Question for the single mom or ones that use to be

mummy2girls wrote: ok Please dont let this turn ugly I just have a question that kinda made me feel ill but i want to know how you guys felt and feel....

One of my dayhome kids is a single mom to a 2 year old boy and she is dateing this guy. She was dating him for about a month. He was babysitting the boy while mom went to a mary kay party. and he was giving the boy a bath and he sat him on the potty to go poop. well the little boy looked at hom and said I said NO got off the potty squatted and pooped on the floor. The boyfriend bent the boy over gave him 4 good wallops on the bare bumb and then put him in the bath. my eyes went WIDE! she said well we all do get our breaking points. which yes i agree because i have yelled at jenna a couple times.

Now my question... when you were a single mom and was dateing for only 1 month with a guy would you let him spank your child that hard? or at all? I kinda felt ill to my tummy because there is no way i would of let marcus have that authority at only 4 weeks of being together..

moped replied: Wouldn't happen!!!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: personally even though I have not been in that position, NO WAY, and if it did happen he would be GONE cause that kind of thing would scare me as to what he might really be like.

Boys r us replied: No way in he@* would some random guy I'd been dating for a month be allowed to discipline verbally, much less physically..heck I don't even discipline physically.
he'd a been gone!

honestly...doesn't sound like much a mom in the first place..who leaves their little one with a boyfriend of 1 month? that's my personal opinion! I mean..sure if you had no choice like had a funeral or something that was a real emergency, but a mary kay party?

danahas4monkeys replied: No way my husband and i have been together 10 yrs and my older 2 were 1 and 2 when we got together and no way would I have let him discipline them then, it actually took quite a few years before he or I felt comfortable with it and even to this day I have to remind myself its ok now , I still want to jump in and say what do you think you are doing.

ZandersMama replied: WOW! I dont think that a guy I knew a month would even have met my kids.............

lisar replied: I was a single mom until Lexi was a little over 2. When dh came along I had major problems with him getting on to Lexi about things. It took a while before I let him. Thats just me. And if it was to happen again there is NO WAY I would let a man do that. Does the mom know he is like is? I just think its crazy that she would let him anyways. Even if he had been there longer I dont think I would let him do that. If dh was to do that now with either kid we would be having some major problems.

mummy2girls replied:
well she spanks so she is ok with him doing this....

avory&samsmom replied: I'm a single mother of two. My bf of 6 months has NEVER babysat alone(not that I don't trust him, I just wouldn't put him in that position), nor has he been given the option to discipline my children. He's never had to, and chooses not to. That's my job. My job alone. I feel this is seriously questionable parenting on her part. You see things like this in the news all the time, when the mom leaves her child(ren) with the "boyfriend" and the kids are injured by said man. Or visa versa, not particular to just men. Its a very touchy subject with many, I'm sure. So as to not offend, I'll just leave it at that

Calimama replied: I agree, at a month he wouldn't have met my children yet.

avory&samsmom replied:
yikes.

amynicole21 replied:
Exactly what I was going to say. And there is no way that if he had met them, he would be babysitting them alone or BATHING them We don't spank at all, so this is a MAJOR red flag for me.

Cece00 replied: I am not 100% against spanking in certain situations but I wouldnt leave a guy I had been dating a MONTH alone with my child.

boyohboyohboy replied: he would never have been left alone with my son...let alone allowed to disipline

MoonMama replied: OH H**L NO! Nor would he have even met my child yet!

My2Beauties replied: Reading stuff like this just p's me off because countless cases of child abuse by a non-parent start this way. The mother or father gives the BF/GF a little free reign over discipline in a short period of time and they run with it. First of all, no woman in her right mind would leave her child alone with her BF of 4 wks, no way in heck I'm sorry, I would never in a million years ever leave my child alone with a man I had just met myself. Like Amy Nicole and a few others said, my child would not have even met the man yet, 4 weeks is not long enough to be dating someone to introduce them to your kids. Furthermore, no man will ever and I mean ever give my kids a bath except their dad or grandpas. I don't care if something happened between DH and I and we were divorced, even if I had been dating the guy for 2 years, he would not be giving them a bath. Maybe it's because I have girls but I think even if I had a boy, giving them baths and stuff to me is just not something a stepfather does. I know this may sound awful, but I think it's different for a stepmother, I hate to say it but I just do. More children are molested by men than they are woman and I just wouldn't feel that uncomfortable (if I liked her) if Brian had a GF or new fiance and she gave the girls a bath but I would never let my BF even think the thought OK flame me!

avory&samsmom replied:
ITA. My bf doesn't give the kids a bath, dress them, or anything. That's just how things are. Its a matter of boundaries.

mummy2girls replied: i agree guys. it took me awhile to let Marcus to start disciplining. I would never let him spank her though!!!! And to add to this whole situation.. she met this guy online...

kimberley replied: guys didn't even SEE my kids after dating in that short amount of time. there is no freakin way they'd be disciplining them. even after J and i were married i really choked on him discipling the kids cuz he is more authoritarian than i am. we had many lengthy talks about it and only now do i feel comfortable with it (after almost 6yrs of on-and-off marriage).

avory&samsmom replied:
Eeek. That's not good. not good at all IMO. I don't know what I would do in your position. Have you discussed it with her at all?

MotherForever2043 replied:
Same here!

A&A'smommy replied:
ITA

luvbug00 replied: First off Lars met mya very early on. We were only dating (officially) for about a month when he first met mya. That i do not have a problem with. I would have let them alone after a coupple weeks. They were obviously very bonded. as for disapline..

When we moved in together ( 4 months into the relationship) I let them feel eachother out. He gained mya's respect and now disiplines her as we see fit. IMO we live in the same house, She is arround 2 adults who provide for her, he has taken on the responcibility of being her other parent and so ( if were were spankers i would be ok with him doing it.) I feel he has every right to expect her to follow the rules of this house and to repremand her if she doesn't do it.


So to answer, do i think her judgement to leave him alone with her child is one she alone can make. But letting him disapline at one month was too early. there is no mutual respect established for the kid to understand why this person is disiplining him.

mummy2girls replied:
i thought you didnt allow him to discipline. I remember you said that when i told you of how Marcus lost it and yelled at jenna once.

luvbug00 replied: I Let him help me carry out the disapline i say. like if i say no tv. then he helps me remind mya that she shouldn't be watching tv.

CantWait replied:
Didn't you know Lars for quite some time though. I thought you were friends for awhile.

As for the topic at hand, I think it's disgusting. I agree. When Ron and I were seperated, I never dated. Had I though, there's no way any guy would meet my kids so early on, never mind discipline them

From someone who's grown up with many of my mom's bf's I know how damaging it can be. This mom is putting her kid in some serious danger IMO.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: There is NO WAY on this green earth that I would ever allow anyone else to spank Taylor! I have a problem with a mom's boyfriend/dad's girlfriend being allowed to be involved in disipline at all. I can see if you have re-married and he/she has taken the role of step-parent how they could/should have authority in the new family structure but I still don't believe that while they are still boyfriend/girlfriend that they should hold that position...

gr33n3y3z replied: no

luvbug00 replied:

we were friends when we were 6 and 7 so meeting him again last year was like meeting sort of a stranger as there was no contact for the 17 years inbetween. we were also friends for a 1 1/2 months before we started dating.

Like i said though. I hope she is thinking about the relationship her child will develop with this man if his first memories of meeting him are those of anger or fustration and not that of kindness and respect.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
My thoughts exactly