Overwhelmed - just a vent

flirtycuddle wrote: I have a beautiful 18 month old lil girl and precious 3 week old son. I also have a df that is a pain in the you know what. I had a c-section on July 12 and ended up having it rip open and get infected so I was in quiet a bit of pain on top of the normal stuff at first. Even with the c-section and such my df didnt help at all with anything. I was teh one changing our dd and bathing her and feeding her and all that..I still am now. Not to mention all that with our son also. I get up every morning after being up wtih the baby 4 times a night now and there is garbage all over the place and dishes everywhere. So I clean it all up and tehn take HIS dog out so he doesnt do anything in the house that I would then have to clean up. My df only works 20 hours if that a week but yet he comes home and plays on the dam computer....I swear I would shut off the dam internet but I use it daily when both kids are napping. My showers are taken with my dd watching me or in the tub with me and even then I hurry up so that if ds starts crying I can feed him or what not cuz df will just tell him to shush your mom is busy. WTH he is sitting 2 seconds from our son and wont even get up to comfort him. I wanted to go to walmart yesterday to get diapers that he kept "forgetting" and he flipped out thinking he had to watch both kids. I feel like i am depriving both of my kids cuz I always end up having one cry when i am trying to change or what not the other...df still just sits on his butt playing games or looking to buy more computers. I mean last week he took the last of our money and bougth 5 computers that dont even work and then had to borrow money to get our son formula and our dd diapers when he knew dam well we have to buy the formula this month cuz of WIC. He gets all mad at me cuz the laundry isnt done when he goes to work but when the heck can I leave the hosue to go to the laundry mat around the back of our complex when we have 2 kids and I am the only adult home? Then if I do try to go get some food from the store he says heck no cuz he doesnt want to be left with both or tells me to take one with me. Yet he can go anywhere he wants with no kids in tow. By 9pm I am beyond tired and put our dd to bed and at first he flipped otu the first night home iwth ds cuz he had to watch ds while I kept the bedtime routine for dd. I feel like he doesnt give a darn about our kids and feels like he doesnt have to do anythign for them. He wonders why I never want to spend time with him or do anything with him but yet he never listens when I try to tell him. Oh yea on top of it he spends all night on the computer talking to girls off myspace or girls that are his ex's that live in Vegas(we are in az) and he wants us to move back to vegas but I dont trust him enough to leave everythign and move. I mean I feel like he'll get me and the kids back in vegas and then decide he wants one of these other girls(i've seen some convos with them and he tells them he still has feelings and such). He tells me he loves me all the time and such but I dont feel the same way anymore. this is not what I wanted for my kids or me

mckayleesmom replied: Do you have any family that you can turn to? I would seriously pack my babies up and high tail it out of that situation. I would take the computer too...and break the ones he bought with a baseball bat.

flirtycuddle replied: We are staying with my brother and I have no where else to go and neither does he. I want to tell him to shspe up get the hell out but everytime I do he threatens to take our daughter. his parents have some high ranking lawyers on retainer so I thnk he could get her cuz i don't work. Shoot his parents just paid for him to get a paternity test on both kids and she told him not to tell me. They are his kids without a doubt(no other guys even near me) and I don't care that he got them but to have his mom want it hidden from me is bs. Both of the kids were a surprise and both times he asked me to get an abortion but there was no way in hell I would. Now Jackie is his baby girl but he has yet to even hold his son fir more then 10 mins total. Our son is 3weeks by the way. Even when we were in the hossy he just played with his new phone and was only there 1 night.With our daughter he was there with me the 6 days but was afraid to hold her cuz of the NICU and wires. i feel so down about everything. I feel like I should have known he'd pull the same crap he did when Jackie was born but I thought since he'd been through it once hed be fine this time.

luvmykids replied: If you ask me, the girls on the internet is ridiculous and unacceptable. As far as him not holding your son, as much as it hurts, I know a lot of guys just aren't interested yet when they're so small and not doing anything "fun". Not agreeing with it, just saying your DF isn't the only one.

