Saw my grandmother on Easter

Maddie&EthansMom wrote: As you know, she is living with my parents now. And My brother, the kids and I all went up there for Easter to attend church with my mom. Scotty stayed home sick.

Anyway, I walked in my grandmother's room (my old bedroom) and she was sitting in her chair. She didn't recognize me and wouldn't hug me or anything...even when I hugged her. But as soon as my brother walked in she said "Well, Jody!" she stood up and hugged him. She kept asking me who my mother was..she doesn't know my mother either (her own daughter), but she knows all the men in the family.

I'm trying not to let this bother me. I've never been as close to her as my brothers were. I can kind of understand how she wouldn't know me. But not knowing my mother. It's hard. It's so difficult to see her like this. She's 94, healthy and was always so sharp. I got the same 5 questions all day long. I was kind of glad my brother was with me on the way home b/c I probably would have cried the entire way and that's not good for the kids to see.

I'm really struggling right now with a lot of family issues. I don't know if it's PMS or what, but I'm kind of sad today. I don't feel like celebrating my birthday at all and when I told Scotty it hurt his feelings b/c he really wanted to take me to eat and do something special. I just told him I didn't feel good. It's the truth...I really don't, but I told him we would still go somewhere.

My mother called me today. You may all remember me telling you about my brothers and their problems and how wrapped up my mom gets in their lives. She can't think of anything else. I get pushed aside b/c I don't have problems, b/c I'm not 'needy'. I know my mother loves me, but she does so much for other people that will never appreciate it. For the past few years she has forgotten my birthday. Today she called me asking me for my address. I've lived here 5 YEARS. She said "I'm getting your birthday card out today...better late than never right?" I just grumbled and told her I had to cook lunch for the kids. I was just there on Sunday. She is well known for giving my brothers parties when the entire family is there close to their birthdays. She didn't even acknowlege my birthday. I sound like a child, but this happens way too often. She just had a party for my SIL...made her a cake, took her to eat, gave her gift cards to 3 different places, bought her thoughtful gifts and my card is mailed out LATE and she asks me "What do you want for your birthday" IMO if she cared enough about me she would know what I want and know my interests. I don't want anything for my birthday. I'm 29 years old. I dont' even want a party, but if she is going to do it for everyone else just b/c they are on drugs and need the attention then why can't she do it for me?? It's not just birthdays..it's everything. I always come last, my kids come last and I'm tired of it. She doesn't even listen to me when I try to talk to her.

I feel like I don't even know my mother anymore. We used to be so close and I feel like she could care less about me b/c I'm not right there under her wing like the rest of them.

Sorry this got so long...I know I"m being a big baby today.

C&K*s Mommie replied: No, Aimee you are not being a baby at all. Feeling rejected is so very hard, esp if the souce is your own mother. My heart breaks for you, I am so inceredibly sorry that you are being put through the wringer of emotions while she has you on the back burner compared to others.


I am glad that you were able to see your Gma, and I am sorry that she is not responsive to you. But surely she is, in her heart, but her mind.....

My heart still weeps for you, and if I could I would offer HUGE hugs, but know that I am praying for you and your mother to recconect as mother and daughter.

Bee_Kay replied: Aimee. There is absolutely no need for an apology. You have every right to feel what you feel. No matter what your age is, you are still that womans daughter and you should be treated as so.
I do know what you must feel right. I have been there with both of my parents throughout my whole life. I haven't shared too much of my upbringing because it is filled with sadness and dysfunction.
But, as far as you feeling emotionally kicked to the curb, I again will say you have every right to feel that way.
Some moms just amaze (and sadden) me. At what age does a daughter stop being a daughter? I promised myself when I first got pregnant that my children would be my chlidren no matter how old they are, no matter where they are in life, no matter if they are angry at me (my sd if a prime example)

I can't think of any advice except have you tried talking to your mom about this?

