Okay guys I really need to talk NOW

coasterqueen wrote: Dh just called me and said that his work has asked him to go to New Orleans thru FEMA as part as the disaster relief efforts. He has to commit to 90 days with only being able to come home ONE weekend each month, if he's going to take the offer. He would get paid regular time over his regular hours. Basically overtime pay but he used to get time and a half and not it's just time. If he takes this we don't know when he'll leave because I asked him what about Kylie's birthday, what about thanksgiving, etc? After 90 days it's voluntary as to whether how long he wants to work there.

He got the impression from his boss that he SHOULD take this because they are laying off people there, it's slow, yada yada yada.

I'm just so scared. I know that Ryan thinks this whole thing would be very intriguing, good for his resume and stuff but there is a huge part of me that doesn't want him to go. What about all the milestones he will miss with Megan? Will she remember him? One weekend a month is not much for a 3 month period.

I'm also scared about being a single WORKING parent for 3 months but I will handle it if I have to. I'm more concerned about if Megan will remember him and will Kylie hate him for being gone. How will I explain this to them. Will they lose that close bond with him if he goes?

Edit to say that I'm not sure how long they've given him to decide. He was going to ask a few questions and then we'll talk about it. Only prob is MIL is visiting tonight so it will be late before him and I can really talk about this.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh no!!! That is an awful long time. Let us know more when you find out. Geez, that really stinks!!!

booey2 replied: I am not sure what to say, other than he is a brave man for thinking about it. You will make the right decision I am sure. Hugs and calming vibes headed your way.

kayla's mama replied: Wow!!! Thats a long time to be away from family. I'm sure that ya'll will make the right decision. We are all here for you. Hugs going your away

dolfinrse replied: I hope things work out for you and dh, with whatever you decide together.

gr33n3y3z replied: If my husband came home tomorrow and said I would like to go I would tell him to go But my children are all grown for the most part.

But this is a decission the both of you have to make. And its true you dont have much time to think about it.


Good luck with your decission

kimberley replied: oh gosh that is a tough situation. you don't want him to lose his job or miss an opportunity but you also don't want to be alone and the kids to miss him. will he have regular phone/internet access? can you get someone to help you? if you have a web cam then you can do chats with the girls every couple of days so it is not too traumatic for them. but kids are resiliant and will get by and remember him. you will need a break too so if he does go, can you try to line up someone to relieve you once in a while with the girls? my p&pt are with you. pls keep us posted.

coasterqueen replied:
I don't know how many hours a week he will work, they told him anywhere from 70 to 80 hours a week. We'll MAKE time to see each other via computer webcam. I guess I'm just so worried about the girls. Sure Kylie will get to see him via webcam and hear his voice but what about Megan. Ugh, I shouldn't even get worried til he makes his decision.

As far as me I'll make it (hopefully with my sanity). I'll have to enlist my parents to help more. SIGH.

redchief replied:
Karen,

I know this program. I had half a dozen firefighters in it last year after those storms devestated the south and Ohio valley. I just wanted to let you know that there is no guarantee that he'll be able to come home one weekend. A lot will depend on how heavy the work load is and what he is tasked to. Having said that, our people who went last year all felt very good about what they did and most would return if asked (and I'm pretty sure some of my guys will be going). I'd do it myself if it wasn't for my responsibilities here.

chloe&tysmommy replied: wow that is a tough decision I hope everything works out for you guys! let us know what you decide...in the meantime lots of your way!

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks Ed. I know this would be such a great opportunity and those people over there need him more than we do. I know I could deal with him being gone if I had to. I'm just so worried about the girls. Megan is only 5 months. If I knew she would remember him ok and they all three of them wouldn't lose that bond I would feel more comfortable.

A&A'smommy replied: OH hun that is a VERY hard decision while it would be a WONDERFUL thing for him to do he would miss so much at home.... I don't know what I would do... Good luck with your decision I'm sending lots of prayers that whatever you two decide that he should do would be a comfortable decision!!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Aww Karen. I know what you mean. I worry about you too girl.

Working and being lonely. Taking care of the girls.. you are strong and can do it. I will be there for you..

It will be hard on the girls at first.. but they will get into the routine and be okay.

I hope and pray you make the best decision for your family..

We will be here for you no matter what???

kit_kats_mom replied: Oh goodness. What a hard decision.

We have a family friend who works for FEMA & he's been gone for months at a time during FL's hurricanes. However his DD is 14 and he really did it for the money. He worked 18 hour days for a long time but the opportunity has literally pulled them out of poverty.

There are so many factors to consider.
Family, how will the girls react?
Financial, could this put you guys into a more stable financial position or will it not really help much at all?
His job, if he dosen't take it, will he still have a job in the future?
Your mental health, would you be able to handle it on your own? Do you have a good enough support system in place to get help if needed?

Since I'm such an organized freako, I'd probably write down all of the things that have possible repurcussions to his leaving and any questions, concerns etc you may have about each point. Then go over it with him. Having an actual check list to write down pros and cons will keep the conversation on track and it will help to keep the emotion out of it. The key is both of you need to be honest will all concerns

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

redchief replied:
Hmmm... sounds like you're considering it. Five months? She'll remember him, but can you say, "You have to phone your children everynight." ?

