Soooo hard - (Quite long)

Josie83 wrote: Well as predicted yesterday going back to school was so had. I think Cassie ws just really confused. She started to cry when I went to get out of the car to go to school, when I kissed her she was crying her eyes out and holding onto me so hard I had to walk away from her screaming and Jason trying to calm her down. Jason said she was really quietall morning when he had her. He didn't have time to bring her to see me at school because of a clash in our class times, so he had to take her straight to my sister's before going to school himself. He said she was cying again when he went to leave her and telling him "Daddy don't go" he said it was so hard. When I picked her up last nigth she was hugging me for ages, she was so quiet ahome and told us she didn't want us to go again She had a really disturbed night last night which she never had, she woke us up crying and we brought her in our bed with us. This morning was nearly as bad, she got so upset when we both had to leave. Jason has her tomorrow afternoon but I don't get any time with her until Thursday morning. Its so hard! I was crying myself last night and as most of you know I'm not a crier. I just feel so bad doing this to my baby girl! Thanks for reading if you got this far xx

A&A'smommy replied: awwww Josie I can't amagine how difficult this must be for you!!! I'm so sorry you have to go through this but I bet you ANYTHING when its all over she will be SOO proud of you guys and she will brag to all her friends what cool parents she has! ((((BIG HUGS)))) I'm sorry sweetie I wish I could say more to make you feel better!

DansMom replied: That sounds terrible! I'm so sorry.

mom21kid2dogs replied: So sorry it was so hard! Just wanted to reassure you that it's very developmentally normal for kids in her age range (even kids who have always spent time away from mom and/or dad) to react to seperation poorly right now. It's all just hitting at a really hard time for her. Do you have either a special something (a photo, or hat, locket, etc) that she could carry with her so she can have some reassurance about you coming back? That might help her. I have a friend who has a secret code with her little boy. She gives him two kisses in the morning~one on the forehead and one in the palm of his hand to carry with him all day. This has worked great for them.
Just wanted to say sorry and hang in there! Change is hard but it does get better!

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh Josie, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I dread the day that Blakely does this. Poor Cassie, surely she will do well once she gets used to the new routine, right?? Well, I sure hope so. I hope things get better for you all soon!

5littleladies replied: I'm sorry this is so hard for you! Hang in there-I'm sure she will get used to the routine before you know it!

Boys r us replied: I know how hard it is to leave them anyhow, but when they're crying..it's a real doosie!
I'm sorry! Things will get better once she gets settled into the routine!

Josie83 replied: Thanks everyone. Its just so hard, noone likes to see their baby cry, especialyl when you know its your fault! I know that she will be okay when she gets used to it again but until then its just so hard. Mom21kid2dogs, your diea is quite a good one. Maybe we could try that. I think she'll be okay after a couple of days, its just so hard. I'm finding it quite hard to concnetrate as well because I just keep thinking of her. I'm hoping she's a bit better today. Thanks again fior all your support, it means a lot xx

jcc64 replied: I went through this with my oldest son (who is now 12). I can vividly remember feeling like vomiting while listening to his screams across the yard (and this was over 10 yrs ago).
I feel for you. But as you've said yourself, it will gradually get easier over time, and once it becomes routine she won't think twice about it. It's also possible that she's picking up your ambivalence about it. (kids are so tuned into your moods) As hard as it is to "fake it", try to convey a cheerful sense of acceptance about your separations- it may soothe her to know mommy's ok with this, so it must be ok. In the meantime, some tears, clinginess, and sleep troubles are predictable and normal reactions. Good luck.

DansMom replied: The attitude you convey does help. When Daniel starts to act anxious as I put my boots on and gather my things to leave, I pretend that I'm really happy about going to work---momma gets to go to work! Then later I get to come home again and see Daniel! I give him a big kiss and smile. This morning, I got the payoff---he was sitting in his booster seat eating a waffle as I tied my boots. "Mama, mama, mama.... going to work!" and he just pointed at me and smiled. I couldn't believe it. I used to be sad about leaving him and showed it, so he would pick up on that and throw a fit. I hope things get easier for Cassie in a few days.

Doctor_Mom replied: It's a horrible feeling when your kids cry isn't it? There's that fake cry they do where ya just know they'll live through it and not write a book about you one day, and then there's that real gut wrenching cry that makes you feel like the worst parent to ever live. I could tell you it's normal that your little girl is taking this very badly, but I'm pretty sure you already know that.

When my son first came to live with us (he's adopted), he was facing not only a new home and new parents, but the added fear that we would leave him and never come back. I got a really great keychain with a picture frame attached and put a picture of us in it, then clipped it onto the belt loop of his jeans. Anytime he worried, he would look at the picture and know we loved him and would be back, as promised. As he got older, we would write the time we would be home (on his hand) and he would countdown to that time. In my practice as a family counselor I would caution parents against saying, "Mom will be back soon" because to a parent, 'soon' can mean 8 hours but to a child soon is right now.

I know this is hard but you'll get through it and things will be great. Kids need to learn that mom and dad have lives and hobbies too. It's really healthy for kids to learn that at a young age because it fosters identity and independence in them.

Enjoy the crying for now because in a few years they don't cry when you leave. They cry when you come back! lol

ediep replied: awwww, Josie, so sorry! I am sure it is just because she had such a wonderful time on vacation, she'll get used to the routine again very soon. I bet by tomorrow it will be much easier

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Awwww I'm so sorry Cassie is having such a rough time with this. And I know you probably don't want to hear this, but she will adjust. Just keep reasurring her that you love her and when you have time with her make it extra special.

loveydad replied: I'm sorry!! I know it's tough! I wish I could make it better. I agree with the others, pretty soon she'll be back on her own routine again.

Josie83 replied: Hi she's not been so bad but still a bit upset. SDhe hasn't slept through the nigth since Monday (three nights) which really isn't like her. She's cried every morning as well but she's apparently not been soquiet when we've left. I know it'll get easier I just feel so bad for her! Thanks for all your help and advice. Oh, and we sprayed her teddy Laura with Daddy's aftershave and her Dodo with my perfume so she can smell them when she's missing them . . . Jason said she kept hugging her Dodo and smelling it and saying "its my mummy!" when he had her the other day . . . . . . so maybe that did help. Thanks again everyone! xx