Some kid advice...

mummy2girls wrote: ok I have been banging mt head agaisnt the wall because of some issues... Ever since I went private I got a whole new slew of kids in my dayhome and have had some issues come up and maby some help on this may help me....

My niece is here 2 days a week and she is at times hard to deal with... Cleanup time is a nightmare with her. And according to my SIL she is teh same way at home.. I tell her its cleanup time and she just sits there or goes off playing, or just stands in teh middle of the room and doesnt move. Its not fair that she makes some of the mess and the other kids clean it up but her. I have no problems with the others as they all help, even the 1 year olds help as much as they can. Do you think if i give her a warning and say if you dont clean up you will not be able to play with the toys for the rest of the day. I do the first clean up time right after lunch...

A 4 year old( will be 5 next month) is an annoying little bugger. Meaning he will iratate the others and annoy them. By laying on the kids and not getting up, stickig things in thier faces, takes items away from them to just laugh, grabd their blankets they have and not let go. Its like an addiction and wont feel good until he makes them cry. He will be physically mean as well by hitting, kicking, pushing, punching, etc

a 18 month old that will get into anything and everything. he will dump out all my toys bins. I have a shelf with 6 bins in it , each bin has different toys. so one is cars, one is barbies, baby dolls, little people, trains set, baby clothes and items like bottle. He will pull each bin out and dumpo, throw the toys everywhere then run away. I have taken from teh bin say no, we dont dump out the bins and remove him into a diff area. he will just uturn back and dump another one out. We will clean it up, go to another bin to have him just dump out the one we cleaned up. The bins dont have a lock to prevent them to be pulled out they just slide in and out. there is no back to teh shelf so you can pull in and out either side. I have it agasint the wall but he just pulls it out the other way. he will empty teh mega blocks bin as well. I had to take the bin taht has the kitchen play food and dishes and put up because he will climb in and throw the toys everywhere...UGH!!!! he will takle toys away because HE WANTS them. climbs onto my end tables by teh couch...

a almost 2 year old that bites. He will bite just because he wants to. So yes out of anger but also just because he feels like it. He will lunge out at the 18 month old and bite him on the arm. i deal with it to him to just run back over after his punishment and bite his other arm and then his shoulder. The parents of these 2 kids are friends so they can duke it out... LOL. BUT seriously i dont tolerate biting so i think termination is what needs to be done bascuse i just dont like thata nd when its something they do out of fun its time to go... But how would you deal? because if i terminate i have to give 1 month notice so for that month i will have him.

I love my dayhome but i seem to have an issue with half the kids in my care and i just need to figure out ways to stop this...

boyohboyohboy replied: I think biting is normal for a two yr old. They get frustrated with situations and bite because of limited language and expression. While it does need to be addressed, I think constant redirection and keeping a closer eye on the kid he bites is in order. I would be upset if my child came home with bite marks.
I dont know that I would terminate the child, but come up with a consistent plan for him with his parents.
But it's your home, and only you know what you can deal with.
Good luck

mckayleesmom replied: It sounds like maybe you have too many kids around the same age at the same time...Does that make sense? Most of the things you mentioned sound normal to me for those ages, BUT...you have it multiplied because its more then one kid. Sounds like you are outnumbered.

I would personally try to limit the younger kids because they need so much more attention and will act out to get it...dumping toys, biting, etc. This makes it hard for you to keep up with because ..like I said, you are outnumbered. While cleaning up one little ones mess, the other is out destroying something totally new..lol. Maybe try to get your dayhome to where there is more older kids vs..babies under 2. If you are planning to terminate them anyway, then maybe you can try to add more kids at the preschool age.

As for the niece that won't pick up....I have one of those...Russell will all the sudden become too tired and whiney when it comes time to clean up....He loses priveledges...One time he wasn't allowed to touch toys, watch tv or play xbox all day. I made him do chores. If he won't help clean it up...he doesn't get to play with them. Since you have had other problems with the SIL and her kids from what I recall..maybe its time to tell her that maybe she isn't a good fit in the dayhome anymore and maybe they should try preschool...


