Potty training attempt and I already need help!

msoulz wrote: Well I put her Dora underpants on her at 11:00 this morning, asked her 25 times if she had to pee or poop and all was well until I started to make lunch at 12:15. I think she did go into the bathroom despite the puddle I found outside the door but she totally messed in her underwear, #1 and #2 and didn't seem to mind at all. So we changed her and put Elmo on and then all was well again until nap time, when I had her sit on the potty for as long as I could without holding her down (which was about a minute), nothing, put on her training pants (the ones with the plastic on the outside) and not a minute later they were wet. So we took those off, wiped, and put on new ones and she went to nap.

She pretty much doesn't want to sit on the potty at all. She sat for a minute because I gave her a cup of milk to drink.

So my question - is this normal for the beginning stages of training? Or should they actually want to sit on the potty before you start? Most of the time she makes it very clear that she does not want to sit on the potty but the milk bribed her.

Any suggestions are so much appreciated! I am wondering if she really is ready - but I know many of you trained them at much younger ages.

coasterqueen replied: I'm sure you'll get a lot of differing opinions, but here's mine. Kylie was easy. We told her it was time to wear undies and we started on a Friday and by Sunday she was having no accidents. She had a few in between that and she did ask to go potty so that wasn't an issue.

Megan has been asking to go potty since she was about 16 months old, give or take. She'd sit on there and do nothing (just pass gas ). We tried at about 27 months (same age Kylie pt'ed) to put undies on her and she kept having accidents just like you described and we said she's not ready. It wasn't until about 2 or 3 weeks before her 3rd birthday she asked to wear underwear and we said ok, just tell us when you have to go potty. Now she had accidents like you described above quite a bit for a week or so and then that's been it, no accidents since.

I think what you are describing is normal. Give it a week (or 5 days give or take) and see how she does. If she continues to have accidents and not wanting to do anything on the potty then I'd say she's not ready to train. My two cents worth.

msoulz replied:
Thank you!!

luvmykids replied:
ITA. It can become nothing but a power struggle if she is as determined not to sit on it as you are for her to do it.

msoulz replied:
I hear you. We have enough struggles at this point - it's tough being 2!

Thank you!!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: only thing I want to add is with Kaitlin she hated the potty chair but was scared of fallin in the big potty so she sat backward so she could hold on, sure it was a PITA to have to undress her waist down but once she got the hang of it she turned around herself.

msoulz replied: I just cleaned the fourth accident today less than 25 minutes after the third one. And I had the timer set for 30 minutes to try to get her on the potty. She just sat there and let it fly.

I am really wondering if she is just not ready? She doesn't care if she is sitting in her own waste.

But then I think she is like her brother, just doesn't want to stop and take the time to go to the potty. He took forever to train because he was just too busy playing.

I guess I am just whining - not sure if I'll make it the suggested 5 days . . . what a whimp, eh?

coasterqueen replied:
Hey 5 days isn't something you have to do. With Kylie the first time around I sure didn't give it five days. With Megan the 1st time around, I think Dh gave it 30 minutes , then I tried a bit longer and gave up. It's just highly possible she's not ready. I'd give it as long as YOU want to give it, then decide from there. I don't think waiting 5 days means she's going to train. If she's not ready, she's not ready and no amount of days is going to change that.

msoulz replied:
Thank you Karen. I just cleaned #5 and I am thinking hey, I gave it 6 hours, that's more than 30 minutes! So I threw in the towel and put a pull up back on her with the understanding that won't help her learn. Maybe we'll try again in a couple of weeks.

msoulz replied:
I have a Dora potty seat that covers the big one and makes a nice small size, and we have the potty chair, so she has comfy choices. When she sits she seems to like Dora better than the potty chair. But she sure doesn't want to sit on either regularly . . .

Jamison'smama replied: Jamison PT at 2 1/2--took us about 3 days of staying home and inside with a big incentive box for going. I put the potty chair in the middle of the Living Room, set the timer for 30 min and every 30 min she would sit, I would read a book to her, give her a minute or so to think about going potty then she would get up and we'd go on about the day. When she did go--even a tiny bit, she could get a prize out of the potty box (dollar store toys). We did that day one and by day 2 we didn't need the box any more. There were many accidents the first and second day. I still put pull-ups on her for going out but I tried to stay consistant at home for the first few weeks.

Jack took longer, he was about 2 weeks shy of turning 3 and he just decided he was ready and there has been only 2 or 3 accidents since that time and has never had an accident at night.

Every kid is different. Maybe she needs a little more time.

boyohboyohboy replied: mary, i am in your boat! we decided after two days of trying...and many accidents, that jakob isnt ready. so we are going to wait a week or two and try again , and if the same thing happens wait another week, at some point, i hope before he heads to prom, he should want to do this!
my problem is the pull ups are getting to small and there doesnt seem to be another option out there!

msoulz replied:
LOL - and I am just worried about preschool!!

msoulz replied:
Thanks - I may just borrow your idea for the next attempt!

