Need advice on something - about my cousin in the Army.

lisar wrote: Okay this is a touchy topic for me cause I am so far away from cousin.

Okay as you all know he is in the Army he is stationed in Texas Ft. Bliss. He is having alot of problems right now. He went off on his sergent and told him to kiss his @$$. And him and his new wife are fighting. His sgt. told him he had to go and have a phsyc evaluation done and he doesnt want to so his wife told him to go and get it done so they are fighting about that. Yesterday he was packing his stuff and leaving the army to come home. He was calling me cause he knows I will listen and not judge him and tell him what to do. He needed directions home. Ofcourse I had them, but I wasnt so quick to tell him how to get here. He is 1600 miles from here. Well I calmed him down enough and finally his wife called him at about 11pm lastnight. He went to ER on base. He has been sick not eating, not drinking, not sleeping ever since he came home and went back. He has lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. They gave him a pass out of the field for 48 hours, some fenigan for the stomach upset. And a thing sending him to a phsycologist. He needs to go see them. I think he is falling into depression. He got a taste of home for a week and wants to come back. he is still there this morning. I havent talked to him but his wife texted me to tell me he was there. They cant even live together yet so I think that is bothering him also.

Well anyways here is my question, What kind of trouble can you get into if you leave the military before your time is up? And what can I do to help him? He is to far away for me to just drive there and help them.

grapfruit replied: I don't know exactally, but I think it's BIG trouble.

A&A'smommy replied: oh honey he could get kicked out of the army on dishonorable discharge (which could cause him to NEVER be able to get a good job again) and he could also get put into jail. Its MAJOR bad trouble!!!!!!! I hope he gets straightened out!!! How much time does he have left?

lisar replied:
5.5 years left. I know he has only been in a year so far.

grandma replied: Don't even let him try to just walk away from the milatary, it would ruin his life.
The good news, if he will go for the phsyc evaluation, he might get discharged by their recommendation, that would be much better!

A&A'smommy replied:
Bless his heart!! Its SO hard being away from your family and home!!

And I agree with Grandma you CANNOT let him walk away

TheOaf66 replied: if he goes AWOL he will be court martialed and deal with whatever sentence they give him and then probably have to go to a civilian court as well. He will definitely get the dishonorable discharge and military prison. Whatever you do tell him to stay there, there are people he can talk to there. He should definitely go see the psychologist...my brother was in the Navy and had the same ordeal (not AWOL but the depression and such) and they ended up discharging him that was not dishonorable so it didn't affect his employment but he got out. Before he thinks about jumping and running tell him

They WILL find him
They WILL prosecute him
He WILL be royally screwed for life

MommyToAshley replied:
That's what I was going to say. Encourage him to go to for the psychiatric evaluation. They may recommend that he be discharged. It would be the best solution all around... he would get out of the military like he wants and they can help him with all this anger.

If he leaves the army without beind discharged, he could end up in jail.

lisar replied: Thanks yall. I didnt want to keep telling him lastnight to STAY!!!. His Mother was on the phone yelling at him about it and that just wasnt helping him any. KWIM? He just needs someone to listen and thats what I was doing. I never did give him directions home so he doesnt even know where to start. I just talked my Granny who talked to him and he is still there but he doesnt know what he is gona do yet. I will talk to him later and see what he is thinking. I am just so worried about him.

Kaitlin'smom replied: deffinalty LISTEN to him but also let him know walking away will not be good for anyone he needs to to the right thing and go see someone.

I am sorry he is having a ruff time.

grapfruit replied: He's the one close to Lexi right?

I don't think you should necessarily "scare" him into staying or add to his guilt. But maybe remind him that this little girl looks up to him and worships him, and it's important that she sees that you can't run away from your problems. She needs to see him fulfill his commitment. And also for her he should talk to somebody to work through these issues, b/c if the roles were reversed he'd want that for her right?

I think go that route. Be strong, and caring at the same time. It's ok to be scared and sad and depressed, as long as you DEAL with it in a constructive manner.

sparkys2boys replied: OH Lisa thats a terrible spot to be put in. I agree with everyone else though, talk to him and listen to what he has to say but tell himto not leave. It would be MAJOR trouble for him and his whole family. Things will be much much worse then they are now for him. I hope you guys can get this all worked out

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry. I hope he's able to find a way to make it work. The concequences really do suck.

Calimama replied: If I were his wife I'd call his command and have them force him into some kind of therapy. I DO think he needs help. If it's this hard for him when he's in the US with his wife, imagine how hard it'll be if he was in Iraq with NO family and very little comforts of home, KWIM? If he deserts the Army they may not come after him right away. It might be 5 years, 3 kids, 1 mortgage later, but they WILL come. Tell his wife to go the command and explain the situation to get him help. He needs a lot more than you guys can give.

lisar replied:
No offence but his commanding officer is one of the people who started this for him. He is a complete mean butt. I was on the phone with him when they got into it. All over an insurance card. The guy was being a little extreme even for the military.

He is getting the help he needs now. And if he was to leave he wasnt gona wait for the them to come and get him. He would have turned himself in. He wouldnt have prolonged it. Thankfully.

boyohboyohboy replied: lisa , why isnt he allowed to be with his wife?

is he home sick is that the major problem or do you think there is something else on his mind?

did he really want to join the military in the first place? can you help remind him why he did join?

as his wife, can she go and talk to a military dr and get some council for him?

i will add him to my prayers...

can lexi write him or make him picture more often, and send him real pics from home?
like the new photoshop ones you are doing?

lisar replied:
He is not allowed to be with her until she graduates on feb 13th.
And yes he really wanted to join. He wanted the coast guards but they wouldnt take him due to his tattoes on his fingers. So he went with the army instead. The whole reason he joined is cause he didnt have a future and he wanted one. And I have told him that if he leaves then his future will never look this good again.
His wife is the one who talked him into going to the ER lastnight. I was almost ready to call the MP's on that base and send them over there.
And Lexi writes him a letter a day and I mail one letter day from her. She writes all about her day at school, and what shes doing. And I mail him little things she makes at school and copies of her report cards and all that. And PICTURES ALL THE TIME... I am printing the one of the 2 of them out and mailing it to him.

Thanks for your concern. I am starting to feel better about it now.

Calimama replied:
Yeah DH has had a couple of those. Glad he's getting the help he needs hun. I'll keep in my prayers.