Sleeping issues with baby - Baby sleeping issues
mike wrote: Ok - I am at wits end and so I'm checking to see if it's just me or what. I am the father of 3 girls ages 12, 7, and 19 months, married to a wonderful woman. We practice attachment parenting and in such do not let our baby cry herself to sleep..never have. The baby is wonderful; however, this is my first baby...and my wife and I have only been married 2.5 years. I just spent the last 2 hours getting the baby down to sleep and when I went to leave the room, she sprang right up and let out a cry, etc...so I waited longer and tried to leave again and she sits right up and begins to cry. I finally asked my wife to come in and try. So my wife is now in there and brought all her blankets so she can just sleep in with baby tonight. It generally takes 1 hour plus to get the baby down at night and then after we're out of the room, the baby generally wakes up in an hour or so and we have to go back in and get her back down. She rarely sleeps through the night by herself. As you've probably gathered she doesn;t sleep in a crib, but a queen sized mattress on the floor...she has always hated the crib. To this day, the baby can't nap without napping with one of us. On weekends when I am at home, the baby takes a 2 hour nap in the morning and then in the afternoon each day. by the end of the weekend I have spend about 8 hours napping with the baby (or else she won't nap) and have spend anywhere from 1-3.5 hours putting her to sleep...then she'll inevitably wake up. She'll hardly even nap for my wife during the week. We have no romance anymore, I don't even get excited for sex, because everytime we try the baby wakes up...my wife said today she wanted to make love last night and I said oh I thought you were too tired, she said, well let's try tonight..I said, ok, but don't mind me if I don't get my hopes up about it since the baby will wake up or take forever to put down anyways. Case in point tonight...I started at 8:30 tonight trying to put her down and my wife came in to take over about 10:40. Our baby is like type A...just goes, goes, goes. Anyone else I talk to, there baby has been sleeping sound forever, etc...the only parents I know whose babies don;t sleep well are the couples we know who practice attachment parenting. Don't get me wrong, I love the principles of attachment parenting and don't want to let my baby cry it out, but I am tired of having no life and am getting quite resentful. My wife feels it too, but when she gets frustrated says we need to cherish this time because she will grow and it will pass..nevertheless she wants more time together and would love it if the baby napped on her own, etc...sorry so long, but what in the world are we doing wrong!? Today I spent 4.5 hours napping with or putting the baby down to bed...I am just getting tired of it. I can't get anything done around the house, my wife and I have no time together...I was like this when the baby was 6 months...and then got better, but again I am just getting resentful. Does anyone have any suggestions! Thanks! From a dad who truly loves his baby, but misses the time I once had with the older girls and my wife...I really think the baby should be able to nap on her own and sleep more consistently, but we've tried everything and am just at wits end...
maestra replied: You are describing Jaci for the first 10 months! She would only sleep if on one of us! Then, when she would sleep in the crib, it would be during the day! Forget time for intimacy, it just didn't happen. Then, just last week, she started sleeping through the night. So rather than offer you suggestions that might not work, I can just tell you that I totally relate, and that at some point, it will get better!
to you and your wife!
CantWait replied: I know what you mean by resentful. I think in some ways my dh is. Our newest little angel doesn't like to take a nap without me by his side either, and all he does is cry unless he's being held, and not by my dh but by me. I have no advice for you, just hope that everyone else has got some words of wisdom, we have a great bunch here and usually some great advice. Good Luck, and please remember (as I'm trying to), it doesn't last forever and that romance will come back. That's what I'm telling myself. Also feel free to register, we love having new members and especially dads to the board.
paradisemommy replied: you have pretty much described my son with just a little variation. my ds is 17 mos. and hasn't slept in his crib since about 8 to 9 mos. old. he has been in our bed ever since and i can totally relate with your feelings. have you tried bringing her in your bed? sometimes i think they just need to feel someone next to them. taven is down to only one nap, in the morning/afternoon and he'll sleep for a couple hours. he'll sleep by himself but not as long as if i was to lay down with him. have you tried propping pillows up against her so it maybe feels like someone is there???
taven doesn't sleep through the night either - he'll get up once or twice but i'm still breastfeeding so he'll just eat and then go back down. do you know why she is waking up? is it because she doesn't like being alone? or is she hungry? do you feed her when she gets up?
i wish i could help you more - i'm kinda in the same boat and this is my first also so i'm not the best for advice..but i can offer you some more hugs... i'm hoping that this is a phase and that he'll grow out of it but at the same time, i'm enjoying our snuggling time because i know he's not gonna be small for very long. i hope you can get some other suggestions and that you continue to post to this board. there's lots of btdt mom's here!!! good luck!!
Jamison'smama replied: Wow, I also wish I could offer some helpful advice but I guess I need some myself. You are describing many things about Jamison as well. Sometimes it takes FOREVER to get her to sleep and I want to pull my hair out. We have her in our bed as it is just easier for us--We sometimes turn over and "pretend to be asleep" to get her to lay down--we did this last night in fact. Sometimes she wimpers a little but since we are right there, I don't consider this crying it out at all. I will reach out and pat her and then turn back over. This works better when she is in a good mood but sleepy. I also put closed caption on my television and watch it when she is trying to get to sleep---that way I can finally catch up on my shows. I have been known to let her stay up late just because I can't handle laying in bed any longer.
Lately I have tried to really stick with our bedtime routine and let her know that she is expected to go to bed at a certain time. I recently talked with a parenting instructor about this---she mentioned that sometimes we start our bedtime too late and we are missing their prime going-to-sleep window and they catch a second wind. I think I need to be more perceptive and try to see when that window is for Jamison. She also said to look at what we are doing a couple of hours before they go to bed--are they all calm activities--does a bath wake them up and get them ready to play--or would it calm them down?
