Please help me!!!

ilovemybaby wrote: I'm going to be a new mother again sometime around the end of August early September. And I want to breastfeed. I know I've posted in here a few times. And I've got some really good advice and support. But I'm having a lot of doubts right now. I know how badly it went last time... Abby didn't latch on right, I couldn't get the positions right, I was so confused and had little help from anyone and felt like a failure and I felt dumb. I was miserable and I had to leave the hospital because I just wasn't happy there. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and sore. It hurt to feed and I would cry while feeding. I didn't know if she was even getting anything.

I'm reading the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book and I thought it would be a good idea to help prepare myself etc but all I keep finding are reasons why I don't want to breastfeed. I'm finding all the negative things and hardly any positive things.
I do want to breastfeed but maybe I just don't want to do it badly enough? I know it's hard work and I know that there can be problems eg blocked ducts, Mastitis, latching problems, etc... but that's not my main concern. I think I could deal with that because I know I have the LLL and LCs there if I need them. But I just keep thinking about how easy bottlefeeding was... the fact that Abby slept through the night from one week old and I didn't have to do night feedings, I didn't have to NIP or be embarrassed by nursing in front of family and I didn't have to worry anymore about the rude comments I got from FIL about my boobs being a milking machine etc etc...

I think I'm suffering a little depression because I've been in so much pain with this pregnancy. And that's not helping. But I thought that I might be able to get some more support and encouragement and maybe some Pros to add to my list? I have more cons than pros. All I can think of are...

The bond.
The nutritional benefit including antibodies.
The benefits for me and baby ... like lower chance of obesity in adulthood and me... hopefully losing some weight and lower chances of getting breast cancer etc...
Save money on formula and bottles and teats and sterilizing tablets.
Save time not having to prepare bottles or sterilize them.
Not having to worry about taking bottles with me when I go out.

That's it I think...

Kaitlin'smom replied: I to was not sure about breastfeeding my daughter. I was worry it would not feel right. I decided to try and force that our of my head before I tried. I tried and it was sooo different from anything I ever expected. I almost switched to a bottle, I was not sure she was getting anything or enough. Worried when my milk whould actually come, the LLC at the hospital did not answer my questions, I ened up telling her to leave my room. My point was I tried and kept at it to see how it would go, and I am so glad I did. It was the best thing I ever did. Yes for a while it HURT but once we got passed that and I used the lanohiln (sp) it was soooo much better pain and cracking. I NIP often and I was prepaird for any rude comments. It my child and I was doing what I felt was best for her and if she was hungry I woudl feed her I did not care where I was. I did get really good about being descret. I had a friend comment on how descret I was and she never really could tell I was nursing. All I can say is try, and if people want to comment let them, they are the ones with issues NOT you. Think of so whitty combacks if someone says something. Just try and we are hear to support you, or give you witty combacks for the PITA's who want to give you a ruff time. You can do it.

amynicole21 replied: Well, all I can say is give it a try and if you don't like it, switch to bottles. Every pregnancy/child/breastfeeding relationship is different. You may have a great experience this time!

All of the benefits you've listed are the reasons I do it. That, and there are less chances of having health problems like reflux, allergies to formula, gas, etc.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Ditto! It may be different the second time.

ilovemybaby replied: Thanks. My problem is that I find it embarrassing to nurse in front of anyone and I think it's because I was sexually abused. I don't want anyone to see even a little part of my boobs. I won't nurse in front of anyone but my mum, sister and Paul. The one time I had visitors after Abby was born my FIL was here and I went into the bedroom. He gives me the creeps and I don't want him or any other guy watching or trying to take a perve... we all know that some guys do this right.

Also I don't want others to feel uncomfortable with my NIP. I have felt uncomfortable when someone has bf in front of me. But I just turn and look the other way and if it's someone I'm talking to then I just look at them in the eyes but I get so nervous that my face might be red and that it will make them nervous. I think my main problem is that I am nervous that they are nervous ... does that even make sense? I get embarrassed because I think they are probably so embarrassed NIP or in front of me. Is that just crazy or what
So if I NIP then I'm going to be worrying about what others are thinking and how they feel about it and if they actually said something I'm more likely to cry or run away than to actually have a comeback or something to say to them. I'm don't have the guts. I would be upset because I upset them not upset because they don't like a mother NIP. KWIM?

ilovemybaby replied: Actually I think my past has caused a few issues when it comes to bfing. I know it just didn't feel right last time. I let myself think of it as a sexual thing for a baby to be sucking those just like I always let myself confuse abuse and love. I guess you wouldn't understand unless you've been there but one of my problems because of my past is that whenever Paul and I are intimate I feel dirty and like I'm doing something wrong. It's not so bad now (since we got married it's been a lot easier)... it used to be that I couldn't do anything without having memories or feeling like he was abusing me. My subconscious made me think that way. I would actually feel like I was in my past.