BAC'sMom replied: No I don’t think you are being a baby. It doesn’t matter how old we get we still need to know that our parents care and love us no matter what. I am sorry she has hurt your feeling and has put you on the back burner if you will. Have you tried to talk to her about how you feel?

luvmykids replied: I'm so sorry Aimee! For all of it!

It sucks when you're the "good girl" it seems like you get forgotten and others get rewarded for their bad behaviour. Not fair!

And I would be very hurt with my mom too, you have every right to expect more from her period, but especially because she does do it for everyone else.

And I'm so sorry about your gma, that must be so painful to watch an otherwise healthy person losing it mentally.

Boys r us replied: Ahhh..Aimee I can imagine how hard that is, I know you've talked about how you are left out simply b/c you aren't the needy one in the family! It doesn't matter how old you are, it still hurts. You're not being a baby at all!

As for your grandmother, I understand your pain, my grandma has alzheimer's and she hasn't known who I am for YEARS and that causes a world of pain for me b/c she and I had always been so close!

A&A'smommy replied: UGH Amiee that really isn't fair and its wrong for her not to remember you the way she does the others.. I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt, I hope that you can enjoy your birthday anyway!!!

ashtonsmama replied:

You have every right to those feelings Aimee! Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way...I have issues with my own mom, I think almost every woman does at least a little, but some are just harder to deal with than others...I know where you are right now, and it's not a fun place to be. We're here for you, hun, please know that, and vent anytime you need. We're here for you. I'm sorry your relationship with her isn't the best right now, I hope that changes very soon.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Thanks for the hugs y'all.

Several of you asked if I've spoken with my mother about my feelings. My mother is well aware of my feelings. She even knows that she does this. She just chooses not to change. She will forever enable my brothers. She has to take my grandmother's place She loves to make excuses to me about why I'm forgotten. Of course she has a lot going on right now. That will never change. She's always overwhelmed and has too much on her plate. She has her own daycare and she is constantly doing things for those children there.

My SIL works for her and she is a great help. I suppose she's the daughter mother always wanted. I've never been one to help out a lot and I moved away from her. I feel like she holds that against me. When I go see her she pretty much stays on the phone with SIL the entire time I'm there or invites her everywhere we go I don't like my SIL at all. Not just b/c she follows my mother around like a puppy and interrupts our every conversation, but I don't think she is a very nice person and creates a horrible home environment for my nephew.

Normally when I'm home I just sit back and watch. I'm not going to fight for my mother's attention. I have a great family here. A wonderful husband that more than makes up for that attention I'm not getting from her. He really resents them for the way I'm treated as well. She is just pushing me further and further away. While she knows what she is doing, whenever I confront her, she denies it. I know I'm my mother's favorite in her heart...b/c I"ve never caused problems for her, but she still doesn't give me what I need. I suppose we never stop needing our moms do we? And maybe this wouldn't bother me so much if we didn't have a good relationship to begin with, but we did. I guess I just miss it.

luvmykids replied:
Aimee my mom went through a lot of that when my gpa died, she's the only one that moved away and all the SIL's were "there" for gma more than my mom could be and it really hurts her that they've kind of sort of in a nice roundabout way made it clear that she's not "needed".

I know that doesn't help any but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I completely feel for you when it comes to your grandmother. That is how my grandfather was for the last year or so. One time he told me he was going to call the cops on me for stealing Brooke b/c he knew who she was but not me - I bawled the whole way home. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk, I have BTDT and know how difficult the situation is.

As for your mother, I can't offer much advice there - just more .

CosmetologyMommy replied: I know how it is. My great uncle has alheimzers and it hurts. He used to always laugh and tease me and call me nicknames. Now he cannot even talk. He just sits there and points. As for ur mom, that would hurt me too. It would make me feel like she puts me on the backburner. I hope things get better.

CantWait replied: Aimee I'm so sorry. Ron's parents are the same way. Their excuse, or reason behind it is that he knows that Ron can take care of himself and he's done well for himself and his family and therefore they don't need to provide or worry about us. It really does suck sometimes, and it's not even my parents. Sorry to hear about your grandma, but I'm glad you were able to see her.