OMG. What do I do - Lexi's teacher called

lisar wrote: Let me give you a little back ground first. There is this kid in her class named "Amber" well her and Lexi were friends at first until Amber kept getting her into trouble. The teacher even told me to get her away from Amber. So we did. And then I started having a problem with her 5th grade sister threatening to beat up Lexi. So I told Lexi if she said anything again to let me know. So she hasnt said anything so I havent worried about it. Well not to today:
Her teacher called me and told me that while Amber and Lexi and another girl were in the bathroom, Lexi took off her glasses washed them and sat them on the counter and then went into a stall to go pee. Well Amber took her glasses threw them on the ground and stomped them into a million pieces. Lexi was really upset. So the teacher has talked to her and told her about friends and what they are and how your friends are supposed to treat you. She thought she was going to be in trouble so I reassured her she wasnt in trouble. I am wanting to know if Amber's mom is willing to buy Lexi a new pair of glasses though. Anyways Amber got suspended for 3 days for this. (this isnt the only thing this kid has done this year) So now I am worried about the 5th grade sister getting on Lexi at after school care. So when I get there today I am going to have a talk with the after school teachers to let them know about this and for them to keep an eye on this 5th grader. If it were just Lexi and Amber I wouldnt worry at all. But I dont want a 5th grader jumping on my 2nd grader.

Thank you for letting me vent. I am just a little upset about this.

cameragirl21 replied: OMG, Lisa, how awful, poor Lexi.
Well, I would say something to this fifth grader's teacher as well as the principal because people need to be aware of the possible threat. I'd also call Amber's mom and tell her she owes me a new pair of glasses and that I am concerned about her fifth grader's threats against my child. This is not exactly a fair fight and shouldn't be happening. Whether or not she actually pay for the glasses is another story but mad as you are, and I would be too, believe me, I'd try to approach the mother nicely at first because it's better to have her as an ally so that she can set her kids straight about Lexi and fighting and if that doesn't work then I'd be not so nice. The fact that she has such screwed up kids is a testament to her wonderful parenting, though, so Idk how much I'd expect from her.
And I know some of you may say that I'm unfairly judging her and I don't mean to but c'mon, how many of you think that when a kid stomps on someone's glasses without provocation and then has her older sister threatening a little kid...how many of you think it's normal and that there is nothing "weird" potentially going on in that house...?
I'm glad Amber got suspended for three days, she more than deserves it.

mckayleesmom replied: OMG...that is horrible..Poor Lexi.

I would be so ticked. Did the school call the police? Maybe a little warning from a cop would put the 2 girls in their place and a report might make the mom responsible for the glasses.

cameragirl21 replied:
That is a great idea, didn't you say you know a cop in Jax, Lisa? Maybe ask him to pay a visit to their home and fill out a report and explain the seriousness of what happened to those girls and their mother.
Bet that would put an end to things.

CantWait replied:

MoonMama replied:
I agree.

Poor Lexi! I would be livid!

I think its high time to get their mom involved and I also think their mom needs to cover the cost of Lexi's new glasses.

KUP, I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this.

lisar replied: This is what I found out today when I went up there:

The 2 girls are being raised by their grand-mother. Why because their dad was killed in Iraq and 1 month after their dad their mom killed herself. So now I know why the little girls are acting out. The grandmother offered to pay for a new pair of glasses but they are covered under the warranty so I just dropped them off to be replaced. I did tell them about the 5th grader threatening to beat up Lexi and they all said that the 5th grader wouldnt do it, that its Amber telling everyone that she will. Even the 5th grader said she wouldnt do it cause she aint gona beat up on some smaller kid. The teachers said that the 5th grader has coped with her parents thing ALOT better than the little one and she is always trying to help her sister. They said Amber is in counseling twice a week for this and they are just trying to help her anyway they can. So I am not gona call the cops or anything and like I said the glasses are covered under the warranty. Although I have told Lexi she is NOT allowed to play with, or talk to Amber again. But I feel so bad for the 2 little girls and the grandmother that is having to deal with all of this.

