Social Anxiety

Halo42101 wrote: Does anyone else suffer from it? I have suffered with it for years but have worse of a time recently going out. I have trouble breathing (I feel like I am hyper ventalating sometimes), my stomach bothers me, which makes me run to the bathroom, & I have to convince myself every time I'm ready to go out that it's okay. But half the time I'm out, I end up in the bathroom anyway. So it's hard to enjoy what time I do have out. It's very frustrating because there is so much more I want to do but can't because of this reason. I was wondering if anyone has this problem too and what you do to make it better.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Hugs, Jessi. My social anxiety was never as bad as what you are describing. I basically had to force myself to go out and try to enjoy myself. It was a process of desensitization. I started with only small outings with groups of close friends and worked my way up to larger parties. I still hate going to Aaron's firm Christmas parties. The turnover among the secretaries is so high I never know the same ones two years in a row. I am fine at my own Christmas party, but I work with those people every day. And socialize with them outside of work. Since you stay home, it may be more difficult to work up to parties. I would suggest looking into young adult groups at your church. Not the singles ones, but our church has a wonderful young adult group. Or Christian Women's Fellowship or something along those lines. Small groups of people who share your common interests. Or look at a scrapbooking class or something at a local college that looks interesting to you. If you are in a class, there is less pressure to "perform". You just have to take notes and use the time after class to meet people.

Halo42101 replied: To you too, Kelly. I am sorry you suffer with it also. I can't imagine being this way and doing the job you're doing. I give you so much credit for that. I can see how Aaron's Christmas parties would bother you. But I am glad you belong to a nice group in Church that helps you through times like these. I am not sure what my Church has to offer like that. I honestly don't go much. But I am working my way into going more because it does help me when I am there. Thank you for such kind suggestions, Kelly. When I am more familiar with our Church, I will ask them if they have groups like that.

MyLuvBugs replied: Mines not that bad either. I can go out and do stuff, but if I know it's goingto be lots of people (ie. Large groups)....I get freaked. I tend to suck in air when I get that way, and my stomach then gets a bloated feeling and I feel really sick for the whole time.... it helps a little that DH is a social butterfly! I just let him do all the talking.

Halo42101 replied:
Me too, Erika! Like when we're introducing ourselves... I let Theron do it most of the time. He's a social butterfuly as well.

Halo42101 replied:
What's that?

holley79 replied: Oh Jessi I am so sorry. I haven't had the problem so I don't know what to say.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I should have been the poster child for that

I was bad at one point I'm great with small groups in big places
but larger groups and low ceiling I'm ready to get out of there as fast as I walked in

you just have to work up to what your comfy with and keep at it and add a little more each time.

You will get past that just takes time

Halo42101 replied: Thank you also for your replies Holley & Lisa. My brother is a Nurse and said I just have to get out there and do things. He said that's the only way to overcome it but I like all your suggestions... to take it in small groups at a time.

jcc64 replied: Social anxiety is a sub species of the larger anxiety/panic disorders. What you describe is classic panic attack stuff- and there are lots of ways to treat it- from simple deep breathing exercises and visualization, to different therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy, to medications, if necessary. While it's true that you do need to get out there, no matter how scary it seems, no one needs to suffer endlessly with the symptoms. There are many many ways to treat it- you need to ascertain how serious your problem is and how aggressively you want to treat it. But you don't have to just "live with it". Pm me if you want- I know ALOT about anxiety stuff- I've had an anxiety disorder for 15 yrs or so, but I have it completely under control now.

Halo42101 replied: Wow! Thank you, Jeanne. I can't believe you have had it for 15 years! I am so sorry. I am glad you are getting help for it now though. A friend of mine said she had it too but was put on Paxil for it and it helped her. Are you on a med. like that as well?

Mom2Boyz replied: I've never had social anxiety disorder, but I have severe panic disorder. I actually feel better when I'm around a group of people rather than by myself. I'm also taking paxil, and it has helped me tremendously!!!! I hope you are able to find some relief from it soon Anxiety disorders of any kind are no fun.

mammag replied: I also have social anxiety but not to that extent. I always feel like I get supper conscious of every move I'm making.... how I'm walking, how I'm sitting, etc. I think it makes me a bit awkward from concentrating on it so much. I also have a hard time talking to anyone....just not sure what to say. I'm so sorry you are dealing with it and especially to that extent because I know how much it sucks! I would love to go into a social environment and not worry about going up to someone and talking. I absolutely have to conquer it next year though because I want to get the kids in some homeschooling groups. The thought of going to that first meeting or outing has me totally freaked out though and I don't have anyone that could go with me to make it easier.

What scares me is that the kids all seem to be the same way.

