Should I question my sitter... - should she hit...

KingMom wrote: my son. I dropped him off this morning and he was getting into everything before I even got out the door. She said yesterday he kept doing something over and over and she had told him NO many times, finally she said she went over and smacked his hand, not hard though. She said he pouted out and she told him in a nice voice "well I told her NO" and she said once she said that in a nice voice he carried on didn't cry. Should I tell her not to touch my son like that even if it didn't hurt him. I don't smack his hand, I'm just persistent and won't let him do whatever it is, even if he gets mad.

What would you do?

Debra replied: I personally would pull my child out. I am a firm believer in no hitting & I expect anyone who cares for my children to respect & not discipline my child(ren) in that manner. If thye can not abide by my wishes, then I will find someone who can.

I'm sorry to hear you are in this predicament & I hope you are able tor esolve it quickly!

My2Beauties replied: I don't think anyone should put their hands on your child unless you have told them it's ok to do so, which I don't want anyone doing it to mine. I only spank Hanna as a last resort, and it's just a small swat on the behind with her diaper on, I never hit to hurt and most of the time she thinks it's funny and keeps doing what she is doing. From a DCP I think that is totally unaccetable!

KingMom replied: the thing is it's a friend of mine and she only keeps my son and her daughter. I know she wasn't meaning to hurt him and didn't but still I have never told her she has permission to discipline him that way, he is only 1 and just barely! I'm not sure how to approach the conversation with her.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: No way. I wouldn't allow it. You can either tell her that you you don't discipline your child this way, so she shouldn't either. Hopefully she will respect your wishes. Or just pull him out. Sorry it happened.

ilovemybaby replied: Maybe you can just politely tell her you don't want her to do that and ask her if she can use time out or something.... I guess he is still too young for time outs though.

ammommy replied: He's only 1? At this age, redirection and great childproofing are the only things that work. I would tell her that you don't want her tapping your son at all. If she does it again, it's time to find other childcare.

amymom replied:
Since you haven't had the conversation yet, I would bring it up tomorrow. Tell her, "I have been thinking about what you told me about him misbehaving and you had to swat his hand. I really would prefer that you not do that. I understand that you may do that with your dd, but we would prefer that you not it again to him." I think that if you keep the conversation, a friendly conversation then it will be no big deal. As long as you trust her in every other way, I think this is just something you haven't talked about yet. So now's the time. Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

jcc64 replied:

I guess I would be a little more emphatic- "prefer" is too weak a word, imo. I've always made it very clear with anyone who is/has watched my children that "at no time whatsoever is it acceptable to me that my child be disciplined physically." You can be as polite as you want to be, but make sure there is no confusion about what is or isn't acceptable to you. This should always be discussed beforehand, even if it seems premature or silly b/c the child is so young. Everyone needs to be on the same page- a consistent routine is what's most effective- whether or not she's a family friend is entirely beside the point.
Good luck, and stand your ground.

CantWait replied: Whether it is your friend or not, at the very least if you don't want her to "tap" his hand, then you should let her know that it's unacceptable in my house, and therefore it's unacceptable for her to do it to your son in hers. She should know from having kids herself that childproofing is the only way to keep children out of the things you don't want them in. If he's getting into that much stuff, maybe she's not doing enough hiim throughout the day. I hope you're able to get this resolved. But like the above person said, don't use prefer, this just means that you can if this this or this doesn't work first. Good luck.

my2monkeyboys replied: I agree totally. Although I do use spanking as part of discipline, if I were keeping someone else's child I would not do anything they don't want done. I'm sure if you are friends, then she would be happy to do things as you want them done. She probably just assumes her way is your way, too. As long as you keep the talk respectful and not angry or judgemental, then I'm sure it will all work out fine. If however you find out she does it again, then I'd remove him.
Good luck!!!

MM'sMama replied: I'm sorry but if were me I would dang well make sure she knew to never EVER touch my child in that manner EVER AGAIN! No child should be disciplined in a form the parents wouldn't and don't use. Not to metion I don't think anyone should discipline a child that is not there's in that way anyway. I would probably pull him out but that's just me. I would absolutely say something and ASAP!

KingMom replied: Well, my hubby's off for the next 4 days so he won't go back until Monday or Tuesday, I'll have to say something then. We usually talk the night before to confirm what she needs (diapers, wipes, food, etc.) so I think that will be the perfect time to bring it up. I really don't think she ever disciplined her child in this manner at his age.

Her daughter is 3, still sleeps in her parents bed, still wakes them 2-3 times a night for milk, and is not fully potty trained! Not saying there is anything wrong with that, just wanted to show how much she babies her daughter and how that tells me she never really disciplines her much, she just can't say no to her.

I think she will listen when I tell her that I'd like her not to discipline him this way, I really add his age in, I don't ever think she did this to her daughter when she was 1.

Well see, I'll let you all know how it goes next week. thanks for all you input.

mom2tripp replied: Wow I can't believe she did that Whitney! Even if it was just a light smack I would be really pissed Please let us know what she says!!!

b&bsmom replied: I am with everyone who says to talk to her about it. It seems there has been no mention. I agree she shouldn't have done that although I can see how it can happen. I take care of children at home and when they are getting into everything sometimes you just don't know what to do. I have done that to my own children when they are getting ready to stick something in a light socket but never to other peoples children. However, with that said if he isn't one yet he doesn't understand and redirection is what works. When you do have your talk I would say things like I have been thinking about it and would rather you not do that kind of discipline because that isn't how we handle things. Just make sure you don't put her into a defensive kinda mode because then there can be resentment and it just gets ugly. I would talk to her and if she is your friend she will understand. Good Luck!!