My sister/PPD - She's in the hospital :(

ashtonsmama wrote: As most of you know, my sister Kat gave birth to her first baby girl, Jade, on 3/27, and I've been chatting with her mostly every day, at least 4 times a week, since then--because we live so far away (she's in NYC). I was getting a little worried about her because she hadn't picked up the phone or called me back for 4 days, which is rare, so I started trying her DH's cell and work phones. He was the one that told me that she had told him that she was getting extremely depressed and having some really potentially dangerous feelings/thoughts the past few weeks...he didn't have a clue what to do, so he tried to wait it out, but saw she wasn't taking care of baby like she normally does, just seemed very out of it and not quite herself.

He just called me and said they made a joint decision to get her admitted to the PW there for a few days to get her on some meds, get her going on seeking help, and get her back on track. I can't believe that she hadn't talked to me about this--she seemed fine, and all of a sudden, she's in the hospital?!?

So I'm at a loss here. I really don't think we have the $$ to put me on a plane back there, they don't either, what am I supposed to do? I feel very helpless right now. And my poor BIL is taking emergency leave from work to take care of Jade, I don't know how breastfeeding is going to work out right now because of Kat being in the hospital, and her DH said she doesn't even want to SEE Jade right now, let alone the closeness of breastfeeding.




This is my BABY sister. I've taken care of her more than our Mom--and now I feel like I can't do anything to help her, to get her better...her baby needs her home! She can't have this happen right now! My BIL said that they'd hooked up with the La Leche League group there, and all the mothers were pumping breastmilk to send over to their house for Jade's feedings, so she could at least stay on breastmilk and not go to formula...




I don't know how that's going to work, will she take it? Will it taste different? I don't know anything right now--I just want my baby sister to be well and okay, and I want her baby girl to be alright and healthy, she needs her mama so much during these early months...

Please send lots of prayers to her and her DH...I'll update when I get a call from him, he said he'd try to call tomorrow or Sunday...so as soon as I can. This is just more than I can handle right now. With the ER issues tonight and the med bills from that now, and my sister in the hospital...



Too much crying going on here. And Ryan's asleep, I won't wake him, I know he's in pain...but I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I can't believe my own sister is going through this. I never thought it would happen. She seemed fine--

I need to try to get some sleep I guess. I'm sorry to be so teary and babbling. Please send prayers to their little family.

Nina J replied: I'm sorry, I'll be praying for you sister and her DH (and you).

I think the best thing to do is not to rush there, even if you had the money to do it. It might make her feel crowded, and possibly embarrassed. I've had depression, many years ago, and alot of family members came to see me. It didn't make me feel any better, it made me feel weird, KWIM? I'm not saying your sister will feel like this, this is just my experience.

Maybe you could ring a florist, and get them to deliver some nice flowers for your sister?? It might cheer her up a bit, but also let her know your thinking of her.

Try not to stress to much, even though I know that's pretty much inevitable. Your sister will be o.k, and hopefully going through something like this will bring you even closer (if that's possible, you seem to be very close already).

Keep us updated

C&K*s Mommie replied: with Nina. Send flowers and let her know that she and the family are in your thoughts.

Sending the biggest hugs for you, now Amanda. You have put your emotions into this post, and I wanted to send hugs back to you.

Many prayers that all will work out in the best favor for your sister, whom you love deeply as well as her DH and Jade.

mckayleesmom replied: I know you are sad for your sister, but you should be proud of her. She recognized that something was wrong and agreed to get help for it, alot of woman don't. I hope that she gets better soon. I know you are worried about Bfing too, but having a healthy mommy is whats best for Jade.

mummy2girls replied: I have not personally experienced PPD. The only blues i had was for the first mont after i had jenna but it passed... BUT arons sister had experienced it. She even tried committing suicide. Its a very scarey illness and i am so sorry she is going through this. Just be there for her... Im not sure what else to say... I know CJSMOM has experienced it as well so she would be the one to talk to if you do need advice.. I am sending some prayers your way and your sisters way...(((HUGS))))

ions_momma replied: I am so sorry to hear this! I will definately keep her and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers!!

huggybugboy replied: I'm sorry your sister is having a difficult time. I experienced some ppd but never was admitted for it or anything. As much as I advocate breastfeeding and as important as I believe it is, I don't think she should worry about it right now. The most important thing is to get mommy healthy so she can take care of her baby. Although we know that breast milk is best, babies are formula fed all the time and are perfectly healthy children. If she is able to breastfeed after this is all over, great, but the most important thing is to get mom better. And if it takes giving up breastfeeding, so be it. JMO Sometimes when I was going through the ppd and breastfeeding, I felt so used and, for lack of a better word, icky. It was weird to have this foreign thing sucking on me. I dont know if anyone can understand that, and when I write it now, it seems so horrible, but thats how it was. Just try to be understanding of your sister, even though it's probably difficult. How can anyone not love being a first time mommy? Its not anything she wants to feel, trust me.
Shes in our prayers, and so are you