Napping used to be hard but I have done a couple of things to get her to sleep alone. The sneaking away part was the hardest so I started napping her on a blanket on the floor in the living room. I found I could sneak away easier there since the floor doesn't move like the bed does. Then I can get a few things done while she is sleeping. I also nap her in the car sometimes. I run errands and then I have occasionally left her in the car while I straightened the garage or raked the leaves etc. --ANYTHING to get her to nap.
Good luck to you, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this---many of us are frustrated parents who hear about all the other parents who kiss their kids goodnight and leave the room and their angels sleep until morning---not in my house.
DansMom replied: We practice attachment parenting too and I have also noticed that other people (non-AP parents) always seem surprised that Daniel doesn't sleep through the night. He's 13 months old, and he sleeps in our bed, and he was up about 7 times last night (it was a bad night---usually 3 times is a good night). I agree that non-AP parents seem much more well-rested! At the same time, I think we've chosen a parenting style that fits our personality and goals. Certainly it has impacted our romantic opportunities also---when Daniel first goes to bed at night he's good for an hour to two hours of sound sleep, so we have to use that time wisely. If we don't hit that window, we can forget about it unless we take him to a babysitter. And you have to make yourself be in the mood when opportunity knocks, and be half-listening for that little voice in the other room to start wailing. I know what you mean! My husband is starting to complain and be resentful as well.
During the day, if Daniel doesn't want to nap, I don't work at it. That just makes me feel angry and frustrated. Instead, I let him run around and play with him until he's really pooped. This gives us just one nap a day, in the afternoon, but it tends to be a long one---2 hours on average.
I don't have much advice---maybe try reducing nap times so that she is more tired when nap time comes? I'm not sure. Every baby is so different.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: I don't practice AP to a *T*...but I do some aspects of it. Sleeping with us was just too uncomfortable with my belly getting bigger with this baby (she's 5 days old) so we just had to practice a little tough llove....
Have you considered giving your girls (especially the 12 year old one) a few dollars a week to try to lay down with her a few nights a week?
It could give her some practice with dealing with a *testy* child, AND give you at least an hour of time to yourselves... I hope.
Kaitlin'smom replied: wheeeww the only advice I have for you is try making a routine and stick with it for at least 2 weeks. I had to do this before I went back to work, it was fustrating at first but after a while it was great now we can divert a little from it. as for the naps if she does not want to nap in the am dont worry about it just stick with trying to do one in the afternoon, she is old enogh that she might be better with just one in the afternoon. I hope you can find something that can help you and work, it will take time. Lots of luck!
Oh and welcome to the board!
ediep replied: Hi and welcome....
I don't have much advice because I don't practice AP, but I do agree with routine, routine, routine!!! Every night we have dinner about 6/6:30, then Jason goes up for his bath, PJ's, then by 8/8:30 I take him up to his room, dim the lights, put on the same lullabye cd, sit in rocking chair and give him his bottle of milk. We say prayers,, and cuddle a bit. When he is finished, I rock him a few minutes then put him in his crib awake. He usually just plays a few minutes then goes to sleep. Jason does usually sleep through the night.
Anyway.....my point being......even if this isn't your style of a bedtime routine, I do think that a routine may help.
Good Luck and keep us posted
MommyToAshley replied: Hi Mike and welcome!
I think we have all been there...or are still there. My DD didn't start sleeping well at night until around 9 months when we night weaned her. I have to agree with everyone on the routine, we've always done that. But the one thing that helped my DD sleep through the night was our plan to night wean.
One thing that stuck out to me in your post -- the number of naps your 19 month old takes during the day. My DD went down to just one nap a day at around 12 months. She usually only naps for about an hour...sometimes less and sometimes a little more. And, then she sleeps about 12 hours at night. Maybe your DD is napping too much during the day so she is not tired at night? Just a thought.
Hang in there... I am sure things will get better. THey are only young once.... try to remember that.
It was nice to meet you and I hope you stick around.
kit_kats_mom replied: Hello and welcome! My dh and I practice ap for the most part with our 16 month old dd. We co-sleep and have just recently night weaned her (from 11-5am). She has always been a horrible sleeper and an awful self soother & I (and probably my DH) can totally relate to what you are going through. One thing that really helped us was an idea that I took from Elizabeth Pantley's book "the no cry sleep solution". We started putting her down way earlierthan we had been, our bedtime routine starts at 7 & she is generally snoozing by 8. That way we at least get about 2 hours per night before she wakes up. Maybe that will help? I really reccomend the book. Even if you don't implement everything and get a "dream sleeper", it helped me to understand why she is such a poor sleeper and some things that I could do to help her sleep better.
alice&arik replied: Ok I feel like a moron, but what is Attachment Parenting? I don't think I have ever heard of it, or maybe it is just called something else?
I had a few problems with Arik getting to sleep. I guess I let him cry for a little while to try to get himself back to sleep...he is 17 months old. He sleeps through the night 95% of the time, and he still takes a morning and afternoon nap, and I don't have a problem with getting him to nap, I tell him, time for bed, then I say nite nite and he repeats it, then runs into his room. I also tell him he is a big boy and big boys need naps. I guess I like to promote independence and I think he needs to put himself back to sleep. Every so often he will sleep with me, if he is too whiny or had a bad day.
I agree to start a routine and stick with it, when Arik started a pattern when he wouldn't sleep in his crib I just decided he needed to put himself to sleep in his crib. I don't let him cry for more than 15 or 20 minutes though. Depends on how bad he is crying or if he had a nightmare then I will go comfort him right away. I just think once they get away with something then they have you wooped.
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