With my son we had a "poop toy" which was a really cool truck that he was allowed to play with when he pooped on the potty, then it went back on the toilet for the next time. It helped, but ultimately, he decided when he was ready to do it every time (which wasn't until he was near 4 - I hope his sister is more motivated!!)

Bamamom replied: We started potty training today too. Lot's of accidents. My biggest concern is that he NEVER tells me when he needs to go. He will go every time I take him - every 30 minutes - and has some accidents in between times but has never told me that he needs to empty his bladder.

I'm giving it a few more days but I don't have much hope

msoulz replied:
So we are in the "maybe next time" boat together - welcome aboard!!

Teesa®© replied: I'm not really sure what to add to what's already been suggested. This is what I did:

Since ours are only 19 months apart, we bought His and Hers potties and His and Hers seat covers for the big toilet. The two are totally unseparatable. DD was pretty difficult to train - she'd sit, but didn't like to go and would only if she really had to go. After a few weeks of this, it was obvious she was "waiting" for DS - she didn't want to do ANYTHING without her brother! Once we got him sitting on it, she was much easier. So technically, she didn't really start training till she was 3 and he was 2.

When we trained, we were still at our old place and the bathroom was upstairs. Since we're mostly downstairs, we'd put the potties in the other half of the dining room where the puters were. This way, they weren't alone and it was more comfortable to read to them there than in the actual bathroom. That house was built in the late 1800's, so the bathroom was a "throw-on". Literally, it was pretty much thrown on the house above the back porch The only place to sit to read in there was IN the tub, and quite honestly, I felt silly . So, yeah, the potties were downstairs.

Since I'm a very open person, once they both started sitting on the potties when told, I started announcing when I had to go so that they would learn to do that, too. I would put my hand over my bladder and say, "Oh! My bladder is getting full. I'd better go potty!" or something similar. It took maybe about a week or so before they started doing it, too.

We'd go days with panties or BVD's on and nights were Pull-Ups. One Sat. night, DD woke up about 2am to pee and that was that: no more Pull-Ups, she was in panties full times and never once had an accident.

DS was a LOT longer. He was great during the day - he'd try to go when told, and often said he needed to, but nights were a different story. He'd only pee maybe once, but he's the kind of guy that once he's asleep, he's in deep and doesn't wake up for anything. Since, at the time, we couldn't find a proper mattress cover, I cut open a large garbage bag and taped it to his mattress where he sleeps. Then I put him to bed in his BVD's. He still had little accidents through the night, but they slowly petered out little by little. By the time he was in JK, he was maybe having an accident once a month or longer. About halfway through, he was done.

Oh, when "we" progressed to pottying on the big toilet, I'd run the water in the sink to "encourage" them to go

I know you don't have two training, but something in there should help

Boo&BugsMom replied: My only word of advice...do NOT ask them if they have to go. 9 times out of ten they will say no because they don't want to stop what they are doing. Give them a warning..."in 5 minutes we are going to so sit on the potty", then in 5 minutes go take them to sit. Don't give them the "choice". Many times when they are starting to train they don't understand what it feels like to "have to go" yet. I always had Tanner sit there until something came out as well...I also did that with any other daycare child I trained. It helps when they start to feel it coming out, so they realize why they are sitting there.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This may take awhile. This is the case with most newly training children. It was at least a couple months before Tanner (and other kids in daycare I've had) started telling me he had to go, otherwise I was just telling him to go sit and try.

bawoodsmall replied: I may not getting it but you made them sit there till something happened? Did you still take them every half hour? What if they were like sitting there for 20 minutes but didnt have to go? I want to start aiden soon but am just very unsure of my ability to do it.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied:
yep -- I agree with 'do not ask'......my brother is always asking his son if he has to go and he always says NO..... of course. Then it turns into a big struggle.

msoulz replied: Thank you all again! When we make our next attempt I will come back here and take your suggestions!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Yes. Eventually it came out. Usually about 20 minutes, sometimes a little longer. I'd let them read books on the potty. I know it seems like a long time, but it works and once they feel themselves going they start to make a connection. And yes, I still took them about every half hour at least for the first few days, then worked it down to every hour once they started making the connection to "why" they were sitting there and what to do...unless they didn't go then I took them again 30 minutes later.

moped replied: See, I did the opposite.........he started with underwear one day after he turned 3 and I didn't tell him or take him to the bathroom - he had to figure it out. He did after one day.

msoulz replied:
And that is the biggest problem here - short duct taping her onto the potty I just can't get her to stay once she is there. And getting her there while she is yelling "NO, NO, NO" is a bit traumatic - so I wonder, is she too young, too lazy, or just too busy?

I let her run around without a diaper once after sitting on the potty for a few minutes and she buzzed around for probably 5 minutes and then pooped on the floor - didn't stop but for a second and off she went. She still talks about it and that was several months ago. If I say "when are you going to poop on the potty?" she usually responds "poop floor".

Well I plan to try again Monday, so be prepared for more whining . . . and please keep the experiences and ideas coming!!!

My son was in daycare at her age and they pretty much trained him so this is why I am so clueless - that's my excuse anyway . . .