Need opinions - dilemmas here - VERY LONG (sorry)

coasterqueen wrote: Ok, I have two individual situations I need advice on so this may get lengthy.

1. The BF group I belong too agreed to get together last December, but because my girls were getting sick often and Dh was in Louisiana I decided it wasn't the best thing for us to do. The trip is 2.5 hours one way and I was worn out thinking about the travel so I canceled. Well several weeks ago I was thinking about the ladies and how much I miss them all so I initiated an email conversation asking when everyone could get together. There are 6 of us plus kids so it's always hard to get a date where all of us can make it, especially since 2 of us are long distance. Anyways, we agreed on June 3rd. I knew that would be the day my little BIL would have his birthday party (even though I hadn't gotten confirmation from step-MIL) but DH told me I and the girls should go anyways since we haven't see the BF group in so long so I told the ladies I was in. Well......two days ago I got an invitation in the mail to my cousin's wife baby shower which now happens to be on June 3. My dilemma is I REALLY REALLY want to see the BF ladies BUT my cousin's wifes baby shower only happens once. PLUS it's the cousin of my aunt who committed suicide last year and I really want to continue a relationship with my cousin. It's been very hard to get him to commit to anything so I was very happy that I was invited to the shower. BTW, it's a family shower so ALL my long distance family I rarely ever see will be there plus my cousin will be there because it's a mommy/daddy shower. So I'm afraid if I don't go he'll never invite me to anything and cut ties with me. I say that because when he suprised me by coming to Megan's bday party I BEGGED him to keep in touch w/me even though he knows my feelings about his father and I know he'll make a deal if I don't come.

So what do I do? I will also feel so AWFUL if I cancel my trip with the BF ladies because I initiated the visit, I really want to see them as well and I'm the one who canceled the last visit Oh what do I do? I can't do both either because the trip to see the ladies is 2.5 hours there and 2.5 hours back. I can't do it a different day that weekend either.


2. Ok, next one....are you still with me? My SIL and her kids moved to Georgia last summer. Kylie was very close to my niece and was very sad to see her go. SIL and the kids have traveled to see us for both girls birthday and for the holidays since they moved away. We've never gone out there. We are all getting together 1/2 way in early June so that's nice. The problem is they also invited us down south (only a 3 hour drive) for my niece's bday over the July 4th holiday. We went last year and let me tell you it was an AWFUL experience. 1st off they live in the boonies which is fine because I live in the country BUT they live in TICKville. Seriously. Anywhere you sit outside ticks are all over you. The family was sitting outside just enjoying the afternoon and they had a tick bucket where they would put the ticks they pulled off themselves. So that freaked me out and I spent the rest of the day inside BUT that was just as bad. Why? Because I'm DEATHLY afraid of dogs. Long story as to why, but I am. They had rotweiler, mean type dogs that jump on you and loud barks and freaked me out to where I was in fear all day long. The whole thing was just HORRIBLE for me and I'm stressing out just thinking about it. WELL the dilemma is they want us to go back there this year I totally was honest with my SIL about the situation and why I don't like it there and she understood but her view is she goes through great lengths to come home for my events and holidays so I should just buck it up and go there. I told her if they kept the dogs locked up I could deal with the tick issue but they tried that last year and her IL's wouldn't go for it. So what would you do?

Ok, if you got this far THANK YOU.

mckayleesmom replied: 1. Maybe you instead of attending the baby shower...you can get together with your cousin and his wife the week before...go out to dinner or something and give her a gift for the baby. Cancelling twice on the bf group...especially when you initiated it, might annoy people..kwim?

2. You can fake an illness

amymom replied: Wow Karen these are both tough decisions. Here are my opinions so far:

1. I would get in touch with the BF group and set a new date. Apologize but explain --- they will understand AND you have a month before that date. Definetely, you can do both!! just on different days. You will be glad you did this for your cousin. And for yourself by still seeing the BF group.

2. Whew tough call! I have some questions.... Do you stay overnight with the SIL? Or is it just a visit for the party?

Good Luck with whatever you do!!!

MamaJAM replied: Hmm - those are both tough.

