Raising your children.... - as opposed to how you were raised

Bee_Kay wrote: My friend (of over 20 years) and I were talking about this .... and she made the comment that she can't believe how my DH and I are capable of raising our children completely opposite of how he and I were raised. (We were raised VERY similar)

How do you (or plan to) raise your children differently than you were raised? My DH and I decided when I first got PG that we would raise our children WAY different than how we were raised.

How I am raising my children differently than how I was raised, I'll list:

** I don't drink (or get drunk) around my children.

** When I was younger, my SB did something terrible to me... and when my dad and stepmom found out, they didn't believe it.

** I make sure my children can come to me with ANYTHING!

** I openly give my children trust and that trust is taken only with reason

** I take a HUGE interest in their lives and participate also (friends, school, activities, homelife, ect)

** I allow them to openly cry when they need/want to and don't call them names when they need to release.

** When they come to me, I have never told them to "shut up" or made them feel that they have to hide their feelings.

** I encourage my children to do well in school and reward them for effort.

** Besides being their "mom" I have found that I am capable of walking that fine line of being their "mom" and their "friend".

C&K*s Mommie replied: The only obvious difference with me is that I am the SAHP, as opposed to my mother & father working. My mother can never simply sit down she has to be on the go all the time, so I completely understand.

Other than that, I think my childhood with my parents parallels our raising the girls now. I cannot remember much, but from what I do it is the same, and I plan to leave it the same.

TheOaf66 replied: not argue in front of them

try not to yell

be involved in their activities

luvbug00 replied: My parents were stricked and old fashioned.
I am leient and non censoring. I probaly will not do many things they did. .

JP&KJMOM replied: My parents were strict in some ways and laid back in others. I do feel I don't always have the patience that my mom had with me but all in all we mostly are about the same.

aspenblue1 replied: I am definately not as strict as my mother was.

CantWait replied: You know, when I think about it. I don't think I'm raising my kids any differently. The only thing I do is put their needs first which sometimes I think my mom lacked.

luvmykids replied: I hate to admit it but the only differences I think are bad ones!

**I have way less patience than my mom did
**My kids don't get the one on one that I did (I was an only child)

I guess thats about it, I find more and more that I'm like my parents and value the same things that they did when they were raising me.

groovy_mommy replied: Well, I believe that my parents have done a great job in raising me. I've been trying to copycat their rules but it doesn't always seem to work! Not because my groovy girl is hard to handle but mabe because they're just more angelic than I am. I'M JUST A HUMAN BEING...

Nina J replied: Dh and I raise our kids very differently from how we were both raised. We were bought up much the same aswell.

The most dramatic difference between the way DH and I were raised and the way we are raising out children is sex is never a taboo subject, no matter what age the kids ask. If they ask at 2, they shouldn't be denied knowledge. We explain it so a child would understand, not like you would explain to an adult, KWIM?

Also, we want our kids to be able to tell us anything, knowing they will not be judged by us.

We respect our children and their opinions. What they have to say is extremly important to us, because they are people. Odessa can't speak yet, but when she does talk her opinions, no matter how childish, will be considered. When we painted, we listened to Emily's opinions about what colors, etc. We didn't just ignore them because she's only 2.

We tell our kids the truth, because DH and I were both often lied too. DH still remembers his mother having a miscarriage at around 20 weeks, and when he asked where the baby went, his parents told him there never was a baby, they made a mistake. The baby died, and death is a part of life, so we both agree it shouldn't be something that's hidden if it comes up.

We don't spank our children, we arn't against it, we just both have bad memories of being spanked as children and we don't want our kids to grow up with the memories we have.

There's alot more, but those are the major differences. I think the biggest compliment I could get would be if Emily and Odessa have kids and raise them like they were. But, to each their own, so I'll just have to wait and see

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: I definately am raising them opposite of how my parents raised me!! I'm involved in their lives in every way possible, I am very much involved with Cynthia's schooling. I'm very, very strict on her going out, and who she plays with. My father was an alcoholic (is) I don't allow that stuff in my house. My S/O drinks beer once in a while, and when he does we always make sure she is in bed.

DVFlyer replied: I don't remember too much about my childhood so I don't know really "how" my parents raised me, but I don't really remember my dad being "loving" with us. Not that he was mean or distant, by any means, but I am going to try and give my kids extra hugs/ kisses "just because".

Who knows what impact it will have, but that's one thing I've decided to do.

moped replied: Actually I am more strict with jack than my mom was with us....................

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think the only way I differ from my mom is that I'm far less naive than she or my dad. Also, neither of them liked discipline or confrontation...this had a lot to do with their being naive. They are very trusting people, very laid back, hippie types, pushovers if you will.

But it goes without saying that they were fantastic, loving, caring, supportive parents and they still are. There were 4 of us very close in age, they were very young parents and did the best they could. If anyone were to tell me I was anything like either of them, I'd take it as a compliment!