Need advice - Scared and not sure what to do

Makenzi'sMom wrote: Morning! Some of you know I am a single mom right now going through a divorce. My daughter is 2.5 and I am going through one heck of a divorce. I am struggling more than ever Financially. I have the opportunity to pick up a PT job from 230-730 M-F at 1150 an hour. GOOD pay here. The issue I have is my daughter is with him only Sun afternoon through Wed evening at 6pm. I cry everytime I take her home cause I miss her so much but I am killing myself financially and having a hard time supporting her.

What would any other MOM single or not do??

Brias3 replied: First off, I am sorry to hear of your struggles right now and not only do I offer my prayers, but support if you ever need someone to lend an ear.

Secondly, if I am understanding your question correctly, you are wondering about care for your daughter for those times you are working and she is not with her dad, right? If so, what I immediately thought of is that you might try and find a high school or college student in your area who you could hire for a reasonable rate for the two days you will be at work and need care for her. The hours you have might be perfect for a student looking for something part-time. That way, your daughter would also have the comfort of being in her own home, especially as bedtime nears towards the end of your workshift time. Also, I know your job is currently paying well but have you considered the option of caring for children in your home? That way, taking on just a few children might allow you to have a similar schedule, make similar or better hourly pay (per child), AND be home with your daughter. That way, you still have weekends free too.

HTH and best of luck at this hard time

Makenzi'sMom replied: Brias3,
Thanks so much. I apprecaite the advice, I have an awesome salary and couldnt make it here if I didnt have it. I guess what I am scared about is, is it worth taking the time away from here on those days I have her for this second job to make us survice or would it to her and I more harm for being together less than we already are.
I miss her more than anything and I am alawyas complaining how I want her more and now I am possibly going to see her less.

If you were in my shoes and you felt as you did about the time you had with them/her would you take the job anyways till you got ahead or better?

amymom replied: I think I would need a bit more info to answer. How much do you work already on the first job? Who would take care of her these during the 2nd job? What time will you have with her w/o the 2nd job vs. with the 2nd job?

I think time with our kids is precious AND we still have to pay the bills. So it all needs to be weighed.

More info please!?!?!

Makenzi'sMom replied:
Hi thanks for asking.

The first job I work for the FD is Wed-Sun at 6am-2pm.
The 2nd job would be 230-730pm Mon, Tues, Thurs and Frid. No weekend or holidays.

I have her in my care from Sunday at 230 till Wed at 6pm.

My daughter is with my mother on Wednesday while I work the first job.
On Mon and Tuesday she would be with someone she likes and trusts. So having her with someone good is not the issue.

The issue is do I do it to make our life a bit easier and less stressful?? I have less than 150 a month to live on after bills are paid and I pay her Dad child Support b/c he doesnt work at all and is in school. I am trying to have her in activities and he is not participating or sharing for that matter.

Does that help? Thank so much for taking the time.

C&K*s Mommie replied: That is a toughie. If I were in your shoes, in total honesty, yes I would do whatever it takes to keep my head above water. It sounds like many, many hours will be spent away from your love. My hat is off to you, and any other single mother (or those living as though they are single- but still married ) my hat is off for their dedication, and tirelessness for making it for their child(ren).

But it may be possible that this extra job will put you in line to pay your bills, save a little and still have opportunities (as time is given) to do things together as mother and child. If any money is saved too, you may be able to put that second job aside for some time and take a break- that extra income may be enough to keep your head above water and still pay your bills, but you will have a little more free time.

