Rude or Not

mckayleesmom wrote: Ok...Im reading PARENTS magazine and this question was on the Q&A page....I don't agree with the answer that was given...I think its rude....Maybe its just me....


Question

About six months ago, I gave our neighbors some of my old baby gear and furiture when they had their newborn. Now I'm unexpectedly pregnant again, and I need the crib, high chair, and stroller. Is it rude to ask for them back?


Response

Not at all. In fact, you were generous to help your neighbors out in the first place. Of course, your gift turned out to be a loan, but it wouldn't make sense for you to have to buy replacement baby gear. Your neighbors will surely understand the situation. Just say, "Im pregnant again! I'm sorry, but I'll need the crib, high chair, and stroller back. The baby's due in June , so it would be great if you could return them to me by the end of May." If you know of other potential sourses of used baby gear, such as mutual friends, seconhand baby stores or internet sites, let your neighbors know.



Brianne's Opionion.

If she gave it to them...it would be rude of her to ask for it back. It would be acceptable for her to nicely ask if she can have the stuff back if they won't be using it at that time, but not to demand it back. If I gave stuff away to people and got pregnant again...I might say to my friend "Hey...if little billy is in a big boy bed by then,,can I get my crib back for the new baby?".....but I would never demand the stuff back, because technically its not mine anymore..I GAVE it to them.

A&A'smommy replied: I don't think its rude but I like your way of asking for it back better!

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I am like you I would not demand it back. I would ask if they were done using any of it and hope that I could get some back.

SOUTHERN MOMMY replied: Yes that is rude Now if it were borrowed that would be differant. THIS is why you keep it until you are SURE not to need it anymore.

Boys r us replied: I would think that would be rude to ask for it back also!!!

however, if I were in a tight spot and didn't want to go buy new baby stuff, I would mention to her that I was pregnant and HOPE she'd offer to give it back. But if she didn't..then so be it!
But I like to shop TOO much..so unless money was tight, I wouldn't even want it back! LOL

mom21kid2dogs replied: Given loads of unexpected things can happen in life, I wouldn't be offended at all or consider it rude if someone needed it back for that reason. I do agree, however, that it would need to be framed a little less demanding than what the response was in Parents mag. I certainly wouldn't see it as an entitlement to get it back but if the situation was reversed, I would likely feel badly if the person felt I was so unapproachable that they could share their good news and ask that I return what I am done with (or could get elsewhere).

mckayleesmom replied: For the record....I think its ok to ask if you can have it back once they are through with it...bla bla bla, but I just didn't like how the columist made it sound like she should demand it back and she had a right too......kwim? There is just a more tactful approach.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Okay, I could never see myself asking anyone to return something I gave them...especially the way they worded it in the mag.

However, putting myself on the flipside of this and had I been the one to borrow the items from a friend and she needed them back, I wouldn't hesitate to give them back or think anything of her for asking...no matter how she asked. Not really sure I'd think to give them back to her without her asking, either.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Their way of asking for it back sounds very rude to me. I might ask for the stuff back IF they weren't using it anymore, but I would ask more in the way you put it and not make it sound like "Hey give me my stuff back"

coasterqueen replied: It's rude if she gave the items to the neighbor not saying that she would like them back one day when she has more kids. It's not rude if she did let them know she would like them back one day.

amynicole21 replied: I would hope that she would ask nicely! But I don't think it's rude to ask for them back.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: If she gave it to them, then she gave it to them.

If she gave it to them with the understanding that she'd like it back if she gets pg again.... then it's only right to tell them you're going to be needing it then...if they're through with it.

Then again, some people have their kids in cribs until they're like 3!!

kimberley replied: i think it is rude to DEMAND anything. there is always a polite way to ask for things. i see nothing wrong with them asking for the stuff back if the other people are not using it anymore tho. plus, most babies don't need a stroller or high chair for a long time and likely that would be after they are done with it.

luvbug00 replied: I'd thaink about what i needed the most. I'd ask but I wouldn't demamd and if they said no then that's fine.

ediep replied: thats so funny that you posted that....I read that to my Dh the other day, we both agreed...no way, its completely rude to ask for the stuff back

MyLuvBugs replied:
I agree. I don't think the magazine response was "rude" technically, but they could have said it a whole heck of a lot better. Demanding it back is dumb and kinda tacky. Also, you're right that she GAVE it away to them, so it's not hers and why can't she just go to a garage sale and get new used stuff for real cheap?

3xsthefun replied: I think it is rude how the mag worded it.

I think if she asks nicely for the stuff back, then that is ok.

redchief replied: Brianne, I definitely like your way of requesting the items back better than the OBTW demand the "expert" put forth. I think your way would be noninjurious and much more community minded.

beautifullychaotic replied: I find it a smidgeon rude. I would never ask for anything back that I gave someone. But thats just me.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think it depends whether you told your neighbor she could "borrow" the items when you gave them to her or said she can "have" them. Borrow to me means I get them back when they are finished with them, or when I ask for them back. IMO, we're all adults and should understand that if I do you a favor (lowning you my furniture), you do me a favor by returning them when or if I need them. Money is tight for everyone, so I certainly wouldn't find it rude at all if a friend asked me for her stuff back. It would be rude to demand anything, but I guess I didn't get this sense of demand from the article. There are plenty of things that I have lowned out to friends to never see again! I actually think it is more rude of me if I keep my mouth shut for months only to pretend like it doesn't bother me someone has my stuff! KWIM?

You can be straightforward without being rude. I need to learn how to be more like this myself.

ions_momma replied: I agree with Nicole, I would mention to them that I am pregnant, and just hope they offer to give it back. I think it would be kind of rude to ask for it back, and especially to demand it back. Since they are more than likely still using it, they might not be able to afford all new items so they might want to keep them and asking for it back might put them in a tough situation.

massagemommy replied: I think it's breathtakingly rude. You can't ask to have them "back" -- they were given! If the people who gave me baby items asked for them "back" at this point I would be mortified on my own behalf and on theirs. Either I am using them or they we have finished with them and they have been sent to the consignment store (we're not big packrats), so the items would be unavailable anyway, but how embarassing for the receiver to be put in that position. If asked I would either feel obligated to give them (and then resent having to buy replacements), or would have to politely refuse and then hope the giver didn't feel I was being unreasonable. Mentioning the pregnancy is one thing but oh my goodness -- especially when their baby is only 6 months old.