Heather77 replied: I'm so sorry your sister is having such a hard time. She'll be in my thoughts....

b&bsmom replied: I agree I wouldn't worry too much about BF. It is more important to have mommy healthy. I also understand what huggyboy said about feelling used and icky. I did not breastfeed ( medical reasons) but I know I suffered a small ppd and I also take care of kids as well as my own. Sometimes when dh would try to hug or cuddle I wouldn't want to because I had someone pulling on me or touching me or cuddling,holding all day and the last thing I wanted was to be touched again. I can see where you would feel used. I know the feeling to a point.

I hope your sister finds the help she needs. I am sure she will talk to you about it when she is ready. Give her space and time to figure things out it is tough to do. She doesn't like these feelings she is having but you should be proud of her for getting the help she needs.

Prayers for all of you.

ilovemybaby replied: I'm so sorry to hear that. It's so good that she has gotten help now though! Things could have been much worse.
About the breastfeeding... can she not take anti-depressants and continue to breastfeed? I know doctors say it's better for someone that needs them to take anti-depressants while pregnant than to not take them. Surely there is an anti-depressant that is safe enough for her to take? If she doesn't want to be near Jade she could still pump the milk.
It's good though that she is getting milk from other mothers for Jade.

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you so much Nina.
That was a good idea about the flowers, thank you...I need to do that. And I've also had major bouts of depression in the past, mostly through high school/college, and I know that feeling distinctly...not really in the post-baby sense though. I've been blessed.

Thank you so much. Not much news today, her DH called this morning and said that she's still having some pretty delusional type thoughts and really not herself, and her docs that have met with her so far want her in for a week or more. He really needs to find someone to care for Jade so he can work...so that needs prayers next please. Thank you all for your love and support. I know she's in a safe place now and that's all that matters right now, so thank you for that reminder. And healthy mommy is definitely what Jade needs right now, ITA. I hope it happens soon.

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you so much Nic.


I just re-read my post and saw how much sadness was in it...
This is just really hard, I know it'll get better, I hope ASAP. Thank you so much for the love, support and prayers. I'll update when I can...

And yes, she can be put on anti-depressants while BF, Renee. I know she's started discussing that with her docs today, so she should be starting on something soon. I'll have to see what it is.

And Katie, thank you so much for your comments about the BF. ITA in every way with what you said. The top priority is getting mommy well right now, and I'm supporting that every way I can. I wish I could pump for her and send the milk.

ilovemybaby replied: That's good to hear that she can take anti-depressants and still breastfeed/pump.
Don't feel bad for the sad post. You are worried about her.
Does she have Post partum psychosis? That's when you have thoughts of harming your child. I hope it's not that bad but I'm sure she will get the help she needs and be back to normal asap.
She's been through a lot with Jade being early and in the hospital.

Give her our love and best wishes.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I just wanted to offer my support. All you can do is be there for her. Show her that you care. I know how difficult struggling with PPD can be and my heart goes out to you and your family.

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you Renee.


And I'm pretty sure (from what her DH has told me quickly so far) that she may have a little bit of both PPP and PPD...so you're correct.

And thank you so much Kirsten. You've been through so much, it means alot coming from you hun. You're going to be ok, and I'm sure my sister will be too. You're in my prayers and thoughts constantly.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: as someone who suffered from ppd the best thing is to give space and let her deal with it first and foremost with medications and couseling then allow her to work on it with her husband.... its a long process and it requires alot of attention but the HARDEST thing for me was telling people in my family...
Its hard but space is a good thing. Call check in, send letters so she knows you are there for her WHEN SHE so chooses...

My prayers and thoughts are with your family and especially her.. She may say she doesn't want to see her baby but she does and tell him to be vigilant in bringing her.. I know I would hide from Sabrina when Chris was home but It was a double edge sword I worried that i would be a horrible mother near here and when not with her I worried myself sick that something was happneing to her , LOSE LOSE situation.

The breastmilk I was momma the cow at 2months old I already had 1000 ounces in storage so....but i know sometimes when I was at friends bottles got mixed up and when older they would steal bottles. Sabrina was always breastfed (well pumped breastmilk) until cows milk SHE WOULDN'T take formula EVER but she didn't mind breastmilk from anyone LOL

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you Missi. It's good to hear from those of you who've been through PPD, since I really don't know exactly how it feels...
Thank you.


And I was about to make another post...I may be flying out there--ONLY if she wants me to come though. I'm waiting for her to call me back after she finishes eating...so keep that in your prayers.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: Keeps us updated my heart goes out to her and the family.. its hard OMG its hard. But she did the first step and that is the hardest (like the old saying ....)