I hope this did not come off as sounding crude.
~~~
Is your ex keeping her enough to justify you paying him child support? What was the agreement in the family courts? I understand going to school, but it does not make any sense that if he is going to school, and not working, and not actively participating in your child's life, why would you pay him.

amymom replied: JMO
I would go for it. It is an extra 10 hrs per week away from her. A lot more $$ per month and I thing you will both benefit. A stressed mom is never good for a child. I would do it, knowing this info.


I would not worry about that. Give her lots of opportunity to play with you, friends and that should be good enough. Save your time with her for just you guys.!! JMO

Makenzi'sMom replied:
Nix,
Definitly not CRUDE, thanks for the relply.

I am 25 and he is 32. His parents support him through ANYTHING and I mean anything at anyones expense. He was a FF who had a medical issue this past summer, he quit his job and now is going to school. When I separated from him it was on pretty decent terms, the arrangement was till he got a job when I was working he would have her and we would work it out so it was completey 50/50 when he was working again. He lied and told the judge he was going to be a stay at home dad. I know his parent still have her more than he does but here I am paying him b/c his salary is not the same as mine, it is less. Do I think he deserves it NO, he is chosing not to work. School when you can work in the time of need is a Luxury not a need.

I want him to ber part of her activities to this summer but wont, since he has no job, so If I want her in anything I have to pay for it, but his parents take her and put her in stuff all the time and I never know till after and can not particiapte.

The 2nd job would be something I would only work for a few months to put myself above water, I need money for her as well as me and daily living and have anything near that now. I just miss her so much now, I cant imagine being away more, but we cant survive like this anymore. He has his parents to pay for everything when he needs it. He is living in our house with all our suff and his parents are pretty much paying for that also.

MyLuvBugs replied: You're paying HIM child support even though you take care of the child and are busting your behind trying to support her on your own? Can't he get off his lazy butt and help support a child that he created? Sorry...I just had to that thought out of my head, and that's probably one of the many reasons you're in a joyous divorce situation right now, huh?

Are you living with family or on your own? Can your mom help out more or your dad or siblings? Or what about his parents?

The situation sucks all the way around really. I'm really sorry. It's like you're on a double edged sword...you work more, you look like a bad mom for not hanging out with the kid...you work less, you look like you don't want to support your kid. It's just tough. But it sounds like you really need to call in renforcements with some of your family members to help you get through the divorce at least.

Makenzi'sMom replied:

I am apparently paying him cause he has her 58% and I have her 42% and his income is MUCH LESS than mine, by his own choice. I agree he should be suporting his child, not his parents. I feel the same way. The divorce is very ugly and it appears as I have to get a Child Family Investigator involved to get the custody changed. B/c he lied in court and the judge granted the schedule as it is now, they wont change something that isnt broken and to the NICE MAN judge it isnt broken. I asked for one extra day EOW and it would be even all the way, he said he couldnt see changing the childs schedule for me to have an extra 24 hours with her. She is 2 for petes sake, she wants her momma and she needs her and I need her.



he lives in our brand new home, I live in an apartment, I dont rally know my Dad (no money anyways) and My Mom has helped where she can, she takes her the one day I work at the FD while she in my care. His parents, well let me say they are just as bad as he is, I worhsipped them, they told me though they would do whatever they had to at anyones expensive to include me to take care of thier precious 32 year old son who should be 3.


Thats exactly how I feel, I am in a no win sitaution. I am constantly depressed although I do my best not to show it to her and I cant handle it anymore. I have to sit in an apartment when he has my house, used to have my animals, new story there and all my stuff. I was stupid and didnt get what I wanted/needed when I left and I am waiting on a court order to go there and get it.

Im sorry, wow this turned into a vent....Thanks for listening though. I feel lost and overwhlemed.... [/QUOTE]

MyLuvBugs replied:

First of all....NEVER tell the court that you are constantly depressed. OK?!?!?! Divorces are never pretty. Even when the couple decides to do it "amicably (sp?)"
There is always something. And it sounds like your outlaw inlaws aren't helping the matters. But you need to be strong for your little girl, and show her what it really means to be a good, strong, independant woman. KWIM?

Take that job for a few months to get yourself back on your feet and DEFINATELY get a children's investigator involved. Your ex is being lazy and spoiled, and his parents are feeding that. You need to be the adult here, and do what you need to do for your baby.

Feel free to vent to us anytime.

Makenzi'sMom replied: Thanks I apprecaite it very much! I am also need to come up with the 3000 for the CFI.

I do not act that way around anyone but me normally, noone but you all know how I feel.

Thanks so much for the help, it made me feel better!

luvmykids replied: Wow, what an awful situation for you! Did you have an attorney, or did the two of you just come to terms and have a judge sign off? If you can, I'd say hire an attorney rather than the investigator and see if you can get things evened out. I have an ex SIL who is about the same as your ex, but BIL got a great attorney who was able to salvage it so it was a lot more fair.

As for your dilemma, will the job also mean you have to pay him even more $? Something to consider when trying to decide if it's worth the additional time away from your daughter. Otherwise, I would say right now you just have to do what you have to do to take care of things.

Hang in there.