Tons of props to you Shelly....I got exhausted reading your post. As a mom of Mckaylee alone...Mckaylee was all those things you mentioned in those individual kids...plus much much more...She was into everything, could get any safety lock open, took things apart, was fearless. Then Russell got bigger and she tried to teach him everything she knew...thank goodness he stayed quiet and didn't like getting in trouble and thank goodness she has finally outgrew it. Good Luck Shelly.

mummy2girls replied:
I am only terminating the biter not the others. yes it could be because there is many the same age .... BUt terminating and starting over is not an option for me financially. I went for 18 months with 2 kids in care and that put us in debt bigtime, my visa was taken away because of not keeping up to payments, we had to borrow money from our parents way to many times and we are finally now just putting a dent in our debt. It could take 1 week to refill but it also could take months and that is not an option expecially being marcus is going back to school in sept to get his B.ED. Plus getting all school aged will take months to fill up because by teh time a child is 3 or older they are already in a daycare already. plus having all kids 4 years and up will not bring in as much money as well. Financially i need at least some 1 year olds. It probably is because it is multiplied because i have 6 kids under the age of 5 in care. I have been doing this since 2006 and i have never had this many problems in one group of kids. I do get the problem child or 2 but to have all 6 its quite hard and i just need to turn it around ....This being said i just need some ideas on how to maby get some of this under control to where i am not in a fetal position on teh floor at the end of each day....LOL

Yes the young kids is normal for thier age BUT the 4 year old i feel is not normal. Its hard to explain unless you come and actually observe him for a day. yes the pushing and such is normal for all kids BUT his is to the extreme:( one example of what he does... he was playing with the mega blocks building a gun, a 2 year old came and sat beside him she did nothing but hand him blocks and just watch. He was fun and enjoyed the help and then its like he snapped and had a personality change and he hit this child so hard on teh side of her head she lost her breath and could not get a cry out. I thoughts he was going to turn blue. This girl was his sister but still that was unacceptable in my books. the annoying is normal but his is just to the extreme... i just need ideas to get his annoying down to at least a normal level....LOL

my2monkeyboys replied: I was going to say that the younger kids sound like normal 1 1/2-2 yr olds. They are a MESS and love to make one, too! As for the biting, it may be that it takes him getting bitten before he will stop... kind of not realizing how it actually feels, but once he does, it may make him stop. Now I'm not saying you should bite him, but I'm not saying that someone shouldn't show him how it feels... but either way I would just keep a super close eye on him, explain that it hurts and he isn't allowed to do that, and do timeouts when it does happen.
As for the 4 yr old, I would talk to his parents about his behavior, and if you can't figure out a way to make him stop I would dismiss him. He is old enough to know better, and if he insists on being mean, I would definitely come down hard on him - take away toy time, big timeouts, whatever you can to make him stop. I would make it clear to his parents that if his behavior doesn't stop, he will be released. He is being a bully and there is no room for that.
For the niece that won't clean up, absolutely take play/tv/etc. time away from her. She has to learn that if she plays, she has to clean, too.

I hope I am helping - I couldn't imagine having that many young kids at once!

redchief replied: I agree with the other on the biting 2 year-old. Redirect whenever that behavior is exhibited and let him know that you understand he is frustrated but that biting isn't going to get him what he needs. Speak with his parent about it and find out if the problem happens at home too, then develop a strategy together to redirect his biting behavior consistently. If you can't get him to stop. or the time the effort takes to redirect him is too challenging, you may have to terminate.

The 4 year old is exhibiting early bullying behavior. That nearly always has its roots in self-esteem problems. This seems to be the most challenging of your problems not so much because it hurts the other kids, but because of what the future holds if this doesn't come into check. This is an excellent article on bullying. Unless you take a strong interest in changing how this child feels as part of the group, the behavior is probably going to escalate.