Halo42101 replied: It helps to know it's not just me. I mean, I knew it wasn't but talking to others who have it helps too. Jeanie, if I could, I would sure go with you. I pray that you'll be able to make it through that time. I am sorry for the rest of you who have some kind of panic disorder too. Perhaps we can all help each other through it somehow, even if it's just online.

jcc64 replied: I hope I didn't freak you out by saying I've had it for 15 yrs. By that, I mean I was first diagnosed 15 yrs ago, but in no way does that mean I've been suffering with the symptoms all these years. I did eventually go on paxil, and it helped ALOT, basically cured it as long as I stayed on the meds, which of course, I didn't and I don't. I go on and off them, depending on how I'm feeling and what's going on in my life (like pgs, bad stretches like my dad's illness and death, etc). When I first sought treatment way back when, the dr told me that unfortunately, this sort of disorder is not the type of thing that gets "cured" and never comes back, and that's been true. It comes and goes. I can go months and months with no trouble, and then it might pop back up out of the blue. I always know that there is relief with the meds, if I need it, and so, that knowledge helps remove ALOT of the feelings and symptoms. That's why I said it's totally unnecessary to suffer with this disorder- you just need to really understand what is happening- mentally and physiologically, and then what types of things bring you relief. At this point, I've got it down to a science- but it took me a few years to figure it out.
Good luck, and you're right- it's tremendously helpful just knowing you're not alone.

MyLuvBugs replied:
I guess that's why we married them huh?

MyLuvBugs replied:
OH YEAH!! Low ceilings!! Man, those are bad too. maybe we're a little closterphobic (sp?) or something.

The worst for me was going to Disneyland on a holiday like Labor Day or 4th of July everyone and their dog would be there...UGH....I couldn't enjoy myself....just kept thinking of all these people around me.....

Needless to say I liked going on days that it was raining or middle of the week b/c I just couldn't handle that many people all in one place.

Jackie012007 replied: I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety after a very traumatic experience last year at school. Top that off with depression and overall anxiety. It ruined my education... I had to drop out. I've been on Paxil for it because other stuff hasn't worked, not even therapy... but my situation is pretty rough. I was doing better but now that I am pregnant I had to go off of the Paxil, so it has been very rough... pretty much stick to myself around the house. DF is also a social butterfly so it helps to an extent... it's crappy. I'm sorry to hear you are dealing (heck, a lot of you!) with this, but it does get better, you just have to find the right treatment!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I used to have bad social anxiety. I still struggle with it a bit but a few years ago I couldn't even go to work without feeling sick and having trouble breathing, I'd get heart palpitations and my hands would get really sweaty. I could go to the grocery store and Target without any trouble as long as no one tried to talk to me, but other than that the only place I would ever go was to Jennifer's house and if there were other people there I'd have to leave - it was miserable.

I'm not sure why it's gotten better since then, so I don't really have any advice, I just want you to know I feel for you. I think a lot of it had to do with other things I was going through in my life, and once those got better I started feeling a bit more comfortable being around people. I still do have a hard time being at social gatherings though - I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb and can never really enjoy myself. I'm working on getting out of my comfort zone and trying to make myself interact with people besides my closest friends ~ this may not sound like much but this morning I went walking with a lady from my church that lives by my town. I know her better than I do some of the women in my church but she's still not someone I hang out with on a regular basis and it was a hard thing for me to do. I actually had a good time and she's coming again on wednesday. When I was pregnant with Andrew I started going with some other young moms from our church to this same lady's house once a month just to chat - that was a really hard thing for me to start doing too, but now I look forward to going and I think it's helped me feel more comfortable with talking to people and just being around people beyond my family and closest friends.

I'll be praying for you Jessi, I know how hard this is. I hope it gets better for you soon!

redchief replied: Lisa has done extremely well over the years. Especially being married to me since I'm a public figure and there are many functions we attend that I know well she would rather not. When she makes those sacrifices, it only serves as a reminder of how much she loves me.

kit_kats_mom replied: Since I've been such a hermit since I had Katherine and I don't drink nearly as much as I used too, I have tons of social anxiety. For example, Katherine's playgroup meets once a week and I have to start psyching myself up for it a couple of days in advance. Luckily, when I'm there I have the girls to distract me and I don't really have to talk to anyone. But lord help me if I get stuck in the kitchen alone with a mom or two...I turn into a complete dolt. Today we had playgroup at my house and after going for 7 weeks, I still just don't feel like I "fit". It's sad and I hate it but I will keep going for Katherine's sake...until she tells me she doesn't want to go anymore. Hopefully that will be soon, she sure doesn't seem to enjoy the other kids much either. She spent most of the playdate today sitting next to me or trying to get the other moms to watch her do her tricks. Now that I think about it, she didn't play in the playroom with the other kids at all...just her sister. Gosh, I hope I haven't passed it on to her.

