Question of SAHM's and WAHM's..... - maybe a little bit of a rant too....
MyLuvBugs wrote: Do your hubby's or SO's ever feel like you don't do anything or don't do enough around the house?
Dh made a comment last night that he'd like me to "GO back to work" after the baby is born.  And I almost cried..... 
Ok....I'm not a lazy person. It actually drives me nutty to be at home on these restrictions that the midwife has me on.  I'm normally very active and go go go. KWIM? But I've been feeling VERY lazy lately. Like I don't do anything, so him saying that last night made me feel like "OMG! He's thinking I'm lazy too....maybe I am?" 
We talked about it, and he know's that I want to start my photo biz seriously after baby is born, but he's worried about the money coming in until then. And I understand that, but MY Goodness!! He doesn't help with really ANYTHING around this house. All he does is pay bills. I cook, clean, take care of Lorelei, AND I'm starting my dream business in my spare time. PLUS I'm in the end stage of pregnancy!! And now I'm on all these activity restrictions each day......
He's acting like he's just now realizing that money is tight. Well, good grief! Money's been tight since LAST AUGUST!!! Me being at home save HUNDREDS on childcare, and the way I have calculated out the photography prices...I just need to do 4 weddings a month to replace what I was making in California, so why can't he be patient?!?!? I can't do anything more than what I'm doing right now.
C&K*s Mommie replied: So sorry about how he made you feel, maybe he did not realize that there was a more sensitive way of saying how he felt.  Through talking I am sure he will understand that you are on the verge of fulfilling your dream, and he will understand better then.
Sometimes I do not do much around the house, at others I do. He does not make comments about it, but I am certain that he sees the obvious on some days. I admit it then and now I am lazy on some days. Today & yesterday was not the case, Mondays are almost always my laziest days, & as the week goes on I accomplish more and more. Until Mon... when I am lazy again. 
TheOaf66 replied: well I can't defend him but in my situation I can't say enough about my wife's work ethic. She runs a daycare out of our house which is enough but she also does the majority of the cleaning etc I help out with what I can (laundry, dishes, garbage, vacuuming) and she usually cooks dinner every night unless we are grilling out. I give her all the kudos because she does so much...I don't say it nearly as much as I should how much I appreciate all she does. Some things get to me like "decoration" towels and things like that but I certainly could not do what she does everyday. So not all guys are like that sorry that your S/O said that to you, just do like my wife did and tell him things he needs to do to help you out...train him a little bit
Liz_Kaitlyns_Mama replied: Darrell does make comments sometimes. It's hard for me to get everything done b/c I never just sat around before Kaitlyn. And now I am at home all of the time. I get pumped up about going and paying bills!  Well, until I gotta hand the money over. Anyway, it hurts my feelings b/c I DO try. I take care of Kaitlyn, clean house, pick up my lil brother from school and feed him, PLUS I do my schoolwork and it's not easy stuff! I think I do VERY well for my age, to be honest. Do you know a 19-year-old that stays at home ALL THE TIME, takes great care of the kids, cleans and is trying their hardest to learn to cook? I do get hurt by him at times...but I do as much as I can b/c he works HARD in the VERY hot sun all day.
MyLuvBugs replied:
He's not normally like this. I don't really know what his problem was last night.  And I do tell him all the time that I would like help with (changing Diapers, vaccuming, dishes, putting away clothes, taking out the garbage, etc), but it takes me over an hour of nagging him to do something to get him to do it, where as I could just go and do it myself and get it done. KWIM?
Ya know before he said that comment about going back to work, he actually complimented me on my cooking. The first time EVER!!! I've been with him for 5 1/2 years, and he just told me last night that I was a really good cook. Then 10 minutes later he ruined the moment by stating he'd like me to go back to work.  Maybe I should train him when to shut up, and quit when he's ahead. lol
TheOaf66 replied: my wife has been trying to train me to do that for 6 years and I am showing signs of improvement but still have not kicked it yet so good luck with that...that just seems to be a thing wired into a guys brain...needs that "shut up" button
Boo&BugsMom replied:
Your words, not mine!
MyLuvBugs replied:
Is that like the "easy" button on TV? lol If so, where can I get one. lol
holley79 replied: DH doe smake comments now and again. I try to do things around the house but after working all day and nursing Annika from the time I get home to the time I go to bed, I'm wore out. I don't want to do anything around the house. DH does a lot around the house. He cooks dinner a lot of the times.
