My life isn't going as well as I would like - Vent - Long

loveydad wrote: Having a really down day. I have these but it seems a little worst. Hope y'all don't mind my vent.

For one thing I've been sick since December. Between my bladder/kidney stuff that's been going on, and some other problems I'm running into while trying to become healthy, I just feel like crap all the time. Not only that but my teeth hurt and I'm getting them worked on several times a week, which is really running me down. This recent tooth pull had me put to sleep and that means I've had two ivs put in the last two weeks. That's not healthy. Then today I had to get a full blood panel with chlosteral and everything done for my newest doctor. That meant fasting all night yesterday, which was the third time I've had to do that in the past two weeks! Then the third needle poke (actually 4th because apparently they had to take my iv out and put it back in while I was sleeping). I'm so sick of all this medical crap!!!!! UGH!

Then there's running to Ontario or Boise several times a week that's totally got me drained. This is a 2 hour drive each way to Ontario and a 4 hour drive to Boise. The last week in Jan I went two days in a row, last week I went monday and wensday to ontario and friday clear to Boise. Of course there was a giant blow out there which I'll explain later. This is a lot of driving time. In this I'm missing a lot of my kids growing up. I'm too tired to play with them after going to the dentist or doctor, and I take them with me and it's draining too.

I'm depressed and frustrated. Things that didn't bother me before really bother me right now. I need to do so much, I need to get the room done for the kids, I really need to get Brooklyn's room done and I just don't know if I can do it.

I'm starting to rethink this baby thing. I am 45 years old, I mean... when she's ten i'll be ordering off the senior menu!! I don't want to think about that!! This probably won't be the last baby. I feel like I can't just tell Tav, no more. I mean this is her first baby!

I'm just tired. and frustrated. and sad, and I really just want to crawl into a cave. I feel ignorned and stupid and .. like I don't want to fight anymore.

I want to go back to normal! I HATE THIS! I need some time to relax... but I can't send the kids away...they're having a hard enough time.

Sorry to unload on you guys. I'm just having one hell of a time....

Emilysmom_709 replied: Wow I'm sorry to hear about that...I hope you feel better soon and get what needs to be done. I cant imagine what you are going through specially when you have all your kids to care for too. Well I hope you feel better soon and keep us updated on how you are doing ok?

kim62377 replied: Viggo - I'm so sorry to hear how down you are. You sure do have alot on you. One thing you always need to keep in mind is that the strength you have inside is what has carried you this far - no mountain too high for us to climb - no cross too heavy for us to bear.
I can definitely sympathize with you on the health issues - all the medical crap surely does get trying doesn't it! You will make it through though. You'll get over this hump - no matter how hard it seems right now. Remember how blessed you are to have Tavia and your babies, As far as you rethinking the baby thing I completely disagree! 45 is NOT too old to be a father! I have only been a member of this forum for maybe a week and just the little bit that I've learned of you I know without a doubt how blessed your children are to haveyou as a father! Always try to remember these things! At times we can get so down it seems as if we can't see the light - what we don't realize is how much the precious people in our life are led by that same light that shines from within us!
You make sure to keep us all posted on how you are doing! We care about you so much! I hope you get to feeling better - physically as well as emotionally. Take care!

loveydad replied: Thank you guys.

mammag replied: I am not surprised by your post to be honest. You are running yourself into the ground. Slow down. Don't worry about their rooms right now. Get yourself healthy, that's top priority. What are they going to remember when they are older? Their rooms, or time spent with dad?

