Snooping in a teenagers room .. - How many have done it?

Lizzie wrote: My oldest daughter 23 tells me everything about her life, from drinking, to partying, and just about everything, so I never worried. My son, 18 on the other hand, tells me just enough so he can get out of the house wihtout me calling a million times. My little one, 15 is a mixture of them both. I am beginning to get a little worried about my son, he is withdrawn from friends, only hanging around the girlfriend. Comes home, goes straight to his room, laptop and stero on and blasting. My younger daughter hangs around with the family for as little as possible, and then shes downstairs on the computer and on the phone for the night. On saturday nights kids are always sleeping over, usually her 3 best friends, (they basically switch weekends at whos house, friday and saturday they roate). But when the girls are over, its just up in their room. She shares a room wiht my oldest, but she is usually out with her firneds at a bar. I am beginning to wonder what goes on in my sons room, and occasionally wonder about my daughter. Shes clingly to me, whcih i posted before, but she still has a bit of a mature streak which worries me a little.

My friend suggested I go through their rooms when they arent home, I must admit I have been in my daughters room before, looking around for little things, but it was because of my oldest, around her senior year. I found pictures, I really didnt want to see. BUt my friend was like, its your house, their room is your room. I wanted to see your opinions on it. I am not sure how I feel about violating their personal space like that.

gr33n3y3z replied: I wouldnt do it but thats me
I always find out whats going on any way one way or the other

I would have to be in your shoes to see whats going on and what not
Sorry no help here

amymom replied: I do not sneak, but my 15 yr old son knows that everything is open for my inspection. Your biggest problem (IMO) since I have been there.... is the computers in places wherer you can not see them. I am assuming they have internet access. We have a no computers in the bedrooms policy. I have a laptop, but only I use it. The main computer is in a place where I can see what is on the screen at all times. For those times when I am unable to see the computer I am monitoring it. I have access to all chats, IMs and the good old hard on the young teens... MySpace.com. I give my son just enough privacy, but hopefully not too much. Oh and my 9yr old dd has the same rules. But no IM or myspace for her, & very limited internet access.

So, if you are asking would I sneak, the answer is no. But I think (can't tell for sure) I would ask more questions and maybe let them know you are concerned about the closed doors so it is time to open them. And I wouldn't allow private computer time Until they are out on their own.

MommyToAshley replied: I agree with Anne on the computer only in the open area of the home where you can monitor.

I don't have teens so I can't say for sure what I would do. I would hope that I wouldn't snoop. I would try talking to them and opening up the communication. It soudns like you had that kind of relationship with your oldest. Of course, this is coming from someone that doesn't have a teen...yet.

luvmykids replied: No teens yet but I would snoop under one condition: Not simply curiosity or slight concern but if I truly thought there were drugs or other problems that I simply had to know of.

I don't plan on allowing unrestricted/unsupervised access to phone/computer, etc but I do recognize that teens do need some space, freedom, and privacy. I'm hoping to achieve a balance, I like the idea of not snooping but having an unspoken rule that everything is up for inspection.

Sorry I'm no help, but I think if you as the parent who knows your children, have true cause for concern and snooping is honestly the only way to know exactly what you're dealing with, then yes, I would snoop.

toady_buckshot_noodle replied: I DO IT!!!

My oldest is 13 and I, luckily have a releationship with her in which she tells me most of what is going on in her life. But, yes I do occsionally go through her room. She uses instant messanger and yahoo and I have her passwords. The way I look at it is if she can't let me know about it then it shouldn't be going on. If she can not allow me the passwords then she loses access. I do not snoop or anything but I do periodically keep check on her.

Bee_Kay replied: No, I don't snoop in their rooms. So far, they haven't given me reason to. Occassionally, if some of my makeup is missing or something, then I go in there and look around for MY things, or if I need something from her room. She doesn't mind at all.

If I thought I had a legitimate reason to do so, then I probably would. My parents constantly snooped through my room and I hated it because I never gave them reason to do it.

On the computer, it is different. I have their passwords for their email and chat programs.
I told them that the computer is a priviledge and if they didn't want me knowing the passwords, then I have every right to conclude that they have something to hide.
They've never had a problem with me having them.

Boo&BugsMom replied: My mom always did it with me and my brother. Back then, I was totally ticked off. Looking back now, she had every reason and right to. If they have something to hide, then it's a parents job to find out. Nothing is private if it's under your roof. If they are hiding something, then it needs to be found, because if they were innocent, they wouldn't be hiding something in the first place. Just my two cents!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Totally agree! With all these predators and such out there you can never be too safe!

redchief replied: First off, no computers in the bedroom. We monitor the adolescents' computer use out of necessity.

I wouldn't snoop; I"m much to forward for that. If I suspected activity that I felt could harm them or get them arrested, I would demand entry and inspection. I believe adolescents need their privacy, so I wouldn't go into their room unless I had a very strong feeling that something wasn't right.

mammag replied: I wouldn't unless under the most dire of circumstances and then I'd probably be more like Ed and say something like, if you're not going to tell me what's going on with you, I'm going to go through your room right now and find out.

My mil recently read Kristen's diary when we were having issues with her. I was so mad. I told Kristen that she needed to put them somewhere safe so she can't do that anymore. I think it's important for a kid to be able to keep a journal of their personal thoughts. Having a mom that went through everything, I could not do that to my own kids.

redchief replied:
ITA... That was an unreasonable invasion of privacy.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I wouldn't "snoop" - they would know ahead of time.

Seriously... like someone sais... if they won't tell me about it, then likely it shouldn't even be going on...

Ashlynn's Mommy replied:

BilCon32 replied: I have a 20 year old & yes I did snoop. These days you have to be careful.
You are the parent & that is your home & your job to amke sure your kids do right. Just be careful when you are going through things. My son & I are very close but kids pressure kids & no matter how close things are between you it can happen. My son is a very good kid. I did find out that he has trying cigarettes. Just be careful so they will not know.

Best wishes
BJ

maddie223 replied: I am very against snooping. It invades people's privacy and privacy is important for each person, even if the person is related to you.

maddie223 replied:
being mature shouldnt be seen as a bad thing.

Just because they arent telling you some stuff about partying and things, doesnt mean there is something going on. But dont get me wrong, there may very well be something going on! i say talk to them about it if nes.

hawkshoe replied: My oldest is 12 and I have not yet felt the need to snoop. However, I certainly will go through his room and things if I ever even suspect anything. My kids know that their rooms/stuff is not off limits to me.

I do also agree with the others that under no circumstances will my kids have a computer with internet access in their rooms. As of right now, my son is not allowed to go in chat rooms, or IM anyone. He does have e-mail that I check regularly. I also have to approve all internet sites he goes on and have had talks with him about preditors on the net and giving out information to anyone. He knows that if I ever catch him "clicking off" of something when I walk past, he will lose his computer priveleges.