Mommy2Isabella replied: Sal has never said anything, but I know he may think it, because like you I am on activity restrictions ... and some days, I just CANT do anything, im too tired or I feel my body needs to rest. He tries to help out around the house as much as he can, and I know as soon as Isabella gets here, things are going to get HECTIC!!!
Just keep your head up, you are doing a GREAT JOB!
luvmykids replied: Aw, I'm sorry he said that. Mine feels like that wether I do it all or do nothing, and even the bare minimum of dealing with the kids (feed, clothe, bathe, play, etc) is "nothing".
And you wanna know something I've learned thats helped me a lot? Sometimes I flat out AM lazy. Guess what? Oh well! Does not mean I'm a failure or horrible person! Plus you're on restrictions and have pg horomones. ugly combination!
And he can't possibly pretend that he's just now aware of the money stresses, it's just that it's just now that he's worrying about it.
Bee_Kay replied: I'll tell you a little story...
When I became pregnant with Ashley, DH and I both decided that I would be a SAHM.
After a couple years he tried the "You don't do enough" crap with me 2 times ever.
The first time.... I quit doing HIS laundry. That jolted him back to reality a bit.
The second time.... I said "FINE". I went out that day and got a job and went to work, so HE got stuck with laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids...... It wasn't too long until he was miserable with me working 
So, after that..... not a peep or complaint out of him!! 
Boo&BugsMom replied: If you are pregnant and on restrictions, you DESERVE to be lazy!!! I'd like to see one of them carry a baby in their belly for 9 months then push something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a golf ball!!!
coasterqueen replied: I'm not any help. DH and I share all the responsibilities 50/50 and we both WOH. Sure he gripes that this or that isn't clean, but it's not directed at me, it's directed at the fact that we never have the time because we are not home during the day and tending to everything else at night.
ashtonsmama replied: Oh Erika. I'm sorry sweetie--I feel EXACTLY the same way...Ryan has always been so supportive of me staying home with Ashton and any other kids we have, and I'm really blessed that so far we've been able to do it...but he also slips up sometimes when he's really frustrated with our finances or just work and such and says things like that ("why don't you go back to work", or "how about you get a real job soon and help out") and I know he doesn't really mean it, he wants me to able to stay home, but it does get tough sometimes.
So the answer is yes, I think we all feel like that sometimes...
Cece00 replied:
I had a similar situation to this.
I think my husband has said it a couple of times, like right after I had our daughter or when I was REALLY pregnant.
I very quickly set him straight.
These days, he has to do a lot of his own laundry, and all his work laundry when its time for him to go out of town. Not only that but I sat him down & explained to him just what it is I do EVERY DAY and then I made him start helping around here, spending large chunks of time with the kids AND telling him "I need you to clean the kitchen." when I'd go...
Yeah, he never complains anymore
& I work from home now, PT...so when I started I was like "Look, you are going to have to help around here. I work PT, and I am home FULL TIME with the kids, I cant do everything, and you dont have any excuse not to help more because *I* work more now."
And so he helped a lot more. He had slacked off this week so I told him this morning he wasnt living up to his end of the 'bargain' so to speak, and I went to the store for an hr before he left for work...when I got back....kitchen was cleaned, DH was doing laundry....
AlexsPajamaMama replied: My husband has never once made a complaint about something not getting done. He is the most laid back guy I've ever ment, doesn't stress about a thing! Seriously. The dishes could pile up for 3 days and he wouldn't gripe or think I was lazy.
I stress about everything enough for 5 people....opposites attract! And when I think I'm being lazy he tells me I deserve to rest sometimes! For the most part I do everything around here....on weekends DH helps out with housework, and during the week he will sometimes give Alex a bath or cook dinner. But by the time he is up in the evening everything has been done for the day.
mammag replied: Now that I'm homeschooling the kids and watching another, he doesn't say anything. He always says he couldn't do what I do and that I do a lot for him. The only time I wonder is when he'll talk about other couples and say something about what the wife does how they are able to do this or that because they both have good jobs. It could be my insecurities but it makes me feel like he thinks I'm less of a person because of it. At the same time though I know that I'm doing what he thinks is the right thing for our family.
redchief replied:
Just a guess... he's scared of not being able to adequately provide. I'm not defending what he said or how he feels. We all react differently to stress, and I think that you're seeing his reaction.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this and I hope you both can find some common ground.
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