I know you all can't help me with this... but I've spoken to about 5 different counsellors about my past and I don't think it's going to get any better than this. Things are so much better than they were 20 years ago but I still have some issues that will always be there. I just have to deal with them as best I can. I just don't want to be breastfeeding and feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

Sorry if I have been too OTT here. Sorry for the TMI.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I understand where you're coming from. I chose to BF for all the benefits, but it was often hard for me to NIP. Blankets always fall off, so I found this Hooter Hiders, which some people may find ridiculous...but I don't care. I may buy one. Or you can always use a sling.

coasterqueen replied: I agree with Rae, nurse under a blanket...then no one is seeing anything. With Kylie I used no blanket, let the world see everything . With Megan I use a blanket because the rascal has showed so many people boobage I chose to spare them. Although I don't have a prob showing them. So try a blanket. If baby won't tolerate that (Kylie wouldn't) then go in a room to nurse. Kylie was very distractable most of our nursing experience so I had to nurse her in a dark room alot from others. If we were out shopping or anywhere out for that matter I just nursed her in the car before going in, or came out to the car to nurse, her etc. There IS ways to get around the NIP for sure

As far as seeing all the negatives..IMO as long as you see the negatives you are setting yourself up for failure. At least that's how I see my life and how I live it.

ilovemybaby replied:
Thanks but I was talking about BFing not every part of my life. I'm not a negative person. And I'm not failing anything. IMO

Bamamom replied: If you really want to try it then I suggest that you give yourself a 6 week minimum unless otherwise directed by a dr. I know I wanted to quit at 3 weeks - actually called DH at work and told him to come home NOW and bring formula. But by the time he got home Tripp and I had both calmed down and he was nursing just fine. If you have somewhere in your mind that you'll quit if things don't go smoothly then you won't make it pass the first week - if that long.

I am VERY uncomfortable NIP but I have found ways around it. Many stores have a diaper changing room that is a great place to nurse - I know our Belks and Dillards have great ones. Babies R Us has a nice one too. I also nurse in the car alot or just pump a bottle to carry with us. I don't nurse in front of anyone but my husband and my mom. I just go to the nursery if anyone is over. I have found this is a great excuse to get away for a moment when the in laws get too much

As for your past - I can't even imagine how difficult that must be. If BF makes you feel dirty or guilty in some way I say crap on it and don't feel guilty about it. You have to do what right by yourself and your child. BF isn't for everyone and THAT'S OKAY. The love and tenderness can be there during a bottle feeding too.

ilovemybaby replied:
Sorry I know you were only trying to help and I want to apologize for that post. I hope you can forgive me.

boyohboyohboy replied: You could always try it, and you may find with just the support that you can get here ( I have had tons of questions and support here from the boards for my first time BFing) that it might help you get thru. I learned to just take one day at a time, as you make it thru one day and then the next before you know it you are BFing for 6 months, thats what happened to me, and I was quiting I dont know how many times.....
Now I wouldnt for the world!

You might find that it helps you deal with some of your other issues as well, just feed before you go out, and hopefully you wont have to when you are out, or else most place now a days have a chair in the rest rooms, or do it in the car, as I do....I hardly ever do it in public.
Good Luck

coasterqueen replied:
No problem. I guess what I was trying to say is at least for me if I see all the negatives about anything, anything in my life, breastfeeding, etc I set myself up for failure before I ever gave myself a chance to succeed. So what I was trying to suggest is try not to think of the negatives, give BF a chance if that's what you want to do and see how it goes. It's really just the mentality *I* personally have to have in order to get where I want to go or do. Wasn't meaning to say you are a bad person in anyway.

boyohboyohboy replied: I also wanted to add, that it took me 13 weeks to become adjusted and comfortable with nursing, I think thats when baby Jake decided to work together with me....