The whole thing sounds miserable and I wish I had some advice, the only thing I would say is this guy does not sound like marriage material. When are you supposed to be getting married?

Lots of hugs

C&K*s Mommie replied:

flirtycuddle replied: In nov but i keep putting off planing any details. I know a lot of guys don't interact when they are this young and he didn't start with our daughter till I left him and took her with me a month after having her. After I did leave he finally realized what he was doing and changed....that lasted till i got preg with our son.

gr33n3y3z replied: Just be stright up tell him to help out or get out
bc your doing it all on your own any way.

TheOaf66 replied:
The computer thing, ridiculous I agree, he obviously is not thinking about you. He sounds pretty self-centered and sees the kids as a crimp on him. The situation with him not being involved with the kids, I will admit when tanner was a baby he was kind of dull, he never did anything but spit bubbles and poop but never in my days did I ignore him and saying that because he did not do anything fun that I should feel seperated from him that is just crap. Tanner is one of the most important things in my life and even if I am upset at him for something he did, I wouldn't trade him for the world or would I separate from him. This guy is a deadbeat and he is not someone you want around your kids, boot his *ss out. He has no where to go...tell him to go to Vegas and be with one of his ex's, you are setting yourself up for trouble.

CantWait replied: Staying with YOUR brother??? Case solved. Kick your lazy a** df to the curb and tell him to move out. I'm sure if your brother is nice enough to have that trash around, he won't mind helping out his sister and kids with a place to stay.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
DITTO ALL THE WAY! If you have even one inch of doubt, kick him to the curb NOW! You are better off alone with your two children than to be with him. There is someone better out there that will want a family with you and your children. He's garbage!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ok...can I be honest? Why the heck would you want to stay with someone who is like that? That's a pretty big clue if you ask me. Someone who was marriage or father material would have better morals than that. That's not love. Anyone can say those words, meaning it and showing it is another. Kick him out. Worry about the rest later. You'll be glad you did it. Trust me.

Kaitlin'smom replied: KICK HIM OUT. If your worried about lawyers and the kids then start a file and LOG EVERYTHING, get a journal and Takes nots of what he does/does not do. When you see theses chats print them out. keep records of everything. So what if you dont work, does not mean your a bad parent. You can always get a job. Get your ducks in a row and kick him OUT!

flirtycuddle replied: I already have all the convos printed and saved where he cannt find them. My mom and brother also see what he just doesnt do and so does my dad. I don't know if that would really help at all though cuz they are my family and he can say they are just saying that to make him look bad. i know I can do it on my own seeing as I am anyway and I have left him before when our daughter was born. That time though he didn't really have a relationship with our daughter so he didn't care that I took her and moved 2 states away till i was gone. Now I regret ever getting back with him but at the same time am happy cuz now I have my son. I have told him I would go get a job but he works such a messed up schedule that I cannt work around him and we dont have the 300 a week for day care for 2 kids.

7thHeaven replied: Sweetie, I'm sorry that your going through this. He does not sound like marriage material AT ALL!! And the girls on the internet...Ummmm, No! He would have been gone!! I agree with everyone else, kick him to the curb and get out while you can, for you and your babies.

And seeing that he never helps out with the kids, he's dreaming pretty big to think he could take them away from you, doesn't even seem like he can change a diaper! Hold onto those convo's and for humor maybe he can change his son's diaper in court, that's evidence enough that he doesn't know how to care for any of his children!

I'll be praying for you and your little ones.

CantWait replied:
What does you getting a job have to do with it????? What you're going to work full-time and then come home and pick up after him because he doesn't have the respect for you to either lend a hand or at least pick up after himself. Seriously, if you want to work full-time, then do it for yourself cause gaurenteed you'll be able to keep the house and work at the same time no problem if it's just yourself and the kids.