I think the clean-up problem might well be solved with a simple and small change in schedule. Speak with the other parents and see if you can institute a treat basket. Make clean-up happen before lunch with a selection from the treat basket after lunch for all who participated satisfactorily in clean-up. A few missed treats should convince your niece to help out.

mummy2girls replied:
The him getting bit may make him stop.... Nope doesnt work. The 18 month old he bit got back at him and bit him on teh finger so hard it broke skin and bled. He felt the pain of it and such but he just went back to bit again...

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe you can curve the "bully's" behavior by making him feel important. You can put him in charge of being your helper and give him odd jobs and activities to help you out.

stella6979 replied: Ok, here is my 2cents.
For your niece...YES! If she does not want to help clean up, then she can sit the rest of the day and not play. I babysit every now and then for the neighbor girls who are 3 and 5 and the 3 year old LOVES to make a mess but refuses to clean up and at 3, heck even at 1 kids are capable of helping to clean up and I think the earlier you start teaching them that the better. Anyways, if she does not want to clean up, I will make her leave the room and sit in the front hall. Of course, as soon as we are done cleaning up, she will say "ok, I'm ready to help now"....ya, that doesn't fly with me. I put her right back in the hallway and that is where she stays. Yep, I'm a big meany!!!
And as for the biter. I say terminate him. Although he is still young, if he is not understanding after many warnings, he needs to go. A friend of mine is going through the same thing only her daughter is the one being bit. So far, it has happened 3 times in that past month. She sent me a picture once and OMG, it was bad. Very close to drawing blood and the daycare provider says she does punish the biter but it still continues but she doesn't know what to do. And my friend is torn because she is good friends with the provider and her daughter has been with her since infancy but she is also concerned about her daughters safety. I know young kids bite, I get that, but if my child was the one getting bit over and over again, I would not be happy about it and I would not feel comfortable leaving my child.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
#1: Your neice: I would save a small portion of the mess for her and tell her she can come to the lunch table (or whatever activity is next) when she is done picking up. She may cry, throw a fit, or even stand there for an hour or more....but I still would not give in. She needs to help, and be made to help. I would not let her move on to the next activity/lunch until she picks up whatever you set aside for her to clean.

#2: The 4 year old: I would keep him away from the other kids when he acts like this. Keep him isolated for a period of time away from friends until he says he will be able to get along better (toy at a table, or something like that). If you have exhausted everything, I would not tolerate it and terminate. I do not tolerate bullying, and a 4 year old knows better. Try role playing as well.

#3: 18 month old: All completely normal behavior. Not much you can do really aside from having the child help you clean up when things are dumped. But, toddlers like to dump, that's what they do.

#4: 2 year old: Biters always have a reason for biting. Is it language? Does the child not talk very clearly? A lot of times biting stems from a child not being able to communicate properly, so they resort to biting. If this is the case then the child needs to have his/her language fostered so the child can learn how to problem solve appropriately. If it has become a HUGE safety issue and this child is doing it so regularly that parents would be concerned, then I would terminate based on safety issues. Stay ON TOP on the child as much as possible, so you can intervene before it's about to happen.

mummy2girls replied:
the biter.... He has a good language for his age. Quite advanced for sure. The biting has become to apoint he just latches on to whoever is close to him and bite. At times because he is mad but most of teh time its because the child is there and he feels like it. The children will not even bug him he just latches on.. I have been taking him where i go because i dont trust him being alone... and when i am there i will notice his mouth open up and then he leans toward any child and bites. I catch hima nd stop him and consequent him... teremination is in his books though i think

coasterqueen replied:
Maybe he has an oral fixation. Megan has with her sensory disorder, but I don't think you have to have an SD to have an oral fixation. Megan just always has to have something in her mouth, so the therapist recommended a toothbrush for her to carry around. I'd try getting him something he can "bite" on whenever he feels the urge. Tell him biting people is bad (I'm sure you've already done that) and that whatever particular oral fixating "thing" you get for him is ok to bite on. Worth a try.

youngmomofone replied: I 1000% agree with Karen. I would try that first before terminating.