Take care.

loveydad replied: Well said.

paradisemommy replied: i agree with everyone else and i think it is completely normal for you to be feeling what you are feeling. i think what has you down the most is not being in control - these stupid health issues are annoying at least and having to drive to timbuctwo to get there would have me in tears too.

just like kim said - always know that God will not give you anything more than you can't handle. you'll get through this eventually - it's just a little molehill in your life. he has already blessed you with an awesome wife who has been helping you out more than anyone so far and looks like she's in it for the long haul.

just sit back, take a big deep breath and stop worrying about what needs to get done - little ones need lots of love and hugs and attention and they are only little for so long so enjoy them while you can and they still let you!! brooklyn is not gonna remember coming out into this world and not having her room done!!

you are an awesome father and husband and you will get through this! you got all us to help you through!!

gr33n3y3z replied: Kim hit the nail on the head Vig

GavinsMommy replied: I'm sorry Vig!! Things will get better I hope. And years from now you will be so glad you have all of the children that you have and that you took on so much...children make the world go 'round. That's why I want fifty!!!!!!!!!!

cdefmomma replied: I'm sorry that you are going through all of this, but like the previous poster I am not suprised. You need to take some time out for just you. You need to relax or you are just going to make you self sicker ( if that is even a word) I had a break down this summer from anxiety because I was taking on too much too fast and I wasn't taking time out for myself. You NEED to get some time alone. What good are you to your kids if you are too sick,tired,or stressed to care for them. You need to maybe send them to grammies or an aunts house or something now to care for yourself now before you go crazt to top everything else off. Oh and you need some alone quality time w/ your new bride.

I hope and pray for your strength to get through this. I have been there and it is tough but you will pull through.

amymom replied: I agree with the other posters. You seem like an awesome dad. Take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of your kids. Now if I would only take my own advice

I feel for you.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Vig, you don't ever have to appologize for venting on us! We are all here for you, supporting you! I think you have too much on your plate right now. Why do you travel so much? Can you just ask the dentist to just do all the dental work in one shot, I know you would be in a lot of pain, but you would at least get it all over with! Give yourself a break, you don't have to be SUPER DAD! The baby won't be here for a few more months, just do a few things at a time. And really the baby isn't going to notice her room right away. Remember that all kids really need is loving, supportive and caring parents and that is exactly what you are! You are an awesome dad! Try to get someone to come and help you with all those jobs you have around the house!

alice&arik replied: You are not too old to have kids. If you want to have more that is your choice so go for it. My dad was about 60 when he had me and I have a younger sister (1.5 yrs younger) and 1 older brother, and 5 sisters. My oldest sis is only 7 years older than me. So my dad had 7 kids when he was older than you. That is really weird.

But I think you need to slow down too. You have plenty of time to do their rooms. I think the kids would rather have a healthy dad to play with them in their new rooms than a sick dad.

kim62377 replied: How ya doing Viggo? I hope your feeling better today - both you and Tavia probably just need to MAKE the time to take it easy a while. You both have alot on you! Well I just wanted to check on you and see how you're feeling - let us know!

loveydad replied: Actually I'm down in Boise ripping my hair out.

I'm helping to babysit for a relative and she has two kids ages 10, 7, and 2 (and the two year old is A SCREAMER! SHe's adorable, smart as all get out but, she cries easily Shes not ujsed to be away from mama.

Also we have her SIL's two kids, who are 5 and 3 or maybe 4(?). We have them all night because they went to the same place.

Earlier today (This relative babysits in her home) we had a 11 month old that she has about a couple times a week or so, not really sure on that. She was also taking in two new kids and this was their trial day and they were only here for 2 hours but one was 3 and TERRIFIED at the dog and not happy his mommy had left (although he was okay after a few minutes) and a 1 year old who was not walking but very cute.

At the same time we had her everyday kids, Jordan and Cinnamon! You may remember them from my previous posts. THey're hilarious but Jordan missed his nap and was not a happy camper. Cin would NOT listen to me I was screaming at her every five minutes and putting her in time out, then (not sure how to describe this ) something WORST than time out, sitting in the bedroom alone but she got into trouble there toO! GLAD SHES GONE!

Then the kid came home from school, at one point we had 9 (!!) children we were babysitting! OMG it was a zoo! The little girl Nube is 11 months and really cute, she's very calm and swweet.

