong willed and rarely listens but how do you tell a parent that their child can be a little terror and that you don't feel that you can watch them anymore without hurting feelings?

Boys r us replied: Wow!! I don't know..maybe this child just needs lots of love? I've seen this hold true so many times. I actually tried it out on my nephew who I had began to think was the devil, I kid you not, I even told my mom he was going to grow up to be a seril killer or something! He would hurt my baby and have this look of pleasure in his eyes and he would not listen to anyone. NO ONE! My brother and SIL were not into spanking either, but then after trying everything else, they gave into spanking him..which DIDN'T MAKE ANYTHING ANY BETTER! Only worse..so I said..why don't you drown that child with love and attention...Just pour it on! They tried it..and in 3 months, he was a different child. They just gave him lots of love and attention..at least 2 hours of unbroken attention and play every evening.

Anyhow..maybe you could try that. His bad behavior could be a cry for something..u know!

But, not to bash you..but I would be pretty infuriated if ANYONE ever so much as even smacked my child's hand. AS a child care giver, you have to have this talk with the parents and make sure everyone is on the same page. I don't believe in physical discipline for my boys, but that is one thing I have ALWAYS made VERY clear with anyone who will be caring for them in order to prevent ANYTHING like this!

ian'smommy replied: How long have you babysat this little girl? I don't believe that spanking is horrible if it comes down to it, but I use it as a last resort. But as a caregiver, it isn't your place. I would say to try time outs some more. If you ask her to repeatedly stop doing something and she doesn't stop, pick a time out spot and give her a warning if she does something that isn't acceptable. If she does it again, get down to her level, tell her she is going to time out and WHY. Then bring her and put there. Tell her again why she is there and then walk away. If she leaves her spot put her back and tell her again, why she is there, and how long she needs to stay. Typically 1 minute per year of the child's age. I know it won't work right away. You may end up putting her back in time out 50 times before she stays for her full 2 1/2 minutes. But eventually she will get it. Spanking tends to get immediate results. Which can be great. But I'm sure you noticed, it doesn't make the problem go away totally. It will happen again. Time outs and redirection however, have slower results. It takes mounds of patience.
I would be upset if I knew my child's sitter spanked him. We don't even allow family to spank him unless it's me or my DH.... It is not the only thing to do with a strong willed child. Total consistency will work. You will need to sit down with her parents and discuss the methods they use and continue with those methods so it is consistent with what they do. If you don't like the method, then you may just have to not babysit her anymore. You won't be telling them she is a monster of course. Chances are, she isn't. She could be testing you to see how you handle it. but Just say that you don't know what method to use because your methods could be different from theirs. That doesn't work for some toddlers.
I babysat a 3 year old deaf child for awhile. I know some sign language, but not enough to totally explain that what he did was wrong, but he got a look from me immediately after his action, and he was told, in sign language to sit on the couch because he wasn't nice. He knew I meant business and even with his strong will, he stayed where I put him after a few times of putting him back.
Good luck.

kimberley replied:
ITA! that cute little boy with a balloon on his head in my signature is the perfect example of a child who has tested wills all of his life. only now at 7yo is he *starting* to control himself. spanking made things worse. for him, we eventually learned that his frustration and anger stemmed from not being comfortable or knowing how to express his emotions and a bit of "middle child syndrome".

as Nichole suggested, pouring on the love helps and consistency IS KEY! good luck with what you decide.

gr33n3y3z replied: If my child needed a spanking they got one but it was more a love tap
But that only happened maybe a few times in all of the children and I have 4

I dont feel anyone should spank/smack anyone elses child there are other means of punnishment that can be done and like everyone said maybe the child wants or needs affection

lisar replied: Lots of people choose not to spank thier children. i think it is up to the parents. However if you are having a problem with the child listening to you then talk to them and ask them what they would like you to do. I hope it helps and you figure something out.

Lisa

m215 replied: i talked to the parents seperatly and the mother was annoyed and rightfully so but the father didn't seem to care. he asked me if she deserved it and told me just between us he gives her a smack on the butt once in a while too... the parents aren't even on the same page. i apoligized and said i'd never do it again but i feel like things are still up in the air with the mom. i now feel a little uncomfortable with the entire situation to begin with and the fact that the mother is against but the father isn't makes me a little nervous...she's the only child i watch and only every other weekend so i think i might just say i can't watch her any more. this has been a learning experience and i wanna thank everyone her for all the advice. thank you

mama3x replied: I have to admit I'd hit the roof if someone other than myself and DH smacked ANY of my kids, even my oldest. I am not saying I am against the occasional smack on the butt if there's something dangerous about to happen but that's something a parent should administer. It's not the caregiver's place to do something like that.

Maybe put up a gate to prevent this child from going where the bed is if that's possible or ask the parents how they discipline at home. Time outs and redirection that are administered consistently each and every time do eventually work (as some other mommies have stated).

Much luck to you~