Please help me... - my son is driving me crazy

3xmommy wrote: Okay, a bit of background. My son is seven years old and I admit, he's been spoiled a bit... All the kids have...

But he's EXTREME. You cannot make him happy. I don't care what you do. Like today the kids helped stack firewood for a treat when I went to town. The girls wanted a chocolate bar and the other wanted a bag of Combos. No big deal. My son asks for some Bakugan boardgame that costs 22 dollars. I didn't have enough to buy it so I did get him one of the little figures for $5. He was happy at first but then wasn't... he wanted the board. Then after he yelped and hollered he brought it down to wanting another figure for five dollars.

He's recently been given a Halo3 collecters helmet ($80), a Star Wars helmet ($30), and a subscription to XBox online ($20)... that's within the month. My girls have gotten MABEY $30 each the month. He isnt happy no matter what and he refuses to work like the girls will.

The girls will SWEAT right with me and their grandpa. My son acts like he's afraid of dirt or sawdust and will run away from bees or ants. Or beetles. Or moths.

Please God girls help me... he's so mean!
He yells at me, says he hates me, calls me a BEAST! HOLYHECK THAT MAKES ME SO MAD And it hurts my feelings. I do everything possible to make him happy and he turns around and acts mean as heck.

He says we're mean to him and don't treat him right and if he gets put in the corner or I raise my voice, he says he'll tell "welfare" that I did so. We're good to this boy. Everyone is... but he'll cry and hide and scream that we're mean.. especially if he is asked to work for his cash. I dont mean hard work... the wood we stack is cut small so it isn't heavy at all.

What do you think? I know this is long... but I havent even covered 1/4 of it.

-Diane

Calimama replied: Honestly, I'd stop giving him "treats". No toys, no candy, no anything until he can learn to be appreciative. Not only would I stop giving the stuff, when he threw fits and misbehaved he would LOSE a privilege. That XBOX online subscription would be gone and if he kept up the bad behavior so would the XBOX and tv altogether. But then.. I'm a mean mommy. Hang in there.

mckayleesmom replied: I would take back everything you gave him and tell him your giving it to a little boy that really is in the custody of the state.... because he would appreciate it more.

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree completely.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Stop trying to make him happy. Happiness is an internal emotion he needs to start discovering for himself. The biggest lesson he needs to learn is that it is not found in "things". If it was we'd marry action figures, not people. Start calling his bluff and stop letting him hold you hostage. The next time he threatens to call welfare hand him the phone and the phone book. Seriously, if you don't start getting this under control now and stop living under the tyrany of a 7 year old, you've got a long road of h+++ to pay later.

DillsMommy replied:
I agree. Very well said.

PrairieMom replied: IMO, and this is coming from an Admitted "Mean Mommie", that boy needs a wake up call. If it were my son
I would #1 make him work for privileges. This is naturally going to lead to a fight. so, When the fight happens, it is "valued stuff "removal time. I would start with the x-box. What ever he holds dearest. You have to make it hurt, so use some sort of point system where he can earn back his stuff. he can out away laundry, feed pets, clear the table, take out garbage, what ever. If he acts up, remove a point. when he earns 20 points or so, he can have it back. If he looses all his points take away something else he values, and make him earn that back too. Just to drive the point home, I would give his sisters stuff right in front of him. It will make him even madder. I have done this with my son, we all had icecream, he didn't earn his, so we ate ours right in front of him. you better believe that he earned his the next time. It shows that we are strong enough to back up our threats.
If he wants to call child welfare, give him the #. Let him call. Heck dial the phone for him. you don't abuse him, you have nothing to fear, and maybe having a police man show up at your door and threaten to take him away will scare the dickens out of him.

I think the real key is for you to be strong and consistent. every time you back down and give in it sets the bar for him to act up even more, and if this continues, can you imagine what it would be like? the longer you wait, the harder it will be, and soon you will have a 16 year old acting like that in your home. Which, well, isn't ideal.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Agreeing with everyone above. He is being given WAY too many things and priviledges. He is becoming materialist, and knows if he throws a hissy you will cave. He should not be allowed to negotiate on things like that. WHY on you even negotiating when he acts like that? No means no. If you don't like it, then tough, cry and throw a fit then. You not buying him the boardgame should have NOTHING to do with not having enough money on you, it should be about not giving him everything he wants. He's only 7, just imagine what he will be like in a few more year, or as a teenager! Step up and take control!!! I'm sorry, but a 7 year old does not need all the things that he has, IMO, and does not need something every time he steps inside a store. He now knows whenever you go shopping he will get something he wants. Honey, I don't mean to sound harsh, but "a bit spoiled" is quite a downplay after explaining everything he has gotten in the last month alone. Be strong, you can do it!

