Okay, I must vent about Not Dear Husband

coasterqueen wrote: I just had lunch with Dh a bit ago and I left not even telling him goodbye or anything. I just walked away from him and went back to work and left him stranded downtown! He had to walk back to his car himself, poor baby.

Last year we decided to finish our basement. We built our home almost 5 years ago and couldn't afford to finish the basement then. We wanted to get it finished now because we are using a storage facility for our stuff now and it costs $40 a month plus we are using a spare bedroom which will be baby #2's bedroom right now for storage. AND our den has become storage. So Dh did the electrical work, did the insulation except we still have the ceiling to do, and we hung drywall all last year.

In January or February (cant' remember when) we had to stop because we ran out of money. At that time DH said we could get a loan for some money to help finish the basement but we wouldn't be able to get it all done. He said we could do that in May. I said ok, deal, sounds good to me. So at the end of April I asked him if we were going to do it still and he said May 15 we could do it after we made our mortgage payment. I said ok. He emailed me at end of May and said paperwork is in the mail as soon as we sign it we are good to go (before May 15). I got so excited because it will be nice to not have things stacked up every where in these other rooms plus I want at least the den done downstairs before we get pg with #2 so I could help him do the work down there. So I asked him Monday why the papers haven't come yet and he said he didn't know and asked why I was so excited about it. I told him why and that was that.

Well today at lunch I asked him again why we haven't seen the paperwork and he said he didn't know and so I asked him why he didn't seem excited about going forward with it. Afterall the basement is going to be HIS PLAYROOM, not mine. It just means I have more room upstairs, that's all. He told me he wasn't excited because we don't have the money to even pay the loan. WHAT?????? I have 2 extra jobs now and gave up my cleaning lady so we could do this and we don't have the money????????? Granted one of my other jobs is in the red now until I get my business off the ground, but that's on the credit card, which I'm working REALLY hard to get at least to zero on it, but the other job is pulling in an extra $250 a month plus the $140 we save in cleaning.

I'm just so angry. I get so sick and tired of him saying we never have the money. I know we probably don't, unfortunately, but then why did he get my hopes up about doing this???????? I really hate him right now. He's always getting my hopes up about something only to crash them later.

I wouldn't be so upset if I didn't have TWO extra jobs, but I'm busting my butt trying to help. When I ask him why he won't do something "extra" he tells me he pulls in more money than me in just my one job. He could go do painting for 4 hours on the weekend and make over $1000 in 4 hours.

Sorry I just had to vent! Thanks for listening.

amynicole21 replied: Ugh! So did he send the papers of at all? Is he saying that you aren't going to get the loan anymore? That really sucks, Karen I would be really pi##ed off too! I know how hard you have been working lately, and that you have really been conscious about your spending (like when you returned the facial products at the spa). I think he needs to give you a better explanation.

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks Amy. Well, I know the bank is sending the papers, but not sure when. Not sure if we'll get the loan. I just don't understand. Course Dh is always on some tangent about us not having any money. Why am I working at all then if we aren't going to have any anyways??? Grrr. What makes me more mad is if I ask to buy something he'll say yes or no. Ok, I understand, but when he tells me yes and I buy it then why is he telling me we don't have the money afterwards??? Grrrrr. MEN!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm sorry your husband did this too you! It's hard, I would confront him though and find out why he didn't send the papers in. Also sit down with him and find out where all your money is going, what bills you have and what other expenses you have. Maybe you need to go to the bank together and apply for a consolidation loan! Good Luck!

kimberley replied: hugs Karen. sorry DH is being such a jerk. it sucks when money is tight and even moreso when DH makes promises he can't keep. i hope you guys find some way to figure it out.

