Need your opinion on something please

coasterqueen wrote: I ran into one of my uncles (my dad's brother) this weekend and unfortunately we had a very long conversation about my aunt's death. It opened up a lot of more pain for me and kind of made it a very rough weekend for me.

Anyways I have this longing to find answers. I spoke to my father and mentioned that I ran into his brother and he pretty much ignored me on it so I guess dad doesn't want answers like I thought he did. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone but there's one thing I feel I have to do. I feel like I at least have to get my feelings out on paper to my uncle (my aunt's husband). I have to let him know how I feel about all this and where my feelings stand when it comes to him and him being in my life. At the same time I'm afraid that what I might write will be hard for him to hear. In many ways he deserves to hear what I have to say but I can't help but to fear that what I might say might push him over the edge. KWIM? I just don't want what I write to him to send him to do something as horrible as my aunt did.

Should I write him or not? What do you think? I don't plan to tell him I hate him or to be severely harsh but I do plan to say that I think his actions, his cheating on my aunt had a lot to do with her death. As well as how I feel about the whole thing.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I say write it out get it all out and down on paper then decide if you want to send it.

Insanemomof3 replied: I would say that you need to write to him. If you don't, you are going to feel like there are pieces missing. You need to find answers to help you deal with this. JMO

KingMom replied: I say write it out and burn it, don't send it, it could easily send him over the edge.

ediep replied: Well, as you know this has to be your decision and nobody can really tell you what to do...having said that.....MHO is that I wouldn't send it!! If he is hurting, as I imagine someone whose wife just killed themselves most likey due their their actions is, then your letter would only make him feel worse. Do you think he knows that his actions may have had someting to do with her death?

moped replied: I say no............you can write something but do not send anything........

gr33n3y3z replied: I agree

write it out and burn it
BC I think he feels bad enough

coasterqueen replied: You all are probably right and he did tell me at the funeral that he screwed up, but I guess I just have this need to know why he did what he did. How such a religious person as he is and all that he used to *preach* to us as children could cheat on his wife and for almost their entire 29 years of marriage (which I just found that part out this weekend as far as how long).

I guess it's not only that but I want to know why he felt he couldn't come to the rest of the family to get her help. There is notion that she was sick, that she had a mental illness as well and none of us understand why he didn't come to the rest of us for help. She apparently felt like she had no one. She had us, why didn't he let us tell her that. Why didn't he tell us so we could let her know this? These are all things I want him to tell me. UGH ,this is just so hard. And I feel like not knowing these things from him makes it very hard for me to let him be a part of my life. He's mentioned that he's going to travel a bit and that he will stop by and see us through his travels. I'm not sure I can let him in without knowing these things and I really don't want a confrontation the day he shows up at my door. I also don't want to push him over the edge He should feel bad, but it hurts to know that he's going to go on with his life, be happy, be with someone else, sell their home, etc and my aunt is gone.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Karen, give him some time. He doesn't deserve much, but he does deserve that. Maybe in time he will be able to tell you these things without you having to ask. You deserve to know these things as well. I hope you get answers and closure soon. Maybe when he comes to visit after his travels and he clears his head a little he will be able to confront the family and give more answers.

I'm sorry you aren't getting what you want right now. Just know that we are hear for you anytime you need to vent or talk about this.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Karen, I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is definitely a tough decision, but I wouldn't send him anything. It sounds like you know that it may hurt him or drive him over the edge. Well then don't do it. I can only imagine the shame he's already feeling. If you need to work through the pain, write the letter, but don't send it. Or I really suggest seeking some counseling where you can openly discuss it with someone who can teach you to find answers on your own. Or maybe wait a little while until you feel comfortable confronting him with some questions face to face.

mammag replied: I completely agree with Rae. I would really recommend you getting help (if you are not talking to someone already) to help you deal with it. I'm guessing that he is already feeling the same things about himself that you are feeling. He may not even really have the answers you are wanting. Sometime people do things that they know aren't right and they don't know why themselves. They just lack the strength in character to do the right thing and handle things the way they should.

I hope you can find a way to work through this. I can tell you are in a lot of pain and I wish there was something I could do to help you. You are, as always, in my thoughts and prayers. We are all here for you.

I think it would be a very good idea to put your thoughts to paper and then burn it or something. I'd also write a letter to your aunt as well. Try to get out as much of your feelings as you can.

A&A'smommy replied: I think everyone else has pretty much said it all!!! I think you should write the letter it may help you feel better but I don't think you should send it!! (((((HUGS))))

kimberley replied: im sorry you are feeling this way hon this must be so hard for you on top of everything else you are dealing with. i agree about seeing someone yourself and even writing a letter to yourself about it but not send it to him. as Aimee said, give him time. no one can make him feel any guiltier than himself right now. i do think some of your questions can be posed to him later on after everyone has time to heal. it is just really hard when things like this happen to people you somewhat idealized as "good people". the world just seems a little less perfect and make a lot less sense right now, but in time, you will heal too, Karen.

we are here to listen and support you, so please vent and talk as often as you need to about this. those unanswered questions have a way of taking over sometimes if we don't deal with them.