It really is very rewarding, even though at first all our guys thought they were doing was pushing paperwork. Unless he's a contractor under contract to do cleanup work, most of what the FEMA work entails is helping people get the disaster aid paperwork done. It sounds boring, but the paperwork needs to be done and done properly or those poor people will never get around to getting their lives rebuilt. Most of my guys ended up in Ohio. This was a big surprise to them since everyone was sent out of Atlanta and few people even thought the hurricanes could have have devestated lives so far north of landfall.

coasterqueen replied: Ed,

I'm not sure what he would be doing. He is an electrical engineer so I'm assuming it would be something like that. Course it could be drawings, estimating, etc. Not sure.

My2Beauties replied: Oh man I just typed this huge long post and it timed out on me

Anyways here it goes again. Here is my honest answer to this - Karen I could not go that long without my DH, I woudn't do it. I am having the hardest time right now being away from mine and he isn't going to be gone for 90 days and he gets to come home every weekend and this has been extremely hard for me. I have had to do everything, pick her up from the sitter, get hre ready in the morning, feed, her bathe her, put her to bed, play with and entertain her, discipline her - EVERYTHING and it's driving me crazy! I don't see how single moms do it. I cry at night because I miss him so much, I am scared by myself, I am really missing him a lot.

ANother thing - Hanna is taking this bad. It is awful, she looks out the door and says daddy's bye bye and looks really sad, when he comes home she is happy to see him but she shys away from him a lot more, it's like she doesn't trust him, I think it's really hurting his feelings She clings to me now so much, she is really afraid when I leave her, like Im not coming back! FIL has Brian's car right now from where it was wrecked and when she sees it she is like daddy's car daddy's car thinking he's home - I mean it's just really been hard! I mean 2 days a month is not a lot of time Karen - I'm having a hard time with 2 days a week So I would think long and hard about this - that is an awfully long time!! I'm just giving you my two cents hon - I don't know if you've ever been away from your DH for a long period of time - but at least for me this has been really hard and I hate sounding whiny but I'm going crazy by myself, I haven't been away from him but one night in the almost 4 years we have been toghether!

mammag replied: I don't know what to say Karen. I don't think I could do it. I know lots of people do it, I'm just not strong enough, I would end up getting depressed I think. The kids will probably be fine. I suspect it would be harder on Kylie than Megan though.

Lots of hugs for you! Good luck making your decision.

luvbug00 replied: I don't know what to say but I hope it works out for the best.

ions_momma replied: Wow! Thats definatly a tough situation! I hope it works out for the best!

~KARA~ replied: Just remember you have all of us here!! I know its not the same as having your dh around. I know it will suck not having him there to see all the milestons the girls go throught but thats where you have to video all them for him to watch when he gets back. I think as long as the girls can "talk" to him on a regular basis they would be fine.

Im sure you guys will think of everything to discuss and that the right decision would be made.

mckayleesmom replied: Well....my dh hasn't been gone for 3 months in a row.....but he is gone 3 weeks...then home 2....gone 3....home 2. You get the picture. Honestly I was really nervous about it, but Im doing really good actually. It has given me a new found independence and I feel stronger about myself as a mom. Mckaylee and Russell always remember daddy.....they are very excited when they see him and Mckaylee will ask about him or she says "daddy is at work". She never seems sad about it. THe first day he leaves she will ask where he is a couple times, but then she will remember and say "daddy is at work making us moneez", and thats the end of that. The girls and you will do fine. It might be hard at first, but it will get easier....and think of all the Megans and Kylies he will be helping.

3xsthefun replied: I really don't know what to say either. I just hope that everything works out for the best. I know that I could not do it, I would worry myself to death. Heck, I drive myself crazy if my hubby is gone for a weekend.

amynicole21 replied: Wow. I don't know what I would do!! I could handle being away from him, but I'm not sure the kids could. Not to mention having to do everything myself - I think I'd go bonkers. I really hope he takes all of your worries into consideration. Make sure you really talk this through. I'm sure it would be a great opportunity, but you want to make sure you are both on the same page.

mummy2girls replied: oh hun that is a tough one! Tell him if he does go to phone the girls everyday. i know its hard and your thinking of your girls and how they will be affected. Im sure they wont forget him. My friends hubby worked out of town up to 3 months at a time and their youngest was 2 months old. And to this day that child and his daddy is so close! have those web cam chats and have megan be there when you do it. This way she can still see and hear his voice everyday!

im used to being on my own with jenna because of being a single mom but if i was married i would go crazy being away from my hubby that long:(

Update when you can!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Sounds tough....

I`m sure the kids will take it hard at first - but if they`re anything like mine - they will talk about him all the time, and will be satisfied knowing where he is.

Kids are resilient. THey`ll remember him. My kids see my mom and my grandmother once a month.... and they`re SOOOO excited when they do, even if it is only for a day.

Good luck in your decision

Boys r us replied: That is scary!! how far away is this from your home? Could you take the girls down once a month so that basically they are seeing him every other weekend?
Even that would be hard, I know!

Good luck making your decision!

DansMom replied: What a decision to make! I think if he really wants the experience and it will bolster your income, it might be worth the sacrifice. On the other hand, I can't imagine managing two children and a job for that extended of a period without DH. If you think you won't be able to manage without losing your mind, it probably isn't worth it. How much time do you have to decide?