ZandersMama replied:

boyohboyohboy replied: oh lisa what a mess. I still feel bad for lexi, and also for the girls..I really hope the grandma takes this incident and realizes that the girls need some therapy and maybe the school can help there too.

msoulz replied: That is the saddest thing. I sure hope those babies get the help they need. And I hope Lexi is OK with all of this.

lisar replied:
Lexi is fine with it. Apparently Amber talks to Lexi all the time about her parents. And that is why Lexi never tells on her because Lexi feels bad for her and doesnt want to get her into any trouble. But when it came to her glasses she knew she had to tell because she knew I would get onto her. But she is fine with it, we have talked about it and she said "Mommy I just wanted to punch her" I told she did the right thing in not hitting her and telling on her instead.

CantWait replied:
Oh gosh that's hearthearting. Good thing that the girls are getting help though.

msoulz replied:
Lexi sounds like a sweetie, and very caring yet mature enough to know when to draw the line. That is awesome.

jem0622 replied: You need a conference with her parents present and you need to be asked to be reimbursed for the glasses.

So very sorry. Mean people suck! HUGS

youngmomofone replied: That is heartbreaking those two girls lost both of their parents. Glad that everything is worked out in the end, and hopefully there will be no more incidents with Amber and your daughter.

Danalana replied: Lisa, that girl's mother absolutely should buy Lexi new glasses! I used to work in a vision center, and we have made glasses for kids before that were being paid for by the parents of a kid who ruined them. You should check into it.
Poor Lexi--I pray it works out fine.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:

BAC'sMom replied: I think you should have the school get all the girls together to discuss this with the parents present. I am sorry for the girls loss but this child is acting out and that needs to be addressed. Maybe an apology to you and your daughter both. If you feel bad about the glasses then just make her pay for half.

Bullying has to be stopped early on or otherwise it only gets worse. Trust me.

stella6979 replied: That really sucks about Lexi's glasses, but I do feel very bad for Amber. I can't imagine being that young and losing both Parents. This may be a little far fetched, and I know Lexi and Amber don't get along, but maybe you could have her over for a playdate or something. They could bake cookies together or do some kind of fun project. That way, they get to hang out outside of school and really get to know eachother. This poor girl could probably use a friend right now.

lisar replied:
I was thinking along the same lines as you. I could get her out of the school environment and let them play and do fun things. And it could possibly help the little girl. I am just not sure. The last thing I need is her beating up on Raygen when I have my back turned.

Danalana replied: Dang it, the ONE time I don't read ALL of the responses before responding...
Yes, losing her parents explains it, for sure. I feel so bad for them too, but Amber can't be allowed to bully other kids either. I'm sure it will take some time to deal with all the things she's feeling, too. I like the idea of maybe inviting her over too. That way, their interaction would be supervised and she would get to be in a family environment. I think the best way to drive her on in this behavior is to cut her off from other kids. Of course, that's all stuff you would be deciding on. I just hope somebody will take the time with her (outside of counseling). I doubt she's just a mean girl at heart, KWIM?

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe you can make a deal with Amber? As long as she is staying out of trouble at school..she can play with lexi outside of school. Sounds like this little girl is really upset about losing a friend...since she has already lost so much. Sounds like she just needs to know that other people still care about her and are willing to work with her...

MommyToAshley replied: Oh gosh, a sad situation all the way around. I am glad you were able to get the whole story. Sometimes we react to how people act and we have no clue what has gone on in their personal lives.

I am glad Lexi is taking the higher road, what a brave and kind girl.

I feel so bad for Amber and her sister, and I know some have suggested having Lexi reach out to them. It would be a good lesson in compassion and forgiveness. I am sure having people stick around in their life right now is what they need. I would want to help the girls. I'd jump at the chance to help them, however, I would be very hesitant to put my daughter in that situation at this age for multiple reasons. First of all, I wouldn't want my daughter to feel responsible for the girls' happiness... which I know my daughter would take on that responsibility. Secondly, the girls are unstable and you aren't quite sure what will happen. They are likely to still act out even if they are surrounded by people with good intentions, and you can not be sure what the girls will do or say. At this age, peers do have a lot of influence with our kids. You should think about whether or not you want to expose Lexi to that. My heart would go out to those girls, but my first responsibility would be to my daughter. I really don't know what I would do in that situation. If you do encourage a friendship between the girls, I would personally supervise the situation 100% of the time and have some explicit ground rules that must be followed.

lisar replied:
I am still really thinking about the whole situation and weather not to do that. I would love to help them but like you said I am just not sure if I want to put Lexi in that situation. Cause I know she would want to make sure the little girl is happy. Lexi just has such a big heart like that.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This whole situation is horrible.