I honestly think mine started years ago, in high school because I recall crying fits with my mom because I literally couldn't go places by myself. Other girls were being dropped off at the mall and I would practically break out in hives at the mere thought. Then I started drinking and that gave me super socializing powers. Now it's back to the "issues". Boooooo

Hugs to you. I hope you find something that works for you. Until now, avoidance has worked wonders for me but frankly, I think it's worse now having to re introduce myself to society and relearn how to interact with others.

ashtonsmama replied: I've not had it as bad as you have, Jess, but I do know what you're talking about. I used to be scared of meeting new people in high school and college, and really had to force myself to get out and not just stay within my own circle of friends and comfort.
Which was very hard, definitely.

Funny thing is, you are such a sweet, open, sensitive, social "butterfuly" ( ) on PC, I can't even FATHOM you being like that it person, but I know it's true.


Good luck sweetie. Sorry I can't help more. Definitely start chatting with your doc about it too.

Brias3 replied: I really can't relate to this in any way but DO want to offer my support, an ear and a !

Halo42101 replied: I just want to thank you all for your posts & want to say how great I think it is that you have all done what you did to get help or make it better for yourselves. I am really considering going on Paxil now since I have heard so many good things about it. As Amanda (ashtonsmama) mentioned, I am different on the PC but I have always been that way. I tend to express myself better through writing than in person. This could be apart of why that is too.

jcc64 replied: Good for you for bringing it up. The internet and this message board in particular are just a fabulous way to connect with people who are going through similiar experiences. Back when my first episodes started, the internet was in its infancy- it wasn't yet a viable resource for support or education. I had to seek out people irl that had these problems- and when I finally found someone who knew just how I was feeling- I was so relieved and grateful for the connection. Now it'a a whole new world. It's so much easier to find people in the same boat. (and trust me- it's a big boat).
Paxil is a great drug for anxiety disorders. Be aware that it will take some time to get some relief, though. It can take up to 6 wks of daily use before you may feel any differently- and the wait itself can be depressing and frustrating. Alot of people give up before they've given the meds a chance to work. Also be aware that there are some side effects- most noticeably a decrease in sexual desire- but that will diminish over time. In my experience, when my anxiety is out of control -the last thing I want to do is have sex anyway!
My advice is to take the lowest dose possible- and it may take a little trial and error to know what dosage is effective for you. But be patient- that's easier said than done when you feel anxious or depressed- but it's worth the wait.
Again, feel free to pm me with any specific questions. Lean on us.

MyLuvBugs replied: Ok, I just saw a clip-it of a show (I flip channels a lot ), and it made me start thinking about all of us with social anxiety stuff. This woman used to be a public speaker, up in the lime-light of huge crowds all the time. Then she got married, had kids, became a SAHM, yadda yadda yadda. Now...she can't hardly stand to be in front of anyone, and she attributes it to her self esteem becoming low over the years. They showed before and now pics of her, and it doesn't even look like the same lady.

Do you all feel like you don't want to be in large groups or out in public b/c of the way you feel about yourself? I sometimes do. I was so much more out going in HS and College, than now. Heck! I used to do public speaking in HS at tournaments and stuff, but now...the mere thought of it makes my stomach do flip flops. And I really think it's b/c I'm so self concious about how I look, feel, what others will think, etc......Does anyone else feel this way?

jcc64 replied: Actually, Erika, for me, it's the opposite. While I was socially adept and confident in high school, in college I started to lose my confidence, particularly in large group discussions. Part of that was a function of being an art student in academic classes- I felt under-qualified to voice my opinion in the presence of so many limelight grabbing brainiacs. I would rather take a hit on my participation grade than to have to speak up in class. I was petrified to give oral presentations or to have any attention focussed on me at all. Literally petrified.
Now, miraculously after turning 40, suddenly that sort of self consciousness just slipped away. I now realize that I am intelligent, well spoken, have a lot to contribute, and most importantly, could care less what anyone thinks of me anymore. People are either gonna like me or they're not, but I don't feel any obligation to earn anyone's respect, kwim? My mom once told me that the same thing happened to her at about the same age. It's one of the few blessings of getting older- maybe it's confidence, maybe it's just knowing who you are and what you're good at, but I no longer dread speaking up in public anymore. In fact, I've gotten pretty good at it. And trust me, if you knew what I was like even just a few years ago, you would be shocked at that statement.
So, take heed. While aging is cruel and unforgiving in many ways, this is one way getting older isn't so bad.

Jackie012007 replied: yes, I am very self-councious after what happened to me... how I look/what others will think... and I also used to be very outgoing and "popular" if you will in HS

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I wouldn't call what I have social anxiety, but more or less confrontational anxiety...which is odd because DH totally thinks I'm the confrontational one. After running my own childcare for a couple years though, I have learned to get over it. However, I notice when I am put on the spot, I can never think of the right words to say, which is very frustrating. I think that is normal for many though. I don't get nervous meeting others though, or going out of the house. If anything, the only thing that makes me nervous in those situations is when I do not know a single soul or few people, and the hubby leaves my side. I HATE that!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
You are in my prayers, that you will seek out or keep that personal relationship with God! It makes such a world of difference.