Once she feels able I am sure they will set her up with a nice outpatient program that will include private, and couple .... mine sent a assitantto watch our daily routines and interactions (to get an idea of the stressful points, my anxiety etc...) at the time i thought great i have a babysitter but it really did help in the long run they pin pointed my what triggered certain emotions. like if sabrina was changed, fed swaddle and still fussy i would get anxious and down thinking i was doing something wrong, or when we would have to go in the car BIG anxiety still not over it.. 19m..
But please i am an open book on it cause it helps and I will answer anything you wanna know...

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you so much Missi. That really helps.
And just a couple quick questions--did they put you on anti-depressants while you were breastfeeding? And I know you talked about BF in the previous post, but did you just continue pumping or did other people need to BF her? And when did you first have symptoms of PPD? When she was 2 months or so? It helps to hear your experience, it helps me see more of what my sister might be feeling and going through. Thank you so much. One more thing--how long were you in the hospital for?

MissyKay2005 replied: Amanda i am so sorry your sister is going through this. I understand depression and I am going to be praying for a come out of this soon. I also will be praying for the difficult time her husband is I am sure feelig with all of this. Sending hugs your way...

Missy

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you Missy.

~~*Missi*~~ replied:
Hey
I had to pump the entire length of my Breastfeeding experience only because sabrina was early and didn't have the suck swallow reflex well and she couldn't pull out the inverted nipples to it was easier this way.
Sabrina never had any one elses breastmilk on purpose meaning I think a few times my friend and I used the same bottles and stuff god only knows if we mixed them. I was a cow thou. At 8weeks postpardum when i sought treatment for PPD I already had 1000 ounces in storage plus was giving her fresh pumps. I know my lack of being able to nurse played into my PPD i felt like a failure. How can so many other moms do it but I couldn't. I was bound and determined to make sure she had boobie milk for as long as possible. If she has a pump have them take it or have them inform the hospital of the situation so that she can maintain. She needs to have that machine at least every 4hours for a GOOD 30minutes dual!

i was put on 50mg of zoloft 2 times daily and was able to continue to feed her BM til she switched to milk...Zoloft has the lowest transfer rate in BM. I was a basket case with the idea of harming sabrina so I MADE them to blood tests on her to check to see if the levels had transferred to her .... never once did she test that it was in her system.

I started noticing the symptoms of my PPD around 2-3weeks but they increased and increased til 8weeks when i couldn't take it anymore and made the call.....
I never was admitted. I was in outpatient therapy ONLY because i asked to see the therapist first and not take the word of my NP word. She would have had me admitted had I not had the baby with me alone and had i not asked to talk to the therapist cause she told me I was nuts NICE HUH>..

ilovemybaby replied:
Well that's good that her husband helped her get the help she needed. Sometimes things don't go that way... I'm sure you've heard some horror stories in the news.
It must be so hard for her... I hope things get better real soon.

I had PPD when Abby was about 4 months old and I got anti-depressants for it but I didn't take them. And I saw someone from our local Mental Health team but ended up telling her I didn't need any help anymore. I thought I could cope on my own... I did but it wasn't nice. I felt like cutting myself (as in cutting my wrists but not to die) and I was really emotional and crying a lot. I was scared that they would take Abby away from me (crazy huh) if I told anyone how I was feeling. When they asked me if I felt like harming myself or baby I said no. I didn't feel like harming Abby but I did feel like harming myself and I thought they would take her away from me if I told them yes.
If I feel that way this time around I will take the anti-depressants. I know I won't want to because I plan on breastfeeding and I don't want to take them at the same time even though there are ones that are safe enough. But I don't want to feel that way again.

Cece00 replied: I hope she is feeling better soon. That is great that she got help for her PPD, instead of just trying to cope & it getting worse.

holley79 replied: I will defiantly keep her in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you so much for sharing all that Missi. Do you mind if I pass this along to my sister? I don't know when she'll be able to read it, but maybe, just maybe, if I email it to my BIL he could print it out and bring it to her in the hospital...it could help...is that okay? And we talked for about 40 minutes yesterday and she really does sound like she wants me there, like it would help her, so we're still trying to find the cheapest last minute flight out there, so I may be going. I'll KUP.

And thank you Holley and Crystal.

~~*Missi*~~ replied: Hey I hope I caught you in time. You can print this out and also here are my emails if she ever wants to talk or you or her husband whomever I will be more then happy to talk....

sabrinalynne@hotmail.com
missi_proudmommy@msn.com

Praying for a cheap flight and for her and her family i do not mind at all

ashtonsmama replied:
Thanks so much Missi...I PM'd back...

ilovemybaby replied: Hey Amanda I hope you get a flight! KUP