I"ll bring pictures. They're cute little kids but when they all rtun in one direction its exhausting!

ANyway I'm trying to watch them, there's only 5 ofthem right now but in the morning we get two more - oh and to make things nice, JOrdan and Cin's grandma took the wrong set of wipes and of course those were the only wipes the person had and her only destin was there and the baby has a diaper rash! WOOPS.

anyway ill be home tommrow night.

Thanks for the support y'all. I feel better for now. I didn't have time to read your responses real well but I'll post back tommrow.

kim62377 replied: Boy! You have really had a workout today haven't you?!? I tell you what - when we finally have our baby any questions I have as a new mommy I'll definitely know to ask you Viggo! Sounds like you are definitely a pro! So you are in Boise today? My husband and I visited there not too long ago to see his son from his first marriage - he is precious and I love him so much! Keith is originally from Mississippi (where we live now) but when he went into the service he was stationed at Mountain Home AFB where he met Katrina, his ex-wife. She is very sweet and I get along with her great. She is a wonderful mother and is so sweet to me and makes feel important as a stepmom to Nathaniel. They live at Mountain Home as her husband now is in the Air Force as well. He is a wonderful person and Keith and him get along great. He will be leaving for Iraq soon - ya'll keep him in your prayers. I hate that so much for Katrina. They have a new baby and I know it will be hard for her without her husband (6 month -1 year leave @ Baghdad). Sorry to be rambling Viggo - it's just neat to me that it can be such a small world sometimes. How are your teeth by the way? How's Tavia feeling? Does she have any children? I am sure you've probably mentioned these things in past posts but my short term memory gets kind of crazy sometimes. Ya'll need to de-stress! Are you guys planning anything special for Valentines Day? Maybe a nice dinner and a movie or something would do ya'll some good. Relax, be happy & love eachother! Our 'other halves' are blessings in our lives! I don't know what in the world I would do without my husband. I'll never forget the words said on the day of our wedding (the happiest day of my life) - one in flesh, one in spirit and one in intent. This is so true! We are one and the same - Keith is my life, my breath, my heart.
Sorry to run on Viggo! You were talking about venting when you first posted this - I think I beat you! LOL I'm a talker - I vent all the time! Whether it be happy, mad or sad! I'll let you go for now! Take care of you and Tavia! We'll be thinking about ya'll!

3forme replied: Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Here's hoping things get beter and that YOU get better! Take care of yourself first. Rooms can get done another time. I will keep you in my prayers.

Allyson&Patrick'sMom replied: On a lighter note Vig, you will only be 55 and you need to be 65 to order off the Senior Menus and get discounts

Hang in there...life gets rough at times for all of us and we manage to pull through. SMILE and HUGS

loveydad replied:
Wow, you know my grandfather used to be in the air force and he still goes to mt home to the base every few months - well not so much anymore since is his wife died I love that small world thing too!

Tav has no other kids and my teeth are okay. Got a big gaping hole from where my other tooth got pulled tho that food gets caught in and I bite down and OUCH!! My other teeth are hurting but the 14th i'm supposed to go to the dentist and he'll do a whole side of my mouth in one sitting.

We're SUPPOSED to be going out but the kids are too out of control to leave with less than two people.

Thanks!

THANKS A LOT A & Ps MOM! NOw I can't even eat of the senior menu! LMAO!

Josie83 replied: Vig I'm so sorry about this. Sorry I'm coming to it late as well. I think maybe you're just having a down day. You're a greatfather, age doesn't make that much of a difference! I wouldn't worry about another baby until this one's even arrived. You never know how you might feel when Brooklyn gets here. I'm so sorry that you've been poorly, there's nothing worse. Can I just say as well that you do such an amazing job, and you are an absolutely fantastic father and an example that a lot of other men could do with following (not all!). I hope you cheer up soon xx

loveydad replied: Thanks Josie. I'm busy busy right now. Helping a freind with a couple of his freinds luckily who are both asleep.