Prenatal Appointment - and other stuff about my daughter
Bee_Kay wrote: Hi everyone!!  I haven't been here in a few days (anyone even notice?? LOL).
Well, after not hearing from our daughter for so long (ignored phonecalls, emails, ect.), my husband put his foot down with her.
I have been so upset at being dismissed so harshly by her that my husband decided to do something about it.
He called over there, and the BF mother answered the phone and asked for our daughter. The BF mother put her on the phone and she was really quiet and my husband told her that we had to talk to her. She responded that she wasn't feeling well. He responded back, something like "Well, if you felt well enough to spend a week at your BF fathers house that's out-of-town then you can come over here for a little bit..... Get yourself ready, we'll be there in 5 minutes".
Amazing how kids listen to their fathers 
So, we picked her up and he gave her a "talking to". He told her alot of things about her behavior and how it's un-called for. She was here for about 7 hours yesterday. There is so much she is naive about. She is on homebound schooling for 12th grade. Well, she thought that she could get a job AND do homebound schooling. I told her she couldn't ("if you're well enough to work, you're well enough to get your butt to school" is what a lady at the school told me about my daughter).
Anyways, she (again) asked if I would bring her to her prenatal appointment today. She doesn't know what time it's at, so I'll have to call as soon as they open. So, I am crossing my fingers that she will still want me to bring her today.
She did apologize to our younger daughter for standing her up that night she was supposed to spend the night with her.
She also mentioned that the BF mom is dropping hints that she doesn't want my daughter there anymore. Things like.... yesterday my daughter had us stop there so she could get something and the first thing the BF mom said to her when she walked in was "Oh are you moving back home yet?".
So, it doesn't seem to be going as well as they had hoped it would.
I asked her where she thought her BF and her would be by now (since she first moved out).
She replied:
Both attending fulltime school
Both have great paying jobs
Have a car
Have their own place (fully furnished)
None of that has happened yet. So, hopefully she is starting to "see the light".
Thanks for reading. 
3_call_me_mama replied: HUGS! And hoping taht she comes around and sees the reality. It's not easy to raise or BE a teen !
C&K*s Mommie replied: I had been thinking about you. You really came to the forefront of my mind last night in class--- there was a hypothtical situation we were discussing similiar to yours, and it seemed implausible the way it went. Anyhow, I am short on time-- but I will explain later. 
Great to know that at least you have had some contact. I will be around later to read up more.
Good to see you around again Barb!! 
mckayleesmom replied:
LOL....Ive been married for almost 4 years and I still don't have a fully furnished house  . For a matter of fact...I don't have any couches right now...I just threw them out.
Bee_Kay replied: Brianne -
LOL! I know what you mean!
When I got pg the first time.... my dh and I both worked (and he had a good paying job).
We both had vehicles and our own house..... AND IT WAS HARD!!
We were so broke all the time. We couldn't afford cable tv so we'd watch the same videos over and over LOL
I remember we'd have like only $10 left to our name and we'd get a crapload of stuff to make chili.... and that was our dinner for like 3 days!!
LOL -- those were the days
Nicole - I look forward to your reply
amynicole21 replied: I really hope she is beginning to see how "real life" is. Keep up the good work 
Bee_Kay replied: I forgot to add to my original post here.....
That I did talk to my daughter about her BF. She told me that he feels that he isn't "good enough" for our family and that we basically don't like him because of his family dynamics.
I explained to her that the problems I have with him have nothing to do with his family or how he was/is being raised.
I told her that my problem with him is that he has lied to me, intentionally doesn't answer my phonecalls, that he isn't doing one darn thing to support their decision to keep the baby (financially). I told her, the even though we are her parents, it's difficult to not feel used in a way.
He feels that I am still angry with him from when he cheated on her the 2 times right before she got pregnant.
I told her that, yes I was angry because he hurt you and made you cry. But, it's not my place to forgive him, it was yours. And if you forgave him, I have no problem with him in that aspect.
So, I explained to her exactly why I am not happy with him and I am completely open to also explaining my feelings directly to him (even though I've already told him).
What we expect of him is to get a part time job and at least show an effort to help pay the copays of the prenatal visits.
Boys r us replied: I'm glad that she has such great parents who care about her! It's easy to be 17 and think that you have the world down pat and nothing can stop you! I'm happy that it seems like she's coming around and realizing that she needs dear old mom and dad more than she thought! aahhhh the brutality of REAL LIFE!