For me - I really hate having to deal with extended family and avoid it as much as possible -- so if it was _me_....I'd visit with the BF group. But -- since you really want to keep in touch with your cousin - I'd say go to the shower. I'm sure you're BF group will understand -- you had no control over when the shower was going to be held.

On the second issue -- I'd say...take bug spray and go. Like you said - she's made the trip to see you several times....this is just one day - you can do it. Hopefully they will lock up the dogs and that won't be an issue (I'm a "dog-person"...but rotties scare the daylights out of me and, honestly, I'd be asking the same thing if I was going there).

Good luck deciding on everything.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Go to the BF get together. I agree with Brianne on trying to get together with your cousin and his wife sometime before, or making a point to get together as soon as you can after the baby is born.

The tick thing would have me turned away. Esp if you are talking about having your children there. Just one tick could carry Lyme Disease, and that is all it would take. I would stay away. I am with you on the dog situation, even with a dog inside the house, I would still have my fears. I would stay away, and get together somplace else.

amynicole21 replied: I think that this far out, it's acceptable to reschedule the BF meet up. I'm sure they wouldn't be upset about it.

As far as the ticks... not sure about that one! I don't think I would go to be honest

luvmykids replied: Yikes, both tough.

1. I would hate to cancel on the bf group again, but in terms of the rest of your life, it sounds pretty important to you to keep up with these family members and like you said, her shower will only happen once, can't be rescheduled. Also, the other family memebers that will be there would be a great bonus. The bf group should understand!

2. I don't know but it does sound miserable. At the same time, they have made the effort to come visit you. I think I would try to suck it up as unpleasant as it sounds, or could you go to their town and do activities at other places and spend less time at their house?

Good luck with whatever you decide!

CantWait replied:

CantWait replied:


Good Luck

na81 replied: Those are some very tough decisions to make!

1. I would call and reschedule your plans with the BF group, I would hope they would understand. It sounds like it is very important to go to the baby shower, and as you said, there will be lots of family there that you don't see very often.

2. I don't really know what I would do. I think that I would go just to save face with the family. I have done things with my SO's family that I didn't want to do just for that reason. I understand your point about the ticks, that's way too yucky for me,especially when you have kids! That's just me though, I hate bugs!! As for the dog thing, I would hope they could understand your fear and keep them locked up for the day!!

Good luck with whatever you decide!! Hope everything works out for you!!

Nicole

ediep replied:
I agree with brianne on this

I wouldn't go to the shower....actually I really dislike going to showers at all. I would try to get together with the cousin and still get them a nice gift.

I wouldn't go to the tick party

jacobsmama replied: You poor thing 2 tough situations at once!

1. I would reschedule with your BF group because if they are your friends they will understand and want you to go to your shower too. So definetly call them I bet they will understand.

2. I was also wondering if you had to stay over night there or not? But I think it is reasonalbe to ask them to put the dogs up but with the kids the ticks would be big issue. So I would have to say if ticks are that bad then geez..I mean you wouldnt expect them to come to your house and be bite by ticks so they should compromise and make the situation a little better, like hanging inside or going somewhere or something maybe??

for whatever you decieded to do in both cases!

JAYMESMOM replied:
I would skip the shower and state you already had prior plans.

For the b-day party thing it is a hard decision. I would definetly use bug spray but insist on the dog being locked up. For safety--if the dog cannot be controlled it should not be out and if it is just your fear of dogs out of respect they shoudl try and keep it away from you.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Hmmm, tough ones. I would probably go to the shower, especially because your cousin surprised you and came to Megan's party. And I wouldn't try to change the plans with the BF group. Just say you unfortunately can't make it, but that they should all still meet. Maybe they will want to reschedule anyway, but I wouldn't ask them to just for your sake, kwim? If they have kids, they will understand.

As far as the visit to tickville, I would totally skip it. Ticks are disgusting and it sounds like no place for two small kids IMO. You asked them to lock up the dogs last time and they didn't, how fair is that? We all make sacrifices for family, but in this case, I certainly wouldn't. They'll get over it. Plan to meet them somewhere else at another time.