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww I am sorry.... how frustrating that must be. Sounds like maybe since you are working so hard you should be in on where all the money goes.....that might help you better understand.

kit_kats_mom replied: Money can be such an issue in any marriage, even when you have a lot of it. It often is a control thing. Does he do the money? What I mean is, does he pay all of the bills, track spending etc and if so, does he use Quicken or some other money tracking software? I know that DH would get irritated with me when he would want to get something expensive and I would tell him that there wansn't any money. The problem was, he was just asking on the wrong days like right before payday. Anyway, since I've been doing everything in quicken, I've invited him to look over our spending. He now sees that no, we don't have tons of $ left over each month but that's because I'm putting everything I can towards paying of our remaining debt. Maybe if both of you had access to "where the money goes" it would make you feel better.

coasterqueen replied:
Yeah he uses some software program and I do have access to it and know where money usually goes, but I try not to pay attention to it, lol. He took over the expenses several years ago when he found out I got happy with the credit cards and we got into a lot of debt because of my stupid spending.

I know money is already tight, always has been, but with the extra i'm bringing in I thought we'd be ok to do this.

chloe&tysmommy replied: aww what a pi$$ off! I hope you guys can figure something out soon and get your basement finished!

jen replied: Well that really sucks. I am so sorry. I hope you guys figure it out! I am sure you will! You have been working really hard, I know how it feels, maybe things will turn around next month. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

jem0622 replied: I'm sorry that you are frustrated. He never should have brought up finishing by 'x' if he was uncertain about anything. I still don't get the work schedule though. I mean, I honestly couldn't pick up a second job b/c that would mean daycare we cannot afford. DH works during the times that I don't. And if you are still in the red then it sounds like you working isn't paying off. That is why we had DH stay home during the day and we wouldn't use daycare at all and then figure it out from there.

I think the really bad part of all of this is how DH surprised you about the matter and almost left you feeling like you are not doing enough. KWIM? That was WRONG on his part.

What do you have left to do in the basement? Could you literally by drywall a sheet at a time when the budget permits and put things up in baby steps?

The carpet could come later. Seriously. You could use accent rugs or something to make due. And get some rather CHEAP furniture from hand-me-down places. Eventually you will get where you want but for now just make do.

HUGS

coasterqueen replied: Thanks Julie. Well the one job, AHA, is not taking off so well, so I don't spend a lot of time on it right now, except after Kylie is asleep. The third job is just a few hours on a weekend morning and DH/Kylie went with me. So I'm only gone all day with my original job. DH is an electrical engineer, he couldn't get a job different than mine and my benefits are too great for me to leave mine and change hours.

We actually do have the drywall up. We just haven't finished it, meaning taping seams, etc. After that we have to do "finish" electrical work, put a drop ceiling in, doors and trim, which is expensive and then carpet, toilet, sink, etc. The bar and furniture is going to be a LONG way off. We actually only need to finish one room down there right now and that would be fine.

We did all we could so far with just paying for things here or there, but now the finished drywalling is next in line and is couple thousand dollars that we don't have all at once.

I'm sure it will get done somehow, I jsut get so angry at him for always making me feel this way.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

I can so relate. My DH does this same thing to me. Our house is not complete and whenever I say anything about it, it is always the same answer..."We don't have the money for that right now, Aimee!" But, he feels free to talk about fixing up the house and all these projects he has planned...HELLO! When are you planning on doing all these things???? He also never tells me no when I ask him if we have the money for the little things. He takes care of the finances and I thought all along he was putting money aside for our projects. but he wasn't. *sigh* Come to find out I have been spending that money unknowingly b/c he can't tell me "no".

Elle replied: Ugh, that sucks
I'm sorry Karen, I'm not sure of what to say right now... I wish I could help

A&A'smommy replied: awww I'm sorry sweetie! (((((BIG HUGS)))))

MommyToAshley replied: Oh Karen, I am sorry that he did that to you. If he had just been honest in the first place instead of getting your hopes up then maybe you wouldn't be so upset right now.

Maybe you and your DH can come up with a plan to save for the basement or to pay for the loan. I know you have worked so hard and given up some luxuries ... it sounds like you have done your part! Since your extra jobs are extra income that you didn't have before, could you put that money in a separate account for your basement? Just a thought.

coasterqueen replied:
OMG Aimee! That's what is going on with my DH. I found out last night I was spending the money he "says" he was putting aside. Grrrr. What's the deal??? Men!!!!