Bee_Kay replied: Yesterday, I asked my daughter what time her prenatal appointment was today.... She didn't even know she had an appointment today.
So, I called the clinic this morning and they told me her appt is at 10:30. So, I called my daughter, woke her up and told her what time it's at.
She asked me to call her back at 10 to wake her up........ Hmmmm, and she doesn't need us huh?? 
Anyways, she still wants me to take her there this morning I am pretty excited.... hopefully I can hear the baby's heartbeat
fashionmumofboys replied: So glad to hear that your daughter is starting to come around. Good for DH giving your daughter the "talk" I really think that helped alot.
How exciting that you get to go with your daughter to her pre-natal visit and hear the baby's heartbeat.
KUP.
MyLuvBugs replied: Well it's a step in the right direction. Hope the talks continue.
A&A'smommy replied: I was 17 when I had my daughter, my husband got a full time job (he was in college at the time) switched to online classes (as soon as he could), we got an apartment together and GREW UP we have been raising our daughter on our own it hasn't been easy (not even close) but we have done it.... I'm wondering is your daughter going to raise her child on her own? not to be harsh but if she and her bf really aren't ready for that (if she can't keep up with prenatel app...??) then has she maybe... possibly considered adoption OR letting you (if your willing) raise the baby? I'm just wondering I'm not being pushy or nosy if you would rather not answer those questions that is fine!!
I'm certaintly happy to see that she has such wonderful parents!!!!
Bee_Kay replied: OMG !!!!!
I heard the baby's heartbeat!!!
I just started crying when I heard it
It was wonderful!
About my daughter and her BF "growing up". She wants to keep her baby, which is her right and I support that.
I don't have much faith that they will do what it takes to "grow up", but my daughter knows that we are here for her.... so she does have something that she can fall back on if/when the time comes.
My daughter is 16 weeks pregnant and they have known she was pregnant since she was 4 week pg and the BF has yet to get a parttime job...... we have expressed our expectations of him, but he just isn't taking responsibility.... like the old saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink".
Anyways, it was a WONDERFUL experience and I am grateful she invited me along
A&A'smommy replied:
yeah its hard I think the hardest part for me was growing up especially when all my friends still go to be kids.. its hard and I feel for them. I'm glad that she is letting you in on it now because I have heard from tons of grandmothers (including my mother) that one of the most incredible experiences is being a grandmother!!! BTW did they "try" to see if they could see anything? I know when I was about as far along as her they could almost see that I was having a girl
holley79 replied: I just read your other post. I am glad that you got to go. I sure hope that it works out. You seem like such a wonderful mother.
A&A'smommy replied:
ITA!!!
Bee_Kay replied: Thanks for the responses
She didn't have an ultra sound yesterday, just listened to the heartbeat. The Dr. will refer her to have an US in about a month.
She came over yesterday for a visit and told my younger daughter that she plans on moving back home this weekend, but she is getting ALOT of resistance from her BF concerning that decision.
So, I try and be aloof about it and just smile and let her know she is welcome back anytime (but inside I want to just keep her here NOW). It is something she will have to think through and decide on her own.
Apparently when she mentioned it to him he started bawling and saying stuff like "How can you leave me alone" "If you move out, I will move out" (although I don't see why).
He also said to her "Your parents only want you home because they have no faith that I can support you and the baby" ..... *hello??, but that's true*
I just told her something like that he doens't have a job yet, and he's not even trying to get one... and even when/if he gets one, he won't be offered medical insurance.
Maybe she is actually thinking a with a bit more "grown-up" clarity.
She asked if she and I could go out to lunch together, so we'll do that later.
3_call_me_mama replied: Glad she's coming around! And glad teh appt went well. She in her heart knows teh right thing to do. but it may not be easy to actually admit that and just do it> Hope she is back home soon
Bee_Kay replied: At the Dr appointment, when I first heard the heartbeat, I gasped (really loud), laughed and cried all at the same time.
The BF gave me a puzzled/confused look, like "what the big deal".
The Dr looked at me gave me a big smile and said "Yep, you are a mother".
It made my day!!
I am thinking that she is coming around.... but I try and keep my emotions guarded because she said she was moving home awhlie ago, and the BF talked her out of it.
So, we'll see. I am looking forward to having lunch with her today
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