You know, a lot of people would act on their first reactions, which is usually to keep the child away from the "bad seed". And in most cases I would also do the same, especially if the child is in an environment where the parents don't care or something of the like which would not allow the child to grow in their maturity morals. However, in this situation I might act differently, mainly because it seems grandma is trying and doing her best, given the circumstances. What this girl may need is just a family that can show her some love. I'm sure she gets love from her grandma, but I think it needs to come from other places as well. Being she lost her mom AND her dad all within a short period of time, she is probably acting out in spite of losing a friend she once had...another lose in her mind. This little girl has gone through a lot of lose in her life at a young age. She needs some stability and some people to show her that she is still loved.

I think the worse that could happen is that you see that this girl will not change. In that case, then I'd keep my child away. Do we know if this child was always like this? If not, then she probably has potential to grow and mature into a respectful person. If so, then maybe not. ???

Regardless, like Dana said, this girl still needs to know that she can not use losing her parents as an excuse for torturing and bullying other kids. I know people will definitly use that as an excuse to not punish her...maybe her grandma does???

lisar replied:
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I think the worse that could happen is that you see that this girl will not change. In that case, then I'd keep my child away. Do we know if this child was always like this? If not, then she probably has potential to grow and mature into a respectful person. If so, then maybe not. ???
[QUOTE]

According to the people I talked to she was NOT like this before hand




[QUOTE]
Regardless, like Dana said, this girl still needs to know that she can not use losing her parents as an excuse for torturing and bullying other kids. I know people will definitly use that as an excuse to not punish her...maybe her grandma does???

[QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing. Grandma probably feels bad for the girl and doesnt really know how to deal with it. Grandma is probably still dealing with the fact that she lost a child herself.

jcc64 replied: Wow Lisa, the whole thing is incredibly intense! My first reaction before even knowing about the broken glasses or the dead parents was the fact that the teacher told you to keep Lexi away from another child. That in and of itself is highly unprofessional and inappropriate. I completely understand that she was looking out for Lexi's best interest, but she sacrificed the other child's in the process. Bullying always comes from a place of deep insecurity--it's kind of Child Psych 101--and if the teacher is telling that to you, she's probably telling others as well, effectively marginalizing the kid at precisely the time when she needs support and connection the most. Kids don't know how to articulate complex emotions, so they just act out. I'm a little taken aback at the suggestions here to get the police involved. These are very young children, not teenagers.
I know many people are no doubt ready to jump all over me for focusing on the bully rather than Lexi. Lexi, and every other child, certainly has a right to feel safe and protected at school, and it is the school's responsibility to make that a reality. It sounds like they acknowledged the problem and are doing the best they can with a very difficult situation.
Now on to how to deal with the relationship from this point forward. I am forever seeing people driving around with yellow "Support the troops" ribbons on their cars. Imo, this is one very clear way to do just that by practicing one small act of kindness toward a child of a soldier who made the ultimate sacrifice for the rest of us. I think your impulse to reach out toward the child is right on the money, and I think you should be very proud of Lexi for her generous impulses. Yes, you should supervise the playdates, and yes you should speak with Lexi about what a friendship with a child in so much pain would entail, that the road may at times be very bumpy. But it is the ultimate lesson to teach your own child, and in the process, make another child's tragic burden a little easier to bear. Good luck and kup!

jem0622 replied:

This is very tragic, but the behavior is still not okay. I am sure the grandmother is saddened and overwhelmed also. Maybe, without getting too TMI, find out how the counselors are working with them. They clearly are feeling so many intense emotions. They need help AND boundaries.

What a tough tough thing.

lisar replied: I have called and left the Grandma a message to call me. I do want to let her know that she doesnt have to pay for the glasses, that they were covered under the warranty.