Also...not that I am saying it's wrong to give treats every once in awhile, but how about stacking wood or doing a chore because he was TOLD to??? IMO, kids should be taught to do chores or help out with things because they were asked/told and because it's nice to do things for others, not just because they are being given something. Giving a material reward every time only teaches them to do something because in the end they are being rewarded themselves. They need to know how to feel rewarded for doing something for someone else. Not just because they "recieve" something physical. "Better to give, than recieve".

You can do it. Be the parent. Take control. Use tough love. It's not too late, but if you let it keep going, sooner or later it will be.

Danalana replied: I'm probably going to be in the minority here, but, if you have a wood shed...use it!Discipline is not wrong (beating is) and we do it because we love our kids.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ok Dana, I'm not following you with that one. What would you do with a wood shed?

And I agree, discipline comes from love, because we want our children to grow up to be productive, well-mannered, ethical individuals. If we lack discipline needed, then it serves as an injustice to our children in the longrun.

Danalana replied: LOL....did you never watch Andy Griffith? Whenever somebody was getting a spanking, they called it taking them behind the woodshed.

MommyToAshley replied:
LOL... guess I never watched that show because I never heard of it either.

I agree and disagree with you. It's important to discipline but I don't think spanking is the only way to discipline or change behavior. However, I'm not trying to turn this into a debate about spanking. I just wanted to mention that discipline and spanking are not synonymous terms and you can have one without the other. Whatever form of discipline that is decided upon, he needs to understand that his choices have consequences ... whether it is good or bad. You are not being the mean Mom, he is making the choice which has certain consequences. He can choose to be respectful or he can choose to throw a fit and call you names, but he is responsible for his own actions. Your role is to guide him in what is right and wrong, and this is where the discipline comes into play. And with consistency, he will learn this.

My2Beauties replied: I agree with everyone else above, it's high time he learned what it feels like to have something of value taken away. It works - believe me!

Calimama replied:
I missed that. I thought you meant to lock all his stuff in the shed.

Danalana replied: I agree that discipline doesn't have to be spanking. But I do believe it's needed sometimes

MommyToAshley replied:
Actually, I don't see a need for it. But, that doesn't mean my way is the right way for everyone.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I had many strange thoughts running through my head. My dad's fav show is Andy Griffith, but I never caught onto that.

I am pro-spanking, but it's not our main form of discipline. I think sometimes it is needed, but I have also seen people over-use it. There is a gal at church who admits to spanking her child dozens of times per day. Um...if you ask me, if someone is spanking their child THAT much and it's not doing any good, then it's the parent's issue, not the child's and the parent needs to do something different.

Ok, off my soapbox...but yeah, that's my stance. And I had thoughts going through my head about that dang wood shed Dana that I was afraid to look at your answer.

Danalana replied:
Lock 'em in the wood shed!!

PrairieMom replied:
Don't tempt me. The boy and I def. Have our days, and let me tell you he aught to thank God every day we don't have a wood shed.

Danalana replied: HAHA!
Seriously, I wasn't spanked much as a kid because I was pretty good. BUT, I didn't just act any way I wanted to because I knew there would be consequences. For me, a spanking got my attention way more than a time out. Actually, we didn't have time outs. Back then, they just sent you to bed early or something. I'm not saying spanking is always the way because sometimes a warning or some other punishment will work. I think it really depends on the kid.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I wasn't spanked a lot either, but I can tell you that the times I was, looking back on it now I would have spanked myself.

TBH, I don't know what I'd do exactly in this situation, but I can tell you he'd be in for a severe rude awakening...whatever form that came in. That is what he needs is a rude awakening. He has been allowed to rule the roost for way too long. When things have been so out of control for a long time, it takes something huge to get them to wake up, IMO. For parents who have always been a disciplinarian, I think it's easy for them to say "send him to time out". For a child who has been allowed to have control of everything for so long, that isn't going to cut it.