OMG OMG OMG - I don't believe it!!!

Teesa®© wrote: I'M GOING TO SEE MY MUM TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!

Now, this may not seem like a big deal to most of you, but I've only ever seen my Mum twice in my whole life.

I was adopted Nov. 17th, 1974, when I was 17 months old. I search for my natural Mother for 14 agonizing and painful years. I finally found her in 2001. She had my brother [whom I used to hang out with as a teenager, but we never knew we were related] drive her up here and I got to see her again for the holidays that same year. Oh, wait, 3 times. We went to visit her at her place before the hol's.

Well, any time after that, DH always said we couldn't afford to go or he had to work and we never had time. My Mum only lives 45 minutes away..... BUT! we go to see HIS parents ALL the freaking time!!!! And they're 3 HOURS away!!

Well, needless to say, it's the cause of a LOT of fights, arguments, and more fights. Last year, he had the NERVE to say to me, "Well, if you want to see your Mum, all you had to do was ask." ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT??? I have to ASK for PERMISSION to see my own MUM?!?!?!?!? WhatEVER!! Well, I'll be D-ed if I'm EVER gonna ask for permission for ANYTHING.

Yeah, right. I DID end up asking. And begging. And pleading. And crying. Heck, I even walked out and LEFT him because after years of this, I STILL hadn't been "allowed" to see my own freaking Mum.

Last weekend was DH's parents' wedding anniversary. Did I go? NO!!!

THIS weekend we're supposed to go again for supper! Soooo... I ask him when I get to see MY Mum. No answer. I told him he's nothing but a liar. He said, "How did I lie to you?" So, I reminded him that I had to ask for permission, and not only HAVE I, but cried, begged, pleaded and walked out. No response. I told him he has no excuse because if we can afford to go to HIS parents, then we can afford to go to MINE! No response. I said, "I'm so glad WE'RE having a conversation about this. But, it would be nice if YOU said something!" No response. I said a few more things about how he's had the privilege of knowing his mother ALL his life. I never had that right. It was taken away from me as a baby when I had no say in the decision. No response. I got !!! Then FINALLY he says, and in a rather snotty tone, "Fine! We'll go tomorrow!"

OK, yeah, I was snarky with HIM, but I had a right to be. He takes seeing his mother for granted. He can get up and go whenever he wants. He doesn't have to ask ME for permission, he just tells us we're going and that's that.

I should feel like I just won something, but he's making it seem like I forced him into it. I should be happy I'm finally getting to go see her again after 7 years, but I'm even more angry than I was before. GAH!!!! I'm so FRUSTRATED!!!!!

MoonMama replied: Oh honey I am so sorry your DH is a snot about it. But glad you get to go see you mom. That is so awesome! I want to hear all about it.

youngmomofone replied: Glad that you can see your mom, and I too would have been super pissed. Can you just jump in the car to go see your mom by yourself??

sparkys2boys replied: Well first off, I am super glad you found your real mom, that must of been am amzing expereince! It sounds like you have a good relationship with her.. when you get to see her!

Second, soooo glad that you are getting to go again to spend time with her. I think it is wonderful. Memories to last forever

Does dh have reason to not like her, or not want you to be with her? Sounds like he is doing everything in his power to keep you away from her?

bawoodsmall replied:
Yeah like jennifer said. Cant you just say I am going to see my mom. Be back later. Your dh is being a jerk imo. I am guessing you are on good terms with your mom. Do you talk to her on the phone a lot? Do you think there is some reason why dh doesnt like her? Does she have issues as to why she gave you up for adoption that she is still dealing with? Drugs? Alcohol?

If I am being nosy I am sorry...I am just trying to figure out why dh is so against it.

Teesa®© replied: If it was an option, I would just get up and go whenever I durned well felt like it, even if I had to drop DH off at work to do it. But, for some odd reason that I just can't fathom, the police around here kinda frown upon driving a motorized vehicle without a license

We don't have a phone, so I can't call her when I want and she doesn't have a puter, so I can't keep in contact that way, either.

I did ask him once what he had against her and he said nothing. I asked him if he didn't like her and he said he liked her fine. So I don't know what his deal is.

She does have issues concerning my adoption, but it was because she was forced into it. She was a single mom, left an abusive marriage, had 3 children already and was on assistance when she found out she was preggers with me. Mother's Allowance [as it was back in the 60's] told her that if she kept me, they'd cut her off assistance. She cried. So, rather than losing ALL her children, she gave me up. She said it was the hardest thing she ever had to do. I view myself as the sacrificial lamb

She didn't look me for, but she was scared that I wouldn't want anything to do with her. For a while, I didn't. My Non-Id said she was 25 at the time of my birth and I saw that as she was more than old enough and more than capable enough, so obviously she doesn't want me. I wrote her letters all those years anyway, telling her about myself, DH and the children,and she got every one of them. She said she just cried when she read them.

I don't know exactly when we're going, but it's today and I have to get ready and feed the children lunch. I just wanted to pop in quick and catch up on posts before I left so I didn't have 40 billion of them when I get back .

She'd better be home!!!

Anthony275 replied: good luck!

bawoodsmall replied: I am happy for you. Let us know how it goes.

youngmomofone replied: oic, well good luck

abunky replied: wish you the best , hope it goes well

Calimama replied: Good luck!!

Insanemomof3 replied: Good luck!!!!

Teesa®© replied: The visit went really well It was a bit awkward at first, we hadn't seen each other for such a long time, it was mostly small talk. She was living with my brother when I first met her, now she's in her own place. All her stuff is out - whereas there wasn't enough room for her to unpack at my brother's - and it still amazes me how much alike we are!! We have the same books, the same movies, the same type of puzzles, use the same shampoo, collect the same knick-knacks, watch the same TV shows... it blows my mind

I found out she has osteoporosis, very high blood pressure - 193!!! [normal is 120-125] and is border-lining on having diabetes. She's not very large at all,

We left about 5 and went out to supper. I really wanted to go to Bentley's - Breen has wicked nachos!! - but the children didn't want anything there on the menu so we went to a Chinese restaurant called King's Buffet. O-M-G! but their food is AMAZING! They have quite a large buffet and so many different kinds of things!! They even had sushi!! I've been wanting to try sushi for like EVER. It wasn't all what I thought it would be I did try crab's legs, oh, wow, they were GOOD!!! It totally grossed out my children, though Since I've never had them before, I don't know whether everywhere does it, but you put the whole leg on your plate. The babes were all like, "Ewwww! That's gross! What is it? It's a LEG??? Who's leg??? How can you eat it? Ewwwww!!" I went up three times and I was so full I thought I was going to pop

DD got into a funny conversation with the lady beside us about how cold the toilet seats were She'd been in there, too, and said it was warmer outside than in there - it was only -11 today.

So yeah, we had a great day and I'm so happy to see my Mum again

sparkys2boys replied: Sounds like it went well. That's so great! Im glad you gpt to spend time with her!

youngmomofone replied: Glad it went well!