Paranoid?

MichaelsMommy wrote: Just wondering if any of you think I am being paranoid or not..

I'm working full time and have Michael at a nanny's house while at work
(really nice polish lady in my neighborhood). She is old school
and has been saying for a few days that Michael is so hungry-
and in her country they would be feeding him cereal already.
My doc told me to wait until 4 mos and he seems to be doing
great with just formula, so that is what I was planning to do.
Well, Michael was really fussy last week, acting not hungry
and different poopies. I had a weird feeling that she might
have given him some.. Well this morning when I came in
to drop him off there was a box of Gerber rice cereal on
her counter (open). She has another 1 yr old (maybe close
to 1 1/2 walking) that she watches - but they are not still eating
that flake stuff when they are that big are they?

I don't want to say anything and make her feel like I am accusing
her if it is the other childs... But if she is not following my
instructions for him I may need to find a new nanny. Not sure
what to do and wanted to see what you all think.

-carol

MomToMany replied: Well, when it comes to your own child, you have every right to be accusary! I would out mention the weird poopies and ask her if she's given him anything. It's best to wait til 6 months old. His tummy isn't ready for it yet.


BTW, my 2 1/2 year old loves that baby cereal!

Mommy2BAK replied: Wow, that is scary. A 3 month old doesn't need to be fed cereal yet!! Blakely's doc. said 4 months also. But I had resons for feeding her cereal so soon because she is a big girl that was still hungry after her formula. I would definately ask her about it. Just be general about it and tell her aout the weird bowels and ask if she is feeding him anything other than formula. You definately need to know. You are the parent.

jolene555 replied: While I know of a lot of people who feed their children cereal at 3 months (some even sooner with doctor's advise), if you say that you do not want to feed him at this time she should respect it. If she is caring for your child, there is no such thing as offending her by asking about his care. I was a nanny and it's clear that you do exactly what the parents want, excepting that they ask you to ruin the child over, and they can ask ANYTHING they want.

On the other hand, I'll admit I am not a big fan of doctors. If, indeed, she is feeding him cereal behind your back (which is ethically unforgivable, I know), but he's alltogether happier and not as hungry, then wouldn't it seem she has the best interests of the child in mind? Every child is differant, and it's possible that your son is really ready for cereal.

paradisemommy replied: well i think i'm gonna go with jo on this one. though i would initially be really ticked off that she went behind my back and fed him the cereal - i think i would look at the bigger picture. is she a good sitter? does she take good care of him? if she is with him full time then i think she would know what is best for him and as long as he's happy and enjoying her, then why mess with a good thing. like jo said, all babies are different so some are ready for cereal at 3 months - some not until 6 months or later..

my mom came over to visit when taven was younger - i had never gave him any type of sugar before..she snuck and gave him a bit of ice cream..which pissed me off but i got over it and figured it didn't hurt him any so why make a big deal out of it. just my 2 cents.

DansMom replied: I would be just as conflicted. With my child, I couldn't do an old school nanny because of his severe food allergies. I've found that people of a certain generation and/or mindset just don't get it, and sometimes don't believe it's as bad as it is, even though they mean well and are loving caretakers. Early exposure to solids can create food allergies, because proteins leak through the gut (the gut is not ready for certain proteins) and the immune system reacts---setting the child up for future sensitivities which take longer to outgrow. You might then see exzema and gastric problems, or worse, congestion and swelling. Also, can you trust her not to introduce other, potentially more dangerous foods (like peanut butter) until you've decided it's time? I'm betting she's been giving him cereal against your instructions, based on the digestive changes you've seen and possibly because he seems hungry to her and she feels responsible for him while he's in her care. I'm sure she means well and is doing her best to do right by him. You probably should have a talk with her. It's always good to check your suspicions directly, although it's so very awkward.

MichaelsMommy replied: Thanks for the replies everyone. She does do a very good job with him,
and we like her a lot. We felt very lucky to have found someone so close
to home, with decent rates, and who is so good with Michael. I am a bit
afraid of making waves by approaching her on this - but if Michaels well
being is in question I don't have a choice. It's an icky situation really -
and I have to wonder if it is not just me over thinking things (I have
been known to do that). I think tonight when I pick him up I will
bring it up.

Mommy2BAK replied: how did it go?

jcc64 replied: Jumping in a little late on this one. Ita with Tracy on this. My guess would be that she thinks you are young, misguided, inexperienced, and that she really knows better. Corey spent her 1st year with a nanny like this, and it was a constant struggle for me to impress upon her that I did, in fact, know what I was doing (she was my 3rd kid, and I was 37 at the time). I had the same fears about pissing off/insulting her, and kept thinking how lucky I was to have someone so competent. And yet, little by little she was eroding my peace of mind, albeit subtley. In the end, the same types of conflicts kept coming up, culminating in a HUGE argument b/c I wouldn't allow her to run her errands while watching Corey. We went our seperate ways, and only after I got some distance and hired someone far more in tune with my style of parenting did I realize how wrong that whole relationship was. If you can't trust her to follow your instructions, however insignificant they may seem to her, she is the wrong person to be watching your child. Trust me on this one. I've been there.

Emeraldsmom replied: You are not paranoid at all. I totally think you should bring it up to her. I have kinda the same fear w/my own mom. She watches Emerald while I work 3 days a week. She keeps telling me, "I gave all you kids rice cereal in your bottle when you were 2 months old." I try to tell her that I don't want to do that and I want to follow what my doctor says since Emerald is in the 90th percentile of her weight and doing very well. I don't notice anything different in Emerald but it is always in the back of my mind if she is giving her cereal or not. I don't think she is and I hope your babysitter isn't either. Good luck.

Josie83 replied: Sorry my reply is so late! Did u confront your nanny? I don't think u are wrong to be paranoid, at the end of the day its your baby. I would ask her in a non-accusator way if she's been gving it to him and take it from there. Good luck and tell us how it goes!

MichaelsMommy replied: Well I confronted her yesterday and she told me the cereal was
there for the 1 1/2 yr old and when I say it's time that is when
she will will do it. I don't know if I believe her, but if she was
maybe she will not do it again because I approached her about it.
Not sure what else I can do at this point other then keep a close eye
on him and if it seems like she's still doing it - look for another nanny.
I can't stand these situations because I question myself if I'm being
over protective or dreaming things up.

Thanks for all your replies good to know I'm not the only one!

Mommy2BAK replied: Well thats good news.

After reading what others have had to say I think I agree that if she is a good nannny and she has his best interest at heart then don't consider getting another nanny, good help is hard to find.

And it won't be long when he is ready for cereal and you won't have to worry about it.