Ok I need your help - Please talk me thru this one!

TANNER'S MOM wrote: I am upset now and I am confused. This got long sorry!

My DH has a job where he works 4 days a week and those days rotate..4 12's. 6 to 6 Like this week was Wed thru Sat..and next week will be Thurs thru Sun..see how that works.

When he started his job he worked one month of nights and then rotated to one month of nights...well he did what they call LOCKED IN with someone else who only wanted to work nights due to family needs/

Well.. Here is where it gets hairy.

Dh bid on a job w/ out talking to me. It is what they call a MAINTAINER postition, it gets him off the LINE and makes him more of a supervisor. He gets a nice raise.. He will be making 22.57 an hour for 46 hrs a week..guarantee'd 6 hours overtime with the option of more every week..like work 6 days instead of 4 etc.

Well the money is GOOD money for here in Arkansas. That is what some RN's make.. I am saying that meaning college educated people in this area don't usually make that much. Teacher make 30 a year and he already makes way more than that.. computer programers here maybe 40 a year and ...low pay scale ..low cost of living!

Well this all sounds GREAT.. but of course there is a catch..

He has to go back to one month of nights 6 at night until 6 in the morning and one month of days again. When he works the nights...I actually leave for work b4 he gets home and He leaves b4 I do. I hate it, it is lonely. It was hard to deal with..and I hated it. I feel like life has been so much better since he went to days only. But we have been in a tight spot w/money. I mean we are making our bills but not alot a lot left over any more. Having to watch I spend etc..and this would take care of that.. but is it worth the cost.

Dh feels I am not supporting him. He is on cloud 9. He feels like his work finally saw what a great worker he is..and I am proud of him for that.. but it is a total catch 22..

Talk to me ladies..Sorry long..

Kaitlin'smom replied: I know it sucks but its only a month right? and I getting it right? At least he is look to improve and move up, instead of staying put. I know its going to be hard and if I read it right and its only for a month, tell him to go for it and that your proud of him. Just also talk to him and say I know you want to do this I support you but can we plaes make sure we set time asside for us and time for family. that way your supporting him and working on keeping things smooth.

does any of this make sence I am pretty tired....hope i am not confusing

TANNER'S MOM replied: Di,

It's not just one month... It is one complete one month of nights and then one complete month of days...for ever. Rotate every month....never the same..

It is strange I know! At the end of the year he has worked 6 months days and 6 months nights.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: It sounds a lot like the shifts my dad works. Only he works 8 to 8. That makes it a bit easier on mom. Gosh Mel...I can see where this would upset you. That is a big decision for him to make without talking to you first. I'm sure he was thinking of the family when he did it. I know you will miss him greatly, but if he is only working 4 days a week those other three will be that much more special. Hang in there. I bet you will find a way to work it out. My gosh, what our men do to make a living. I haven't seen Scotty all week. And I don't even work outside of the home. Not to mention the kids haven't seen him, either. There is always Sunday. *sigh* Hopefully he won't be too tired to 'play' with us then.

Boys r us replied: Wow, that was a big decision to be made all on his own!! but I can see why he's on cloud 9 and I can also see why you're a little aprehensive about it also!

If this is what's best for your family right now, then I say he should go for it..It's only 4 days out of the week..that leaves almost half of the week for family bonding..just try t look at the positives right now. I know it's not easy!! But you know how men are when it comes to being the bread winner and supporting their families!! It's SO important to them..so this is probably huge for your Dh!!

TANNER'S MOM replied: I think you guys are right. He is soo happy and I love to see him happy!

He actually gets 4 days off not 3..4 and 4 they make up there own weeks.

But he works so much doing odd job on those days off, cattle, horses but he is home by the time the kids are..

Maybe he wont have to work as hard!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: 4 days on 4 days off...Girl I would fall over dead if Scotty had a schedule like that. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. Of course the nights would be hardest and I know where you are coming from. My dad also has 4 days off/4 days on. He is off this weekend and I'm supposed to go see them, but Tater has fever and I'm feeling crappy, too.

Geez, how did I get off on that? Sorry to invade your post. I must be lonely tonight!

3_call_me_mama replied: That is a tough one . He's feeling great and your feeling lonely. It's hard to show your feelings do that you don't upset him, but be honest with him. Tell him you loe that fact that he is moving up in his job, that he is becoming sucessful, that he is getting a raise and that he is feeling great about himself, but you don;t like the hours, the lonelyness or the crazy rotating schedule. Make sure he knows that you are going to MISS HIM! Aboe and beyond all other reasons, that will make him realize that you do support him but are not very happy about all the changes, and maek ti clear that you need time for the two of you together( yeah listen to me who hasn't had a date with her DH in .. oh i can't remember when!) and that he needs time to have family time too. If you can swing those things, maybe it will work great (and maybe you can even work LESS!) Wouldn't that be great!

Kaitlin'smom replied:
okay, wow that is a lot and for him not to even talk to you about it before wow. that is a bit strange schedule but I am sure you guys can work something out, and I guess 4 days a week is not so bad when you have 4 to find time together.

SOUTHERN MOMMY replied: WOW He should have talked with you first but that is a man for you. Like, a week ago when my husband failed to tell me that his partner was going to be gone for three weeks and that means that he will be on call 24/7 for 21 strait days with not only his patients but the other doctors to WHAT ARE THEY THINKING SOMETIMES Hang in there things will get better he only means well for youe family (you gotta love them) I GUESS

gr33n3y3z replied: Ok if I get this right

My hubby works 6am to 6pm or 6pm to 6am at one job
And on his days off from being an E.M.T. he is working his other job or doing both on some days

On these days 6pm to 6am he works another job also which means he is never home ..... he works for the family bussines

You will get used to it Mel trust me
Its hard at first but gets easy

CCTandME replied: This is coming from someone who works opposite shifts of SO. IT SUCKS!! He comes home, I leave. He is up and out before I get up and we do it all over again. We do it for now because we NEED to. Life was a little better when I wasn't working nights (after I had Teagan). Ofcourse, money got tight again, so I am back to nights. He may be on cloud 9 now, but it can also wear on the family quickly. I know! Does he have the option of switching back if this doesn't work out for your family? How often do bids come up?

coasterqueen replied: Yikes! That would be stressful, but if it's what he would really want I would support him. That's a very tough situation and one I'd have a hard time making a decision. :grouphug;

bwalkerletters replied: Well, Mel, I work that same sort of schedule, and I know how hard it is on you. Mine is a little different.......I work a week on/week off schedule. One week I'll work days, then be off a week, then work nights a week, then be off a week. I haven't heard of working a whole month of days, then a whole month of nights. That right there would definitely make it ever harder, not only for you, but for him too. I like working nights due to it being more laid back, but I don't like it because it's almost like having no life for a week. So, even though he made this decision, I would say that it's going to be tough for him, too. I'm sure he had your family in mind when making this decision though.