Need advice - to give a letter or not

jem0622 wrote: I had a very intense disagreement with someone that I care about. We are both hurt from all that came out of the situation. At the time that I was upset, I wrote a letter to get out my feelings. I figured it was the best way to say what was on my mind. But now I am questioning whether or not I should give the letter.

So...have you ever written a letter just for your own sake and not given it to the person who you intended? Did you regret that you didn't give them the letter? Do you think that if you spent the time writing that letter then you owe it to yourself and the other party to give them the letter? It has been a long time since I have written any letters. I know that some people treasure them.

TIA for your thoughts/feedback.

Calimama replied: I've heard that one of the best ways to express your feelings when you're really upset is to write the letter not holding anything back and then rip it up and write a new one when you're not quite as angry.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: if the relationship is something you'd like to work out... then you need to decide as to whether it's worth rehashing it to dicuss it. Who knows... she may have written you one, too. Good luck...

A&A'smommy replied:
I agree with this!!!!

Mommy2BAK replied:
I've done this quite a few times. It's good for you, but yet you don't let the argument get any worse by any harsh word you have out of anger.

TrulyBlessed replied: There is only one letter that I have written in a very heated and hurtful moment since my childhood and I don't regret what I wrote in that letter or sending the letter. I felt 100x better expressing my feelings and I am not close to this person, so that is why it probably does not bother me. But in your situation, if you are having doubts, I wouldn't send the letter, but hold onto it for you. The person I had sent mine too and sent me one first and I still have it and it hurts everytime I read it, but I can't bring myself to throw it away. (It was writtten by my dad's girlfriend at the time of his death and stated what a terrible daughter I was) If you still want to send a letter, then you could revise what you have written to match your feelings now and send it.

boyohboyohboy replied: you know i did this once with my best friend of 10yrs, and it turned out the letter made her so mad that we didnt speak for 5 yrs. we are now speaking but its never going to be a great friendship like it was. i dont think i said mean things but i said things that were on my mind and i dont know that i would have ever said it had i not been writing the letter, now i do wish i hadnt said it.
i guess you have to decide if you really feel she needs to hear what you said, or it was just a way for you to release what is inside.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree
And good luck

amynicole21 replied: I write letters or emails all the time without ever intending to send them. It's like therapy for me. I think I would wait a few days before deciding. If you still feel like sending it then, then go ahead.

jem0622 replied:

I had never heard this advice, but I agree. I doubt I'll rewrite anything, but it's good to know that the letter served some purpose. I just want to get it behind me.

sparkys2boys replied: Do what feels right and the thing you won't regret

stella6979 replied:
Great advice Denise! I've done that many times.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think writing your feelings down on paper is great, but I suggest re-reading it in a day or two and see if you feel the same way. If you do, then send it. If not, edit it or move on. Sometimes just writing it out and not sending it is just what you need to get it behind you.

I used to write a lot of letters before there was email. And personally, I don't think I ever really regretted any of them. To me, it's about taking taking a chance and feeling confident in who you are and what you write, unless of course you are purposely trying to hurt someone. If it will help in your own healing process, than by all means, do it. One of my deepest letters was to DH way before we were dating. I liked him and I told him so in a very long heartfelt letter. I remember not hearing from him for several months, so of course I was hurt. But now I know that he was just a bit immature at the time to deal with all my emotions...lol. He told me how he actually appreciated how honest I was and how he really admired how I could express my feelings in writing. But being mad and being in love are two different things...So I say sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.